ForeverAnon wrote:
So I went on another date last night. We met on Whisper, where I had posted that I had been on 50-something first dates with only 6 or so second dates. We started talking several weeks ago, had similar interests, she had cute photos, so we finally met last night. We went for drinks/videogames at an arcade/bar (not a Dave & Busters, think something like a Barcade except this isn't Brooklyn), and she says she had fun, and we were out for awhile.
However, I wasn't particularly feeling any chemistry/things were slow-paced. A shoulder brushed against another at most, but that's that. It didn't help she was...more than her photos; that by itself isn't the end of the world (I'm shallow, but not completely sh allow), but on the drive home, we started talking long-term plans/interests/things, and she mentioned that she would ideally like the option to pack up and move once every few months.
Don't get me wrong. Travelling to new places can be fun. Be it a music festival/Burning Man, or an international conference on a specialty topic, travel can in fact broaden your own base of knowledge and make you more well-rounded. However, I always viewed travel as a side-effect of finding personal hobbies first. As an example, I got into blacksmithing several months ago and usually travel across the Carolinas to attend assorted meets/classes, as well as smithing festivals/competitions, and am planning for the State fair.
What I *don't* get is the desire to constantly uproot yourself again and again. You don't settle in one place, build a home, build a community, hone a craft, or otherwise improve yourself or your own standing. You take in a lot of unusual sites and locations with the hope that they will make you interesting by proxy. More stereotypically, you go to a lot of parties (and have a lot of flings) with a lot of expatriates and rich (or debt-ridden) 20-somethings where you play russian roulette with other people's drinks, only with roofies instead of bullets. The closest analogy I could think of is being on a constant high, only you're spending all your money on plane tickets and lodging rather than on drugs (though you're probably spending your fair share on them too).
So although we were out for a good while/she said she enjoyed her time, there was a mix of lack of attraction, and a fundamental difference in worldviews about viewing the world. I wish I could consider this an isolated case, except this *really* isn't. Travel is aggressively marketed as a right of the privileged to "gain life experience." And that's really what it feels like: Privilege.
Is there a middle ground that exists/a way to compromise with people that view travel as an inherent right and obligation? Or do I just avoid dealing with people like this altogether? Or am I just a curmudgeon of a homebody?
Wow, all this over the mere mention that the woman likes the option of packing up and moving every few months, I think you're reading way, way too much into it. I mean this was what your second date? It's not uncommon early on that people will talk about 'the future' and things they'd like even if it is a bit silly....doesn't mean anything is set in stone. I mean I imagine if you guys really decided you hit it off and wanted something long term she'd be willing to come to a compromise if you wouldn't like moving that much. It doesn't sound like she was seeing it as any right of the privileged or trying to emulate the privileged...moving is quite a bit different than vacations and leisure travel. Perhaps she's had the experience of not finding a place she feels at home enough to settle.
Also not sure how you get that you guys have a fundemental difference in world views just because she likes to move around a lot, seems like different views on settling somewhere vs. not settling somewhere. I wouldn't assume she has it in her head moving around will put her in this 'privileged class' and not sure where you got that she sees it as her inherent right and obligation to travel. Could very well be she gets bored in one place too long and thus has found it preferable to move often.
I mean if you weren't that attracted and the prospect of a person who moves often freaks you out that much, then perhaps it is best to break it off and not make a serious relationship out of it. But for future reference it's probably better to discuss things with a person before reading into it and assuming you know what all must be going on in their head. I mean the way you describe it goes from a seemingly pleasant girl you had a nice time with but didn't feel much chemistry, and by the end you've turned her into a classist snob, who feels it's her inherent 'right' to indulge in leisure travel often all because of her one comment shes like the option to move once every few months. Are you sure this is a fair assessment of her based on that one statement?
_________________
We won't go back.
01 Jul 2016, 3:11 pm
