The day my life changed.

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I'm an Aspie in my 30's, I'm not typically attractive, money is tight and it can be a struggle to keep the bills paid and just to add to my baggage I have 2 kids to my ex-wife, 1 of which I am the primary carer to.

My relationship with my ex was the darkest period of my life that I felt was just the way my life was going to be. I started to realise I would be happier alone, I was drained, I wasn't me, I was forever trying to keep the peace in fear of an outburst.

I finally gained the courage to find an exit strategy. The night she moved out my body broke. I sat in a chair on the back veranda unable to move for hours until I was able gain enough strength to call a doctor on call, It was put down to pure exhaustion and I later got pneumonia.

I was alone with my thoughts, and quickly became depressed reflecting on my life up until that point, I was convinced I would be alone forever, until I hit rock bottom.

I realised I could salvage my life and I had 2 kids that I should be a role model for and I did not want to teach them to lay down when things get tough. I started to pickup the pieces, but still felt unworthy, but I realised I had nothing left to lose, which gave me confidence in a way. I had been talking to a girl on pof (plenty of fish), she seemed nice (and i was developing a crush) but nothing had really come of it other than some good conversation (and she seemed to get me more than most). This was a huge turning point for me, I bit the bullet and asked her out and much to my surprise she agreed to meet the next day. We decided on a restaurant close to her so she would feel safe.

Then the day that changed my life, I was very nervous / anxious on the drive, I arrived first and she arrived shortly afterwards, as soon as I saw her I was blown away, she was even more gorgeous than her pictures, and I still don't know why this made me less nervous, in fact I felt comfortable.

We hugged as we greeted, and I liked it... I didn't want to pull away which was strange for me, the restaurant was full so we decided to go for a walk, as we talked we realised just how much we had in common, she was interested in some of my special interests. The more we talked the more we had in common and seemed to have similar views on different topics.

She was adamant she would say something silly as she was nervous so we came up with the safe word 'donut', and it was used by both of us at various points as a "forget what i just said" or in my case not looking her in the eye, and it ended up making things feel even more comfortable. The conversation flowed and wasn't forced. I was getting conflicted as I was having a great time, but I didn't know what was expected, I know from reading that men are expected to make the first move, but I had never done this before.

As we ate dinner, I started to get anxious due to the surroundings starting to get hard to ignore, but once we finished eating she obviously noticed and suggested we go for another walk. I convinced myself, if she was not interested she would have left by now.

It got late and I suggested I walk her to her car as it was dark. I was having such an internal debate in my head, what do I do now? I know I want to see her again, but do I risk putting her off by making a move? or making my self uncomfortable. I decided I would try something small and try to gauge her response. We waited at a traffic light to cross and I put my arm around her (it was cold) and she nuzzled in. Even that did not convince me, as we continued to walk I brushed her hand with mine and she held my hand, the biggest surprise here was that it didn't make me feel uncomfortable, her touch was soft and delicate.

We continued to walk to her car holding hands, and I realised I had to try and kiss her if the opportunity arose, as I knew I would regret it if I didn't. This was a huge thing for me, even at this point I felt rejection was still a likely outcome, but tried to convince myself otherwise.

As we approached her car, I knew time was running out. She stopped as we got to her car, turned to me, and I knew it was now or never, I moved my hand up from her hand to her neck/head, she moved closer towards me and I committed and went in for the kiss.

I must say at this point, I have never been that fond of kissing, as it seemed to be messy and I don't enjoy having my face covered in spit... but this kiss... was amazing and probably better than any sex I'd had. As we finished all she could come out with was "wow", she said she had never been kissed like that before, and thank you. I asked her for what and she pointed down... to the bulge in my pants that I had been trying so hard to not "poke" her with or push into her. I didn't know what to do or say, but she laughed and said "Thanks for keeping him away, but at least I know your not just saying I'm gorgeous, he wouldn't lie".

She then asked me when she would see me again, to which I did not know what to say, I wanted to see her again, but was tomorrow to soon? next week to far? I ended up coming out with, "When would like to see me again?", She knew from previous conversation that I had my kids on the weekend and suggested Monday.

That was the day my life changed.

Over a year later and things could not be better. I am actually happy. We are engaged and she looks after my oldest during the day until he starts school next year, she is amazing with the kids and its obvious they have built a connection.
She understands I need space sometimes, we both look out for each other even if we don't fully understand sometimes. With our flaws and strengths we make a great team. Nothing is a drama.

I wanted to share my story, because I know there are many on here that believe they will be alone forever, but if I can find someone with all my baggage / anxiety and my past, then chances are its possible for others who believe it isn't.

It wasn't easy, I had to come out of my comfort zone (which wasn't even that comfortable) and do things I thought I never could and I had to reach rock bottom to realise I had nothing to lose by trying.

Remember I'm not an alpha guy with money and typical good looks, I have none of these attributes and never implied (to her) otherwise.

What a beautiful story.
Thanks for sharing part of your life with us, UnturnedStone.

That is a great story, and you can be an inspiration to others with AS. My story sounds pretty similar to yours. By age 22 or 23 I had given up on the idea of ever getting married. I have plenty of baggage myself: Asperger's Syndrome, alcohol and drug addiction (been sober for 22 years now), sexual abuse issues, insecure attachment style, psychological effects of being adopted, the list goes on and one.

And last month I celebrated 16 years of marriage! There is very little drama in our marriage, and few disagreements. In almost all areas it is better than I could have ever hoped for. I am a guy who went dateless from ages 22 to 28, and how I am married! How cool is that? How surprising is that!!

You and I can show others that marriage is possible no matter what conditions you have. Congrats to you and your fiancee, I hope you remain very happy together.

The lesson in this:

Never leave a Stone Unturned!

Seriously....yours is a nice love story, which counteracts what modern people think is "for real." It's "for real" in a sense which transcends ancientness and modernity.

It's transcendental! What a lovely story! Thank you for sharing!

Stop it kraftie.... I am drowning...

It's refreshing and inspiring to see happiness shared here. Thank you for sharing this story with us, and may your relationship flourish for many years to come

I am glad for you...sounds like quite an improvement from how your life was going before.

It is very positive that you have found someone with an understanding of how certain social surroundings or senses can cause you to feel overloaded. It just goes to show that love is possible if both parties are willing to be patient, understanding and loving.

^Hear hear! You forgot to add communication, though.

Some people don't know how important communication, unfortunately.

Communication is very important, and in my case so is preemptive communication.

Sometimes communication can be difficult for me, things can come out jumbled and not make sense when I'm stressed or anxious, but as she is aware of this we can work around it.

and we still use our "Donut" safe word to this day as a "Crap, I know I just said that, but I didn't mean it".

But there is very little conflict between us at all, we may have a difference of opinion now and then, but if so both options are explored in detail and we usually come to an agreement that way. I usually offer the most logically, efficient / effective approach and she usually offers the more socially acceptable approach and often we meet in the middle.

I must admit I am often baffled by the socially acceptable / expected but googling proves she is right on the money.

We validate each other, we encourage each other to have our own minds and opinions and most importantly we don't try to change or control each other.