Lying on Dating Sites

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This is more oriented towards people 35 and older.

A number of years ago, I thought I would give dating sites a try but found they were a waste of time for me for various reasons, and concluded it would be better to just meet someone in person. As that arena has matured a little more, or so I had thought, I had decided to look around on them again, and found much of the same reasons to forgo them as last time.

One these reasons, and something I don't understand at all, is that a large number of people on them seem to lie blatantly about very obvious physical attributes. For example, weight and age. For example, a lot of men think that "a few extra pounds" means 40lbs, or 50lbs, even 100lbs, and it's very obvious that they are morbidly obese. Or people state an age that it's obvious they are not....it's difficult for me to tell age sometimes but if a person is much older than the age they claim to be, it will be apparent to me. At some point, it just become ridiculous. For example, when you are a 47 year old who's 50lbs overweight and you are claiming that you are a 37 year old who has a few extra pounds.

I understand people are insecure about age and body type, with not unwarranted reasons, but if one is older than they would like to be, and overweight, being a blatant liar or oblivious to reality on top of it isn't going to make them more attractive, and probably contributes to their continuing single status.

If you are an older individual so inclined to dating sites, I recommend you don't lie about your physical attributes. I also recommend you include your actual age in the range of the age you want to date. It will make you more attractive.

I shall continue my avoidance of dating websites for the future.

I have never used a dating site before but if I did I would think deception would be a poor choice to build a relationship with others as a foundation. Seems like if you want a lasting relationship with someone, you must build trust and deception only hinders that. Perhaps those people aren't looking for a lasting relationship?

I'm younger but I'm always confused this body type on dating sites (I even posted about it here). I'm overweight and I state that, but I've seen so many people who seem way more overweight than me describing themselves as little extra build or a few extra pounds, so I wonder if people think I'm fatter than I am because of this?

I wonder if some set of cultural standards has developed for appropriate levels of lying on dating websites.

I tried a dating website back when they were still unpopular. Geography made it a lost cause, although I had some fun chatting and improved my two and one handed typing speed.

I could try again. I see no point in lying, and will probably not have a second date with someone who did lie on their profile. I might ask them about their perception of the social rules before finalizing that decision.

If I ever go on a dating site, I won't lie.

I'm 5 foot 4 3/4 (164 centimeters)

I weigh 177 lbs, 80.45 Kilograms

I have mostly gray hair.

I'm 56 years old.

I'm married at present.

I've never been on a dating site (I got married in 1995, just as the Internet was starting for most people).

I have a BA in speech pathology and English.

I've had my drivers license since I was 37.

I take a shower every day, and make sure my breath is good.

I think they are looking for a lasting relationship but I think their transgressions highlight some of the reasons they struggle with that. Insecurity and deficits in theory of mind. I think a lot of people think "If the other person just gets to know me, they will not mind these things," and maybe if the person did get to know them, that would be the case....I've certainly met men offline, who would not meet my online dating preferences online, but whom I have found attractive in person. But people don't have the same opportunities to connect online as they do offline, and so this notion of "the person will like me if they get to know me" doesn't really apply. With the dimensions of in person interaction removed....mannerisms, non-verbal body language, natural circumstances, and phermones stripped away, people default to how others look in a two dimensional photo, and what is said in the few words on the profile. And if things don't match up it isn't a very flattering first impression.

I think your wife is very lucky and I hope you two have many happy decades together.

Thanks. I think you're a very intelligent person, and hope your relationship is good. If you're not in a relationship, I think you would make a future partner very happy.

Ours is sort of "up and down" at times. At times, she tries to understand my peculiarities; other times, she tries to "knock the autism" out of me, so to speak (not physically).

When I was overweight my mother would suggest outfits to me that she thought had a "slimming effect" but it was much easier and more productive to me to simply concede to the fact that I was overweight and the only thing that would change that was to lose weight. There weren't dating websites at the time but I certainly wouldn't have tried to downplay my weight. I was very obviously fat and anyone who wanted to date me was going to have to be someone who would be ok with it, and a lot of people are ok with it because they have the same problem. But I don't see a point in trying to snag someone who isn't ok with it. I wouldn't have pretended my 100 extra pounds were 15 extra pounds.

I think you're really well-read, Chronos--especially in the sciences.

To tell you the honest truth, I think the stereotype that women can't succeed in the sciences is dissolving right before our very eyes.

I work in a college library as my part-time job, and I see many women engaged in scientific study. And they don't sacrifice their femininity one bit in that pursuit.

Jeez Chronos; if you were male making this thread; you would have been stoned by a furious gang by now.

There's a special weight option in some dating apps which is called "More to Love".



You're so insensitive Chronos; all people deserve love ;_;

My experiences on dating sites are with men's profiles, but I'm sure women do the same or similar things so it was a rant about people on dating sites in general.



The dating site in question had three columns of check boxes to describe one's body type qualitatively and then a section to enter the actual height and weight.




Insensitive? Possibly but never intentionally.



And there is someone who will love them, but I reserve my love for people who don't lie on dating sites.

To be honest, I don't know why people lie on a profile for a dating site. I was on tinder for a while last year (women, don't go there. It's the garbage can of men) and I explicitly put in my bio that I was looking for a relationship. Apparently, people don't read them anymore because I had someone message me asking to basically have sex with them. Ummmmmmmmmm... no. That's not happening.

After that experience, it turned me off on dating sites for forever. I'd rather meet a real person and walk into the relationship knowing what they look like rather than see them on a website and then have a date with them only to find out they look nothing like their picture... that's assuming I get a date in the first place.

Thank you. I have to say though, it's mainly a by product of having no social life.



Some fields have historically had a large proportion of women. Computer science used to be one of them before the 1970's or 1980's, and biomedical sciences as well. In fact in the 1930s it was not unusual to find laboratories full of women. The problem isn't so much that women have difficulty going into the sciences, it's that they encounter difficulties advancing in the workplace in STEM fields. They tend to hit a ceiling in middle management though why that is hasn't been determined yet. The retention rate for women in some STEM fields is also poor. In engineering the loss rate is about 44%, and it's known that the reason for that is the women tire of the culture and become discouraged at being passed up for promotions. Though why they are more frequently passed up for promotions has also not been determined.

I've spent a decent amount of time on dating sites and I've never noticed this. Are you sure you aren't just making assumptions about their age? A 37-year-old and a 47-year-old don't necessarily look very different, and people from different ethnic backgrounds age differently.

I'm not sure about the region you live in/grew up in/see profiles from, but here in the U.S. at least people have warped ideas about body size because so many people are overweight and obese. So a body that is clearly obese to some people might just seem overweight to USians.