Do women desire men who are leaders?

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Dearest WrongPlanet forum goers,

I wouldn't consider myself to be a very controlling guy. I am, however, very eager to take control of a group if the "leader" proves himself to be unable to guide the group to the best outcome. Which is most of the time, as guys who take leadership positions often have no idea what the hell they're doing. Do you see this as controlling, enticing, gross, cute, or something entirely different?

Sounds like being assertive over an aggressive-idiot.

And to answer your question, women like both assertive-guys and aggressive-idiots, but not passive-guys.

Not all women desire "leader types." Most of them desire a person with a "quiet confidence," it seems to me.

There are some women who like to take the "leader" role.

There are women who desire leaders, women who desire followers, and women who desire someone who is and does both...and they could want any of those regardless of whether they themselves want to lead or follow. Personally, I wanted a guy who I could be on equal footing with...but I'm rather assertive, so it had to be someone with some definite dominant traits in order for us to both be co-equals, not just me "rule the roost". However, my sister has a very submissive personality, so a guy who is as dominant as my partner would have steamrolled her; she's instead married to a guy who's also got a pretty submissive personality, so they're also equals, but with a very different guy and a very different girl. Someone who wanted to be a follower might want a fellow follower as a leader or someone who wanted to be a leader could want another leader as a follower so that she felt more "empowered" by it or any other combination of possibilities.

As kraftiekortie said, though, a "quiet confidence" is a generally-accepted preferred trait (still can vary person to person, but most of the time, confidence is desired regardless of whether a leader or follower mentality is desired).

Folks, no matter how much we wish it weren't true, humans are animals, and women are biologically programmed to seek out efficient males, leaders manipulate herds and herds of people, ergo leaders are about as efficient as you get in terms of male desirability.

Women not only desire men who are leaders, the rest of the men are invisible, every girl in the class wants the quarterback, every, single, one. Males desire fertile women; women desire resourceful men, leaders are at the top in terms of resources.

I've lived as a leader, so I know what it takes to be a leader, which I value a lot.

Thanks for all the input, fine people!

I would like to clarify something, though. I think we're combining two types of "leaders" that should be separated. A lot of you mention the star quarterback type. I'm not like that at all and could never be that sort of person. I don't really mean "guy with high social status" when I say "leader type", I am talking more about... someone who guides and/or assembles a group to solve problems. To go back in time to college, I wasn't the star quarterback, I was the student body vice president and the most active person in several projects whose goal was to make the campus a better place. Back when I played online games, I made my own clan and had fun recruiting fifty people! Does that make the distinction clear?

I ask about this because I've shifted position several times on the follower-leader spectrum as I've grown. I've always been toward the leader end, but not really in social groups. They tend not to have a goal beyond having fun and so don't need any kind of leader.

Yes and no. Women want guys who will make decisions and take responsibility, HOWEVER all the decisions they make are expected to be made with their (the women's) interests and desires in mind.

I'm very independent and like to be able to follow through with my own ideas and plans if I can. I like a partner to be a collaborator I suppose, in most circumstances, as in, they wouldn't automatically assume the position of leader but instead things would be discussed together. A leader when their plans are the best, a follower when mine are. Joint effort when we both have the same ideas at the same time. I wouldn't be attracted to someone who just tended towards leading all the time as the natural order of things. There has to be a reason to lead, not just leading for the sake of being the leader.

I agree with the collaborative approach myself.

Cathylynn: I wish I was as appealing as your husband. Only one girl has asked me out in my life. I was 17. It turned out that she wanted for me to join her religious group. I couldn't do that because I was atheistic even back then.

Instead, I've done the asking. I feel comfortable with that despite my shyness.