16yo INFP-T guy searching for a Soulmate.
Hey,
I am searching for a Soulmate, and the thing is that I'm really shy, introverted, and I am terrible at socialising, I also have social anxiety how I think. I tried searching for people on some websites, like MyLOL, TypeTango, MeetMe and well that's it I guess, I don't really even know how to search for a person on a dating site, and even if I would find one it would be really awkward, because I am awkward myself, I can't even come closer to a girl, and I wouldn't know what to say anyways.
My interests are: computer stuff, futurism, murderers and listening to music. I really enjoy listening to music. My favourite genres are: shoegaze, breakcore, ambient, industrial, aggrotech, glitch, darkwave, indie rock, psychedelic rock, post-punk, minimal techno, drum & bass, synthpop and maybe more. I also like the idea of an AI, I find it really fascinating that we, humans, can create AI, because that is like creating a whole new type of life, except it doesn't have emotions, or atleast we think so.
I believe in that if I'd have a Soulmate, then we should be like one being. I find that idea really appealing.
My favourite languages are English and Russian, though I am from Lithuania, I don't like the Lithuanian language.
I am looking for a girl who is shy, introverted, maybe socially awkward, maybe even with mental problems, because I have some mental problems myself, like OCD, paranoia and maybe some more.
And if I won't succeed here, then I am asking for places for myself to find a Soulmate, like some good websites, tips on how to find a girl in real life, books and of course many more for anyone to find in this post and use for themselves. And tell me if I am doing anything wrong, because I don't want to look like I'm obssessed with finding a Soulmate or looking like a creep or anything.
Thank you for reading.
Please don't be afraid to say anything here and don't think that I'm strictly looking for a Soulmate, we, of course, can be friends, or whatever you'd like us to be.
Okay, I'm going to lay out reality here. You're 16. It is VERY rare for a 16 year-old to find a soulmate, as people of that age are still developing themselves. Heaps of people your age haven't even had a girlfriend yet, let alone a soulmate! If you really want to find someone, the internet really isn't the best place. If you don't think your social skills are great, do some research, watch some Youtube videos on how to further develop them. Look up how to talk to girls, how to overcome social anxiety etc.
The truth is, if you want to be with someone you have to become more active in pursuing a relationship. Dating sites are a good first step, but if you're not actually talking to anyone on them, you're going to have minimal success. Additionally, especially in the case of teen dating sites, there are a relatively low amount of singles in one specific area, and most of the time long distance relationships started on the internet never go anywhere. If online dating is a route you want to go down, do your research on how to start conversations with women, etc.
About wanting to be with a shy and introverted girl, that's all well and good, but if both of you are shy and introverted, who's going to start the conversations between you? Who's going to set up the dates? It's your job to take charge here since you're the one looking for a relationship, and girls tend to expect guys to take the active role when it comes to dating. Girls probably aren't going to approach you, so if you want a girlfriend, you're going to have to work for one.
Grand Inquisotr is right.
Also, if you are looking up videos and stuff to try and train your social skills, make sure it's not 'pick-up artist' or one of those 'How to make any woman fall for you' type B.S There actaully are true, genuine videos dedicated to this stuff for shy or eople lacking in social skills, some being on this very website. And some specifically tailored to aspies. It is in your best interests I wuld say that would find THOSE ones.
Also, and this helped me, I would suggest just trying to meet and be friends with females in real life first,. They teach you the social skills of talking to females, and not just that but you would learn more about them and how to understand them better. And also some people only see females as 'possible girlfriend' and other labels, when truth is they are human as well and should be treated as such. Not onlt that, but being friends with a high number of females may even increase your chances because one might develop feelinfgs for you and you develop feelings back. Mnay males and females are just friends and nothing more, but it is not always this set in stone. Things change and people change, and sometimes we might randomly develop feelings for a friend. This can be a bad thing, or it could be a good thing. It might not en well and you might not want to ruin the friendship but sometimes great relationships can begin out of a good friendship.
Finally, while it is perfectly normal to have certain qualities or traits you want in a girl, we all do, just be aware the person you end up with just might not be exactly what you expected and might be competely different from what you expected. Like Grand Inquisitor is saying, sometimes you might not always get along with the people you thought you would. I don't know your life, you might get along good with shy girls and might be able to be friends or date them, but it's not always possible. But also, sometimes you can be right. If you think you'd never get along with a loud, party type girl, then you might be right. but like I said there are always exceptions. I know my ex was nothing what i expeced.
If you would like to know my experience, I have been on three dates with one girl earlier in the year, and I had a girlfriend for a short time but she broke up with me before we arranged our first date. t wasn't anything I did, we just didnt work out and I can see that. sShe wasnt ready for a relationship and I agreed. We are still good friends though and she is my date for the school prom. Also, I met my ex when we were just friends first. We had natural chemistry and naturally got along. i didn't have to be a fake or anything, just was myself. This is also a good idea.
If you want a girlfriend, congratulations you're a normal 16 year old!
First and foremost, all of that dating advice on the internet is complete s**t if you're too scared to even talk to girls. Yes, I know it's hard to talk to women but how can you get anywhere if you don't talk to them? If you talk to the girl you like and let her know you're interested, sure you may get rejected but you may not. If you never talk to her, your chances are 0% and some other guy will come along and will take her from you. Remember one thing, reject is better then regret. Rejection hurts but regret hurts even more. Dating is all about risk-taking especially for the guys. Take baby steps to ease into talking to women, gradually and gradually get out of your comfort zone a little bit.
I'm assuming you go to school right? Try to avoid the popular girls who dress really nice and always seem to be with other people. These girls tend to be really shallow and only want guys who are also social, popular, and good looking. Perhaps you could find another shy geeky girl.