Feeling like a daisy..."he loves me, he loves me not&qu

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My Aspie fella and I have been seeing each other for 7 months. Our relationship began as a friendship and slowly progressed to the point where he would ask me things like, "If we were married, how would we do this... and what about that..." He even told his dad how much he liked me and that I was a "good woman." He calls, texts, invites me over on a regular basis, but now he says we're "just friends" and that he just doesn't feel "it" for me. Okay...I HAVE NOT CHANGED! I still look the same, act the same...everything. So, why was he contemplating marriage just a few months ago, but now says he just doesn't feel that magic "it" feeling?

Either he never felt the magic "it" feeling and was just experimenting with trying to feel "it" or something changed in him.

Every woman I know (and most men) has had similar questions at the end of love relationships. And there have never been any satisfactory answers.

When you can stop trying to prove to yourself that since you haven't changed, his feelings can't have changed; then you can start getting past your, now painful, attachment to this man who is not likewise attached to you.

Eventually you will be relieved of this heartache and be gloriously free of it. You will look back and feel relief that you're not still dragging this reluctant lover.

You're at the worst part, just now. It will get better (and I mean, without him). No one needs a reluctant lover.

I was just wondering if it was part of the "cycling" process that I've read many Aspies go through in relationships...interest waning after the initial "discovery phase" and boredom setting in. I've read that after their little time-out periods, their interest piques again. ???? Just wondering if I should wait it out or move on. I genuinely care for him and enjoy being with him, much to my friends' disbelief. They can't see what I see in him, but he's a lot of fun when it's just the two of us. I would GREATLY appreciate any feedback from a male aspie on this topic!

Could very well be. Whether his interest will ever grow again, who knows? There's also the question of whether he was ever "in love" like you thought he was in the first place. I recall having been around college or even high school boyfriends and girlfriends or even sometimes maybe just friends, who liked to talk, jokingly, about the other being a "good catch" or what would happen if they had kids together, but it was not that they got married after those conversations.

Also, there is the issue of how experienced he is with dating, and with living close to other people at all. It seems the newer the whole thing is, the more people like to think about these kind of hypothetical questions even though they are not serious, or they think they are at the time but were quite off base in hindsight.

I mean, even little kids sometimes talk about the "crush" next door and play games imagining marriage or being deeply in love or whatever. I think us aspies, being inexperienced, sometimes retain the desire or need to play these kind of games longer into adulthood than most people. Having never felt what it's like to really be in love, and not knowing if I ever will, it seems as if the gap to understanding the lives of most families with kids is just too big a mental stretch. So I may not have a good sense of how far the rather temporary attractions I have felt compare. Hope that made sense...

When someone is that flakey, does it matter? Take him at his word and move on; honestly, don't wait in case he changes his mind or wants another shot, because there's nothing to stop him doing the same thing to you again.

Since he is that rude about casually demoting you to 'friend' without warning, I wouldn't bother with replying to him anymore (unless you actually want to be friends). The guy's got to learn at some stage that this behaviour isn't fair.

Thank you all for your input on my post. I've read and re-read your comments numerous times since they were made. I appreciate the honesty and directness of your answers. Sometimes it's hard to hear the things you really NEED to hear, rather than what you'd like to hear. I am going to try with all my might to move on and leave "whatever" it was we had (in my mind anyway ) behind so I can be open to the one who does feel "it" for me. I think I'm worth it! Thanks again!

Oh...and for the record...we're both 50 years old and we've each been married before. So it's not like it's our first time around the block and we don't know how to do the relationship business. However, he's been divorced for 16 years, has dated several women and always falls into the same pattern...gung ho at the beginning of the relationship, then after a few months, he's just not "feeling the love." Guess I was just his latest victim. The really pathetic thing is I allowed him to do this to me twice...4 years ago and now. Some fools never learn!

Woo Hoo! I am now 2 months post-breakup and I feel GREAT! Thank you so much, MountainLaurel! Your words have replayed many times in my head and proved to be quite prophetic...I am now "gloriously free" of that reluctant lover. It is sooooo wonderful to no longer waste time wondering, wondering, wondering..."why isn't he calling, will he ever care for me the way I care for him," and on and on and on! Life is good again!

I feel that way too about my beloved Masha Aleskovski!