Communication Problems

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Please help, I've got a serious problem.

I've been talking to this (neurotypical) guy for a while now. He really likes me, and I like him too. When we text, our conversations are generally pretty good. But whenever we're hanging out together in person, I struggle to communicate with him. And now, because of that, he's saying that he doesn't know if we'll work out.

I haven't told him about my Asperger's yet, because we haven't known each other that long and I don't want his impression of me to be distorted by the stigmas that come attached to that label. But I just don't know what to do... This is the first guy who has ever shown this much interest in me, and I don't want to lose him..

Hey ashketchum.

First off, funny avatar Okay, so how many times have you actually hung out with this guy? What did you guys do on your hangouts? Were there specific activities involved or was it more of a laid back, chill, watch tv sort of thing? I don't think it's necessary for you to tell him about your diagnosis yet; you could just say that you're shy/nervous and it takes time for you to open up to another person. BTW, do you have difficulty communicating with other guys or even girls?

Tell him. It's because he doesn't understand what's going on. You already said that he said its prob not going to work out, so what have you got to lose? If he cares, he's going to want to know more about what AS is and if not then he's not meant for you. I don't know why people want to keep it a secret anyway because its going to come out eventually if you want a relationship with someone. Tbh, if someone didn't tell me until later about having AS I'd be wondering what else are they hiding? I don't think it's that big of a deal if a person is already communicating with you in person. They must like something about you.

Last edited by nurseangela on 06 Nov 2015, 9:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hi Beau. Thanks, haha

We met each other in class, so we've been getting to know each other since August. Outside of class, we've been on a study date sort of thing, we went on a super nice hike, and we're going to hang out again this weekend.

I've tried explaining that I'm shy to him, but he said that talking to each other should just come naturally... So, I'm not sure how to respond to him, because that's probably true for NT's, you know? :S

I have a lot of problems communicating with other people, especially if I don't know them well. But even when I'm familiar with people, I don't speak as much or as well as them. I'm even socially awkward with my family... :/

I get what you're saying, but I don't want to scare him off. It's kind of a heavy thing to tell someone while you're trying to get to know them, don't you think? If things work out, of course I'll tell him my diagnosis, but before that, I want him to know ME. Even though I consider Asperger's to be a huge part of me, I don't want the negative stereotypes portrayed by the media to make him think differently of me before he really KNOWS me. If that makes sense?

I can relate. I am far better texting people than talking to people, even though I have had some awkward conversations via text.

I think this person you like means that your communication problems won't work out, telling him you have Asperger's doesn't seem like a good solution. It's your communication problems that seem to be the underlying cause.

Thanks for replying.

I realize that my communication problems are the cause, but what I'm asking is: what can I do about it?

It's me again. Probably nothing. The communication between me and my Aspie friend has gotten worse and I know he's Aspie and it still hurts me that its not the way that I'd like it to be. I still care about him and know he's Aspie and that's why I haven't cut it off. A person I was just getting to know and things weren't improving then I'd start thinking there was something wrong with me and that's why they were having a hard time being comfortable around me.

Last edited by nurseangela on 06 Nov 2015, 10:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hi again.

I think I get what you're saying... Sorry about you and your friend.

Okay, so then it seems like you have only had 1 or 2 non-school related outings. I really do think he needs to give it more time before jumping the gun and saying that it won't work out. Anyways, enjoy this weekend. As for the NT's and 'talking should come naturally', I would have to disagree, especially when you have a crush on someone. Personally, I get flustered/blush a lot, and often times would say very little because I don't want to say the wrong thing and embarrass myself. I guess if you practiced your communication skills a bit more and learned some common questions to ask people (eg: since you're in school, you can ask your fellow classmates what their major is/what their future plans are after they graduate, what shows they enjoy watching etc) then there would be less awkward silences, and the conversation would flow better. I'd bet that those who appear to be great conversationalists actually ask different people the same generic questions, but they're able to build upon those responses with questions tailored to the individual. Does that make sense? Well, if you're up for it, you can practice your speaking skills wherever you go, like with a cashier at a supermarket or a classmate, and eventually, your skills will improve. Hope that helps.