I felt, like, 99% alive, or some such... whereas now, two years after it's about 2%... it's almost like the difference between being in a storm (in an impregnable shelter) and being unprotected, and talking to oneself... being with another person I could simply converse when wanted... currently I attempt to speak with my cat... with not much obvious success. I felt like I could do anything in the world with someone I loved... but now I rarely go outside my door even once a month. And yet, just like any hypothetical source of parental love, it's merely random... I might be going insane all alone, but really, the outside world is proving to be competitive at that...