Almost 30, single, and worried about never finding love

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I am 28 now, 29 next April, so here I go again......

To those who are single and over 25-ish (like me):

Do you ever get worried that your wedding day will NEVER come? I do; this is coupled with me moving to Los Angeles...... I fear it will never come because of my social shortcomings that have caused me to be compared to evil people (you know who they are). As a result, I just wish I could say "Crap, I'm going to move to L.A. on my own, wife or no wife!" I'm a hopeless dreamer, and hope that the woman of my dreams who will understand me the MOST will come along..... *sobs*

I remember being exactly where you were. At 29, I had dated a few people, had a couple of brief relationships that really didn't involve love, and was pretty convinced that I was going to spend the rest of my life alone. I was getting ready to finish graduate school and move wherever I could find a job.

Then I had my first serious relationship. It even worked as a long distance relationship when I was away working for a year, and I left a good job to be back with this woman. She actually asked me out first because she was getting tired of waiting for me to do it-in my defense, I was going to ask her out that same day, she just beat me to it. I met her at a university Church group. We started talking there because we used to see each other at the fitness center very often. I didn't know at the time I had Asperger's. In retrospect I can see that she was looking at me when we would see each other on the running track, but had no idea how to read any of that. We were together 19 months, and then decided that we were too different for each other.

15 months after we broke up I was engaged to my wife, and we have been married almost 16 years. I never would have believed that something like that would happen when this other woman and I broke up, I thought I was once again destined to be alone forever. I felt I had blew my one chance.

The point is, it is never too late. LA is a large place, think of all of the single women who must live there. Try to find some places that involve things that you are interested in, as you will meet women there who have those same interests.

I had 2 NT friends who didn't get married until their 40s so taking a while to find the perfect person for you isn't a problem limited to Aspies.

There are no guarantees. Not for Aspies, not for NTs.

Your move to LA could be a fresh start though!

My personal action plan for now is to make my life as enjoyable as possible without a girl.

welcome to the club I guess

My wedding day will never come but I am not worried about that - it's my choice. I dont want to wear white dress and attend a party. That's it.
If I am ever getting married I might just go to the city office, sign some papers and become a wife and husband according to law. But it isn't necessary. I am happy by myself and if I had a boyfriend I wouldn't care about marrying him for reasons other than the law(like cheaper taxes and stuff).

I've given up on ever getting married why dream of something that won't happen.

I dont know if I'll ever even get a gf. I'm poor and jobless as according to most my job doesn't count. Most women prefer successful well off men. Men with high paying jobs and 4-8 year college degrees. This only increase as they get older so none will want a 30 old ssi guy. Look at any of the men who got wife's here they all have good paying jobs and degrees so unless you also have that take their it happen to me advice with grain of salt as it happen because they'll successful men aspie or not that'll still be preferred.

I'm probably one of the most worthless men alive. I dont know why I bother trying to survive

This is a reason why it can't happen.
You fool, you don't need a girlfriend to be happy.
And you won't get a girlfriend if you are depressed like this because she will never be willing to be your source of happiness.
You need to make your own source of happiness.
Then people will want to be with you.
And you can do it, but you sit there and do nothing. If you aren't happy then do something.
Do something that you can be proud of, doesn't matter what. Just do it and stop whining.

It was especially hard for me considering I have always wanted to start a family even as a teenager. After seeing my cousins get married one by one before 30 (even the two "loser" cousins) it became an even more bitter pill to swallow. I couldn't even get a kiss on the cheek and I was almost 30!

Fast forward to today: I will be married at 33 and my "loser" cousins are both divorced with a third not far behind. My own brother is on his way to splitsville as well. It was difficult going almost 30 year without even a hand hold but I will get the last laugh. Previous to this, I was dating a women who was nearly perfect for me: same age, same background, same values and she was attractive, well liked and I got along with her social circle. When she basically broke it off via text (a year ago today!) I was devastated and thought it was time to abandon all hope.

My fiancee and I have never once fought (contrast to my only other LTR fighting almost daily), my family loves her and her family loves me like one of their own. I worried about being rejected for my anxiety issues (apparently even highly anxious women can't stand moderately anxious men!) but she has been so supportive and understanding. Bottom line is that I had to suffer A LOT to find her but you eventually forget about all the struggles in the end.

I was married at 38. It may take we Aspies longer to find someone to love, but it doesn't mean that we are beyond love. Don't give up, the right person is out there for you.

Not correct. Most blue collar men are married, so advanced degrees and high pay is not a prerequisite for finding a spouse.

Blue caller jobs pay quiet well. 2-4K I good pay

I'm talking about collarless jobs like fast food or cashier you know min wage jobs. Or people who don't even have a job

If this was tru them no one would date or get married fact is people derive happiness from others it's why we as humans form cities and such or we'd all be happy hermits living in islands or in the mountains

I was happy and women didn't want me which makes me sad not the other way

People including me weren't born sad

^ I see. Do you think it would help to be doing something to be proud of as a source of self-worth?

You gotta believe in yourself a little more, as most girls like a bit of self confidence. It isn't always about the money or status, but you have to love yourself first before finding someone else to love. I don't mean become what you're not, just have the quiet confidence that it'll happen when it happens. Stop saying you're worthless. I found my relationship for the first time at age 33. I wasn't specifically looking for a relationship but something told me I'd find love that year.

I even knew someone who never wanted to marry (he was a really eccentric entomologist nerd in his late 50s and most likely on the spectrum too) but some girl much younger than him took a liking to him, maybe because of his intellectual interests, and married him - something even he himself had considered unthinkable! If he could get someone who was interested in him, anyone can!

I will add to my struggle: My older sister is 30, married w/a daughter and NT.......