What has helped?

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For those of you who have seen improvements in your love life due to changes you made, what were those changes and what improvement did you see? Your insights could be invaluable, let's gather them all up in one place.

Huge improvement, tiny improvement, anything in between. Can be any sort of improvement too (e.g. finally having someone reply to you on a dating website, getting more dates, meeting more suitable people, finding love, strengthening your existing relationship, etc. etc.).

(Obviously what works for one person may not work for the next, so let's not criticise the input here. If it's not relevant to you, just leave it. If it might be useful, great, try it out!)

Realizing that disagreement can help people learn about one another. It also usually doesn't mean dislike either, more often than not, miscommunication is just a plea for patience; we're all sharing the planet and in modern societies, keeping one's life hospitable enough to accommodate others takes a lot of work and even more diplomacy.

I realized I have zero interest in being a center of attention except where my work and play are concerned and for the sake of those I love I should make those one and the same. People put up with all kinds of negativity for years just to make a few modest dreams happen, it's only fair to be patient about sharing them. I've got a century or so ahead, that's a lot of time to make sure everyone's happy.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

My top five list...

Refinancing our house (money saver)
Changing shift hours at my job (time saver)
Switching from DSL to Cable internet (time and in the long term money saver)
Embracing digital photography and putting away the film cameras (time and money saver)
New gas furnace (should be a long term money saver plus no more breathing carbon monoxide, I hope.)

Each ultimately has strenghened our relationship.

You've got it really good to be talking about appliances in this context.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Learning to laugh at myself.

This is something my husband taught me way back when we were dating, but if I didn't learn it our relationship probably would not have survived.

My sense of humor was *very* undeveloped when we met (and still is somewhat), but in the course of developing humor I learned how to laugh...and I learned how to turn the stupid or quirky things I do into an opportunity to find humor. I learned how to allow myself to be teased or laughed at by others (and joining in.) This reflected an overall "relaxation" of my personality, which was really necessary in order to experience the ebb-and-flow of a relationship. It also communicates that you like someone when you can laugh with them and find something mutually funny.

The two biggest complaints I got growing up were "Why are you so serious?" and the fact that I didn't get jokes and never laughed or smiled. So, I think this change was the most important one for me.

@Rockymtnchris: Which reminds me, I find it worthwhile to take the heat for pestering everyone to keep their cars, technology and selves in general safe. After all, my life amounts to waiting and studying/working/goofing off until I even have to worry about risks like that. The most important constituent of toughness is compassion.

One can't be too loyal, and I mean that as a general unconditional rule. Even though I take forever and a half to warm up to anyone, real recognize real. How much more division can the world take anyway?

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

- Got a fit body.
- Learned how to swim (my parents weren't swimmers) - a skill which is very useful for self-esteem and socializing in summer.
- Basic martial arts.
- Got a better job
- Not giving a f**k.

Those helped me in socializing and to get short terms, but not a long term relationship.

However, I am having very few friends again (one got married, one fought with other and never spoke again and both 'left' group, one still friend), so current focus should be socializing again.

I learned to be more assertive and "dominant". Being a tall guy, that really helped draw attention to me but I still kept failing and was almost completely burned out. Did a final "why not?" date before throwing in the towel and got engaged less than 5 months later. I also moved in with a roommate just as I met her to save $$$ so I would not have to worry about being cheap on a date.

In short, I just resigned myself to what fate had in store for me and let the cards fall as they may.

I have a history of dysfunctional relationships. I basically got with whoever showed willingness to be with me, whether I liked them or not. Or I chased women who were not available to love me.

What has helped me avoid these types of relationships were personal commitments I made to myself. 1. Don't pressure myself to get in a relationship or have sex just to be in a relationship or have sex 2. No sex outside a loving intimate committed relationship 3. Don't chase after women who are not available to be in a loving intimate committed relationship with me. 4. Work on myself so that I can be loving intimate and available in my romantic relationships.

These commitments have resulted in me NOT getting trapped in painful unfulfilled relationships for several years and becoming the type of man who is capable of being a good partner. Knowing that I'm a good catch improves my self confidence enough to handle the rejections and disappointments that come with dating.

SOME PRACTICAL THINGS:
Good hygiene and clothes
Being polite and respectful toward women in general
Moving to an area that has eligible women living there
Getting a job where I had enough money to date
Letting go of all stereotypes about women (every woman is different)

Have I found love? Not yet but I can date and have fun. I'm no longer a train wreck like I used to be. When a good match comes along I'll be ready.

Going to a prostitute helped rid me of the pressure I felt of still being a virgin at 23. I'm still a complete wreck, but at least I don't have that hanging over my head anymore.

Not the answer you were expecting, OP, I know. I'm just being honest here.