I don't want to be in another abusive relationship

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everyone. I just joined today. I really want to find a loving and healthy relationship and was wondering if anyone has found that for themselves. I am a 25 year old female who is very naive and believes people love me for me but instead I find they love to mold me into what they want. I've experienced physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abuse in all my relationships. NT men love me at first but then want me to take on a stereotypical housewife role and when I stand my ground they insult me, belittle me, threaten me, harm me, etc. I'm starting to learn the signs. Each relationship I notice it sooner and end it sooner. First one was 3 1/2 years, then 2 years, then 1 1/2, and most recent was 6 months. I just want to find someone genuine who loves me for me and I don't know how.

I have found myself in this situation. When I said to my partner this week, that I am unhappy because I do about 95% of the housework even though I too am working, he got angry and has left me.

I'm 42 and have only just been diagnosed which has come as such a relief. Well, more to know about Aspergers and feel some sense of agency for the first time. However, I still feel that when I try and have a serious discussion about something, it always goes in a very unexpected direction and I become really distressed. And when that happens I lose not only my reason but my temper. I'll snap and throw something because I am so frustrated by being intelligent but so, damn, inept.

Then I feel I deserve to be left because I've "lost it" as my dad would say to me.

But I digress from your point Dreamer25. I sympathise with you and understand how easily one can be taken advantage of. I too am naive in many ways and always imagine others will have the same obsession with honesty that I do - which means I don't see lies coming. Also I find it extremely difficult to know when I need to stop and take a real rest - have a day off and I don't know what to do with myself if I do - so I can work like a horse. But my partner said to me in response to this recently: 'do you know how difficult it is to be in a relationship with someone who says they're tired and in pain the whole time'.

I suggested (the next day, because I can't think of useful answers very quickly!) that rather than finding it irritating he could do something to ameliorate the situation. That that is what people who love each other do. I'd like to make it clear that I don't expect this of anyone, I know it's up to me to make changes if something doesn't work, but I do feel shocked at the illogicality and unkindliness of his remark!

Sorry, I have been complaining and wish I had a solution for you, Dreamer25, but sadly at nearly twice your age I still feel pretty clueless

I am glad for you however that you are able to spot abuse sooner and sooner in your relationships. That wisdom will stand you in good stead. May I suggest getting to know someone really well before entering a relationship and watch how they are with or when they talk about their family. Amazing what patterns one can see!