I shot my shot

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I have had feelings for a friend of my brother's who is also friendly with me for about a year. He seemed friendly, nice, even a bit flirtatious, and we seemed to get along well. He was funny, smart, and kind (I'd thought).

So after months of just hoping something would happen, I shot him a message saying "Hey, do you wanna hang out sometime, I know the semester is busy for both of us but you're fun to talk to "

He invited me to a religious club thing (he's Jewish) and I'm not Jewish, so I was super lost, but I was like, I don't know what's gonna happen, but I'll go.

When I go, he's not there for the first half hour, so I start talking to other people (I'm trying to put myself out there more). Then he shows up, says hi to me briefly, then says "I'm gonna sit over there", sits at the table across from me, and talks to his friend all evening. I keep chatting with the people at my table but I'm feeling increasingly more awkward, so after I finish the snack that I brought with me (because you need to order food) I say goodbye to everyone and leave.

After that, I'm kind of upset because it felt like he hadn't been interested in speaking to me and instead wanted to promote an event. I felt really left out. I sent him a message on instagram which says: "Hey, [name], I'm glad that you invited me to Hillel, it was really fun to meet new people, and they're all really nice. But I wanted to tell you that when you didn't talk to me during dinner even though you invited me, it very much hurt my feelings. It sent a message to me that you weren't really interested in spending time with me, and that was really not polite. (From my perspective.) I wanted to let you know, because if there was some kind of misunderstanding, I'd like to clear the air so that there isn't any bad blood between us. I apologize if this is too lengthy or blunt, but I prefer to be kind of direct because miscommunication kinda sucks."

It doesn't seem like he's seen the message yet, and I don't know if I come across as overly clingy or emotional. I'm really just trying to be up front so that he knows how I feel about the situation, then can articulate how he feels. In my experience, guys don't really like being direct. That said, neither do girls. No one seems to like difficult conversations, so I hope he doesn't leave me on read (or just ghost me completely). It would be really sh***y of him to do that. Plus, he is good friends with my brother and I don't want to have a blow up that makes them feel awkward with each other either.

Sounds to me that he's awkward with telling you up front that he's not interested, and instead ignored you to send a signal about it.
I've been on both sides of that table myself many times. Especially when I was in my 20ies.
My possibly best friend now was treated similar to how you were, by me back then.
As long as you don't push it, and he treats you decently and just not completely avoids you, it can work out in a similar fashion. Or even eventually turn into love, but don't keep your hopes up for that.

/Mats

Nothing wrong with Whale Tuune’s message.

I know how she feels.

I had that happen to me, too.

Not too sure about sending a second message, at least not for a while.
I've done that mistake (well it was snailmail back then) and it never turned out well.

/Mats

update: So I sent the message, let it sit for 18 hours. My brother who is friends with the fella told me that he's kind of oblivious sometimes, and I should send him a second message elaborating on my intentions.

I had also sent a message on discord about including some of my friends on the server my crush ran. That evening, he messaged me on discord about the club thing, but he didn't seem like he'd been active on instagram at all.

My friends on discord urged me to send him a message on discord, but I felt that may have read as overbearing. I called my brother, who then basically said "Do whatever, send or don't send a message, either one works."

eventually I settled for sending him a message, asking him to check his instagram. Then I followed up on instagram clarifying my feelings. then I turned off all of my notifications. I don't want to deal with the waiting.

update: he messaged me on discord saying he'd look at my ig message.

Too soon to draw conclusions.

We can be a little slow sometimes. I was when I was your age, or a little younger. If you want it to move, bake him something. If it were me I'd get the message.

I hope it works out

6 hrs update: he still apparently has not checked his insta 6 hrs later... he is also apparently still on discord. He has to be intentionally avoiding it. If someone you liked asked you to check your insta, you would not forget to do so for six hours. Granted, Idk what he's doing on discord, but no one is that oblivious, esp when asked to check their insta outright. And I say this as an Aspie on a website for ASD folks.

Like it's almost 4 am, he is still on discord, and has not checked insta.

Well you know that does seem kind of rude...I know I have autism and so I cannot always read things correctly, but IDK as far as any knowledge I have it does seem crappy to invite someone to something and then basically ignore them the entire time.

I mean you felt ignored and sent a text, that is reasonable I think. But also why invite someone somewhere with you if you're not actually going to like be around that person, especially if its like a new experience like idk what he was thinking inviting you to something and then not even paying you any mind to you basically when you bothered to show up. Like Idk I cannot picture my boyfriend just like introducing me to a totally new situation and then just abandoning me to go hang out with other people so I am just entirely by myself trying to navigate the situation, like I am sure he would stick around to help me feel more comfortable.

But hey I am sorry you had this experience, that is really crappy, doesn't seem like you did anything wrong. Maybe that person has some bigger issues they need to work out. Like they didn't have the guts to stand by you and say they were with you...IDk if they figured their family would disapprove or what but it wasn't fair to you, for them to invite you to a thing and then just basically give you the cold shoulder while you were there.

I second guessed myself because my brother (his close friend) was like "this isn't a huge deal."

But yeah. And also, if someone who you had a modicum of respect for told you to check ig... you would not fail to do so for 6 hours. Idek what someone does on discord for 6 hours. But... no.

Since my brother is good friends with the guy, if he thinks that the guy doing this at dinner or taking too long to respond on insta isn't a big deal for him, then I take his word at some weight.

But no one really knows.