My Aspie husband is overly clingy

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My husband has recently found out he has Aspergers. Since it is so new to us, we are both still learning about it. I was curious about something that has bothered me about him since we started dating.

My husband is so clingy. He needs me to hug him all the time and gets super aggitated if I'm busy such as cooking dinner and can't stop to hug him. He also has no idea when he's being inappropriatly intimate. He will try to be intimate while I am cooking dinner with our kids sitting in the living room and I tell him this isn't the place or time for that but it's like he doesn't hear me.

I love that he's affectionate. I just wish he would do it at an appropriate time and place.

I was curious if other partners of Aspies experienced this?

Well next time he does that and doesn't 'hear' you perhaps you should say 'hey, I'm serious not right now.' For whatever reason it sounds like he's just not taking it seriously, how do you usually word it?

I mean it is a bit strange to me if this has been a problem since you started dating him, why you're only now thinking to address it now after so long you've already had kids together. Though I don't think its inappropriate to show any affection in front of kids but obviously nothing that you wouldn't let them watch on t.v....basically I don't think a couple has to act entirely platonic around their offspring .

I don't mind kissing and stuff but when he tries to put his hand down my pants with our kids in the next room where they can easily walk in, then I think it's inappropriate.

And I have mentioned it before to him. It didn't bother me so much when we were teenagers and didn't have kids but we have a 4 year old who is being diagnosed with Aspergers right now and that's not something he should see.

I was just curious if other spouses experienced this with their aspie partner.

Because Aspies have trouble picking up social clues, it can be hard for them to figure out the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. You may actually need to have an actual discussion to clear things up--no amount of hinting is going to work.

Erm, yeah I kinda recognise this. Enforce strict but regular hugging times, perhaps? :p

So is this something common among Aspies?

I know some don't like touch and stuff but can some of them almost crave it?

I don't know about common, but I can be very huggy. My partner and I are similar in that regard though so I don't have much experience with it being a problem.

It's complicated. Sensory issues, like surrounding touch, do not often make rational sense. I have noticed a few people report that they heavily dislike the feeling of a light touch, but greatly enjoy heavy pressure. (e.g. http://www.grandin.com/inc/squeeze.html)

To echo some of the above posters, you will have to tell him explicitly "I don't enjoy sexual touch when I'm working at the stove, or anywhere that the kids might see. I'd like to keep that to the bedroom from now on" or something similar. Leaning away from him, looking irritated, saying "Not right now!" or any number of other responses are not going to make clear to him that you want to set some boundaries about this. Aspies have a hard time understanding social context and non-verbal hinting.

People on the spectrum may crave touch, and for many their intimate relationship is the only place they get access to it. Let him know you don't dislike his affection, only his choice of time and place, and let him know you want to have that affection, too--in the proper time and place for you to relax and enjoy it.

Oh yeah, that would certainly be quite inappropriate for them to walk in on...I'd think it reasonable to explain not to do that kind of stuff when the kid is up and about able to walk in or if your in the same room. I can't think why he couldn't respect that....has he given any kind of reasoning or anything like does he disagree it would be inappropriate for the 4 year old to walk in on? Or does he just act like he doesn't hear you and keep at it. It could also be maybe he's taking it to mean you aren't in the mood right than but not making the connection about concerns of the child walking in. So you might have to be very specific.

But perhaps there are others here with a simular experience who might have some more insight.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 24 Mar 2016, 2:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No, I don't think he disagrees that our little boy shouldn't see that or anything like that.

Like the other posters said, people with Aspergers have a hard time understanding what is socially acceptable or get social cues. So he just doesn't understand why I say it's not appropriate.

I'm the complete opposite. Traditional relationships are too dependent.