Should I follow my religion, or desire?

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I'm a Muslim guy, and I have a crush on this Muslim girl. Kissing before marriage is forbidden in my religion, in fact according to most interpretations holding hands is. There is even a quote of the Prophet Muhammad: "It is better for you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle, than to touch a namahram woman (woman you can marry)." I already do stuff I'm not supposed to do, like eating non halal meat (halal meat is kinda like kosher meat.) And watching porn occasionally. But I do take religion seriously, for instance I don't listen to the playing of stringed instruments since according to hamza yusuf and the vast majority of scholars, it is forbidden. I also pray 5 times a day, and don't eat pork. Do you think there would be harm if I went against my religion, and kissed this girl if I was able to get into a romantic relationship with her?

If it was me, I'd kiss the chick. But don't let me or anyone else tell you how to live your life. If you sincerely think kissing the girl is wrong, then follow what you think is right.

you could get her into a whole heck of a lot of trouble if you kiss her. if you care for her, don't kiss her for that reason.

What country do you live in? I'd hate to see her raped or stoned to death as a penalty for premarital contact.

If that isn't a issue. Then yes. Go for it.

What is it about stringed instruments that is inherently worse than wind or percussive? Anthropologically these types arbitrary rules usually as result of certain culture and practices reacting against the enemy's cultural practices. The birth of Abrahamic Monotheism for example, was a reaction against Babylonian gods after the invasion, rather than as Monotheism as it is understood now, it is less that they couldn't envision other god, they just didn't wan them worshiped.

I think you need to separate arbitrary rules from ones that are sensible. You have a crush on this girl, you can't just go from here to kissing her, just as you can't can't just go straight to marrying her. There is something in between, and you aren't guaranteed this will be the one.

You need both practical consideration and you own responsible behaviour. Whatever you think that is. The two aren't completely separate concepts either.

If you're already breaking the rules about eating non halal meat, what's the harm in breaking the kissing rule as well? Go for it.

cathlynn, I'm living the USA, and my parents are from Turkey, while hers are from Turkey and Romania. I SERIOUSLY doubt that she would get an honor killing.

You have to do what you believe to be best for you, based on how you interpret your religion's rules and your conscious. Could you live with yourself if you did hold hands or kiss her, or would you be racked with guilt? What effect might that have on your own practice of your religion afterwards?

Turkey is a relatively secularized Muslim country--and Romania is not even Muslim.

Now....there is one issue: is the girl much younger than you? That's a much more important thing to think about.

If she likes you back ... Kiss the girl!

perhaps ask nicely first to be on the safe side;)



Kiss her.... life is too short!

kraftiekortie, yes the girl is 4 years younger but I was hoping to kiss her when she turns 16-18.

If that's true, that you'll wait a few years, then I don't see a problem with it.

Especially if SHE wants it.

I respect your discipline in following the path you feel is the right one. Yes do wait if she is quite young.

I disagree with all formalised religion but do agree with a personal spirituality like I am also vegetarian for ethical reasons. So i have a little discipline but probably not as much as you in this way.

I didnt realise her age so if she is underage however DONT kiss the girl.................Yet!
As cathlynn says check it is not an issue for her.

be a good friend and get to know each other with no pressure from you.
Good luck my friend ... the heart is always a tricky thing.

p.s. the listening to stringed instruments etc.... I would like to know more about this.
I think it is sad really as it can also be a beautiful thing too.
I am a music teacher in the Uk and teach many Muslim kids everyday, very occasionally some object (normally infuenced by their mosque and/or parents/relatives)
I have studied this a little and have found that there are many interpretations by scholars of this (NB. I`m sure you are the expert here though!)
Some say no music at all, some say only drums (Daff drum specifically) some say only drum and/or voice but the voice must be praising your God. Other scholars have no problem in all music as long as it is played in a spirit of praise... so lots of schools of thought.

Like your feelings for the girl, perhaps desire it self is a gift from above?... can that be bad?

I would say follow the path of the Jedi - it's cooler.