Yep I f****d up

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English as second language
Autism
Dyslexia
Hearing loss
Cognitive dissonace issues

Yep, life is already over. f****d up communication issues. When I bother to make efforts to make improvements, it still not helping my life that should and supposed to be improved. But every single women still pushes me away and making me becoming undesirable. I understand I have communication challenges and I have been working on it. But for fecking christ sake, dont fecking patronize me and pushes me away from normal experiences. Gosh turning 25 soon is getting worse and worse.

If you look good, then try and make yourself out to be a "strong-loner" of some sort which is supposedly attractive, and don't talk very much either.(which goes well with being a strong-loner type)

I would reconsider unless if they stop bullying me.

Though I joined up the deaf community. Just had first gathering on Friday night just then. Its ok, but mostly are interpreters. I am going to represent the state for the deaf games, so there is networking. I will use my auslan to communicate with them.

I used to have other account on WP years ago and everyone bullied me. I don't know about today. I had some negative people throwing tantrums at me in past months. I used to be with the local aspie network here in my city. I kept getting bullied by many of them about my differences and telling them that my experience of learning things. They hate being lectured. I used to like hating being lectured, and I ended up losing friends because of that. I hurt people when I hate being lectured. Now its their turn by bullying me.

Interpreters, I don't know about them to be honest. One girl I like to go out with she is an interpreter. She told me she want to build friendships first. She have ptsd that why, thus no trust in guys. She asked me to help her auslan skills, first time going to be alone together, since the fact she doesn't trust guys. She doesn't have many friends like I do.

I thought improving chances of finding someone is the presence, like an effort to show up and do things. I used to be a hermit by sitting at the computer all the time. This year it my first year of going out many times. Despite my anxiety, I still feel a little scared or nervous when going to new places. Like this auslan girl who took me to the local auslan club last Friday night. She sat closely next to me asking to see if I am okay. She never done that before since she doesn't trust guys.

She knows that I like her, thus why asked me to build friends. I asked her out once, instead other guy that I also know he likes her too and that constantly kept asking her out and rejecting him everytime. She told me she doesn't want him, and he doesn't respect that. I don't know if I am being chosen yet. She told me that she is not 110% fully trust me yet but asked me to her out auslan out alone. She used to say to me prefer to meet at the meetup club events, but now its this.

I like her because of her auslan with understanding of hearing loss awareness and stuff, I also like her values and morals. She is very mature at 26, that she is not superficial. She wants a family. So do I.

But I don't know. It happens before with other women, I am always the one screwed up because they ended up with someone else or just friend zoned forever.

If I may interject: I like shy men. I like men who don't talk much. I've learned that most men on the spectrum ar quiet as long as they perceive that everything is okay. I like that. I find it reassuring. The world is a big place and their are other women like me. I baby talk and most men find this annoying. It's important to wait for someone who accepts you. Until then, learn to love yourself, nobody is going to do that for you. I'm glad you're here, I piss people off on a regular basis as well. It's only autism. The right woman will learn to communicate with you.