Do love can come with time??

Post Reply New Topic

I always believed that yes but this guy I like doesn't think so, he says that he didn't fell in love with me the first time we met so he wouldn't ever be able to love me, that other girls he had loved happened at first sight etc (but it all ended with them)... but I can't convince myself of that? I'm being very nice to him recently, I learned to control myself better, and I'm nice to him even when I'm mad with him now... and I know him quite well and he is actually having a few issues recently and it seems I'm the only who understand him and give him support, I started to think that maybe he can fall in love with me because of it??

It's possible if there's a physical attraction from the start; and I think your guy is confusing between the two.

For me, it's only possible to fall in love with a girl before I know her too well. Being friends means I cannot fall in love with her, regardless of initial physical attraction. That rule applies to every time I've been in love, so I think it is how I work.

we had sex i'm not sure if it counts as physical attraction??

I can't understand how it works for him, or maybe to everybody? He told me once that the thing he wanted to feel with a girl he would love was that her made him feel a better person – doesn't the fact that I understand him and can comfort him whenever needed counts as it? Just because he didn't felt it initially it can't be enough? He felt this with other girls but at the end, they all left him – he is still with a girlfriend, but it seems to be just a matter of time, and he got much sadder after start dating her (not sure if connected, but surely she isn't doing anything to help).

What I feel worst about it is he misunderstood me a lot from the beginning, until now I'm not sure yet if he knows me completely. He used to look down on me, to think I was naive and bland. I know he likes me more now, but it seems he still isn't open to really see me? And why not to consider me an option? This love at first sight thing is clearly not working, why don't try something different?

It isn't that he thinks I'm completely hideous and can't feel any attraction to me, I guess because we used to have sex??

It's not that I feel I *deserve* his love or him own it to me because I'm nice. It's just that... why do he prefer to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't care for him? and why can't he change his mind about me hence I had changed my behavior a lot?

the thing that worries me more about it is that we are in long distance (by itself it wasn't a problem, because his actual gf is also on distance) so if we were in a relationship we could plan to be together, this would be so great because we offer a lot of support to each other I really miss having him near me, but if we are just friends we are probably never getting to live close to each other again :/ if i could live near him, i think i wouldn't mind much...

don't go for anyone who downplays you right in the beginning, already
that'll be "positionning" you as the one who needs and has to give in
--just from experience

Maybe she is into Doms.

Sounds to me he didn't really like you and just used you for sex..

I don't think love works that way. It would be a lot easier if we could just decide to love some nice person, but that's not how it works. At least it doesn't for me. I fall in love based on things I'm not fully in control of. For some, this is sexual attraction, but for me, it's more like flirting with eye contact and girl "showing off".



Because that's how he falls in love. Falling in love is not a conscious process you can start based on what you think is working.



Guys will have sex with girls just for fun, so that alone doesn't mean he sees you as a potential partner.

it's often like this with us like this :/ whenever we had a discussion, even if i'm right (and he admits it) i'm the one who give in... it's quite sad because i don't like this posture that he start to have, that he only does what he wants to – it goes beyond me actually, because i think this is what making him sad.

i don't care for being the weaker part in this, and i honestly don't even care if he doesn't love me the same level i love him... i just wanted the opportunity to be closer to him and to help him, and i would like if he could be more open to see who i really am.

when we met, i was in a completely different situation, i was much more sad and unstable, i think that's why he looked me down. also he used to think that we were very similar, but i was like him when he was younger but honestly this isn't true. i think he spent too much time projecting his old self on me, that he couldn't really see the person i am.

he is a good friend anyway
sometimes i had indeed felt used but i think it's a bit more complex than it or at least i want to believe on it because feeling used is too bad

??

I don't understand how it works... for me it was kind of a conscious process to fall for him. I didn't loved him at first. It's difficult to understand – he seem such a rational person, why can't he control this things as well?

I've known people people who absolutely hated each other at first glance/first meeting---but who, eventually, fell in love.

Love could develop over time. It doesn't have to be an instant attraction sort of thing.

I actually work the opposite way. Granted, I've only experienced anything close to real love once, but I think it was a strong enough indicator that I'm incapable of falling in love unless I at least have a close connection with the other person.