Facing the terrible truth

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Hi

I haven't been posting in quite a while. I met a girl 2 years ago. It was a chance encounter as these things tend to be. Then we went our seperate ways. Last year, she showed up at a friends birthday gathering and we started talking again

Long story short, I developed felings for her and we had been messaging each other regularly. Recently, she went to another country for a teaching job for 2 months but when she returned here she didn't let me know she was back. This and other such incidents like the time when she didn't tell me she was considering the teaching position in the first place and several other incidents had led me to face the terrible realisation that I'm not high on her list of priorities/friends. If I was she would have told me these things.
So, here I am realising these things. It's a terrible place to be in.

Did you contact her during these 2 months ? Because I've learned that "normal" people tend to assume YOU don't care about THEM if you don't initiate contact often to ask what's going on in their lives.

No, not the forum. I talking about my situation :p

I did contact her often. The level of contact was the same but it was around that time that I realised that maybe things were not going as well as I had hoped.

Sounds like you are in the casual friend category, just not close friend or boyfriend category.
Does she know you would like it to be more than just friends? Did you ever ask her on a date? She cannot, of course, read your mind. Perhaps she said or did something or you were hoping she would do or say something that would let you know the relationship was something more? If you are planning to just let this relationship fade into nothingness it might not hurt anything but your pride to ask her if she would like to get coffee or go to a movie with just the two of you?

I know it feels "terrible" now. It felt "terrible" when it happened to me (it happened to me ALL THE TIME when I was in my 20s).

But it really isn't that bad, as compared to people who've NEVER experienced romance.

What I would do, do what this casual person does, be casual with HER....and search the ocean for some other fish.

Well, I have asked her out and she said that she was not into me. Since then, we have gone to the movies together on a regular basis. What I don't get is why she doesn't let me in more. Have I become just that, casual friend as you say/ it's baffling since we chat on a weekly basis yet she didn't tell me about the major decisions she made of that she was on her way back home.

seems she wasn't thinking about you in that way. she may treat you like a friend only and you are not that close to her heart.

She's already made it clear that she's not into you romantically, so don't even try there. Of course you're going to value the friendship more than she does because you have feelings for her. These feelings aren't mutual, and probably never will be.

Who initiates your conversations? Is it always/pretty much always you? If so, I'd say she's replying out of politeness, and probably only sees you as a casual friend as others have suggested. Maybe you're messaging her too much? Coming on too strong?

I'd say if you're always the one initiating the conversations, refrain from doing so for about a week. If she initiates a conversation during that time, she probably considers you a moderate/semi-close friend. If not, she probably sees you as the kind of person she'd like to catch up with once a month or less.