Pls help - how to show interest?

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I think that I am probably in love with a guy at work. I already noticed that he liked me for a couple of months, but I had little contact to him and I wasn't really feeling it, you know. But in the last two months or so I talked to him a bit more and he got a bit more direct and obviously tried to make me notice. And I guess I actually like him too. Now, I am really naive and inexperienced as I have never had a relationship before. Pretty sure he's NT, although he does have a certain weirdness about him, but not in an autistic way, and also he seems rather shy, which combined with me being VERY shy does not make it easier, at all.

So, the thing right now is, I'm at a point where I want to try out having a relationship, and I think we'd actually be a great match, and I've thought about him a lot. But I am so awkward and terrible at flirting, that I think he has the impression I'm not interested. He came over to talk to me a couple of times at social gatherings, like gathering in the cafeteria after work, in the last weeks but I was so nervous I mostly just stared at the table and never really was the one to initiate anything. Also I have a - male - friend in my department who I mostly stick to and he recently confessed that he has a crush on me, which I don't reciprocate, but I know that some people expect us to become a couple soon, so that might make a wrong impression on this other guy, I'm not sure... The last two days at work he seemed very down and quiet and didn't even look at me at all, I don't know the reason but I don't want him to think I'm not interested, you know? But then I also don't know how to express it in a way that is possible for me... I cannot really make eye contact and just close up and withdraw when someone I like is around...

Just ask him out for coffee or ask him if he'd like to join you for lunch or something. Sometimes, if you're not good at the subtle ways of showing interest then the non-subtle and explicitly open way works. Don't be afraid of being too forward, personally I would prefer it if women were more forward toward me.

Indeed, but be careful: work and relationships don't mix.

What about a letter or a gift? Both of those have worked on me.

PS Be prepared for some drama from co workers who don't approve. They will gossip but if you both like each other, that's the most important thing in my opinion.

I ask myself the same thing some times... even though that is not my assigned role anyway...

Alright, well that went horribly wrong! It continued like this for a while until today I finally had the guts to tell him that I like him. I really was pretty sure by now, you know? I felt like he was sending all the signals. He often stood much closer to me than necessary. Or said things that were kind of like... yeah.. made me feel like he was hinting at something. And what's the f*****g answer I get? He appreciates my honesty, but he doesn't think he likes me as a girl and also he is very surprised by this. WHAT??? How can I be so extremely s**t at picking up nonverbal things? I expected with 92 percent certainty he would reply he likes me too.

So.. that's great. I feel like s**t now - guess I already liked him much more than I was aware of - and work's gonna be awkward. And I'm 22 and have still not had any relationship. Only people I don't have romantic feelings for like me, and vice versa. And other women have had 5 boyfriends by 17. What is this s**t.

I'm sorry this happened to you, Sanctus.

But at least you tried....that's the most important thing. It's better than not trying.

There are many nice guys out there for you.

Try not to let this get you down.

Keep on plugging.

Thank you all It still really hurts right now. Well, it's been not even one day, lol. I still can't quite get over how wrong my impression was. Makes me wonder if I can still trust my instincts at all. I think part of it is that I subconsciously assume everyone thinks and acts like me, and so eye contact and talking to people are a big deal for me but just basic friendliness to others, I suppose. Still.. I cannot get rid of the impression that he was much more awkward and shy around me than around others. I just do not get it.

I don't even usually want to have a relationship so much. I was fine being single before. But for some reason this really feels much worse than the two times before when I was rejected. I hope it doesn't last too long. I don't actually care so much about what he thinks now, or if it's awkward. If there's no chance anyway then I don't care about what he thinks any more.

Ah....such is love!

It's painful. But at least you've gotten the feeling.

And it will pass pretty soon.

I've never been to Hamburg--not even Germany!

Does Hamburg have lots of historic buildings?

I will just rant some more in this thread right now. It's cool if someone answers or shares experiences, but you don't have to. I just need to write this down somewhere and somehow it feels better to have someone maybe actually read it, than to just write it for myself.

Alright, today was not easy. I had about 2 hours of sleep. Cried for about an hour when I went to bed. It was still so fresh and I just spiraled right down into self hate. Felt stupid and thought 'of course he doesn't feel like that for me. Why would he. Does he think I'm ugly or weird?' I know, rationally, that I am not ugly, just a bit chubby. I know however that I am indeed weird. I even had the urge to scratch or cut my arms again like I did with about 12. Didn't, though. Then I went to work, because if I had stayed home 'sick' he would have known it was because of him, and that would have been even more embarassing. It was ok at first, a bit awkward, but I think I was pretty good at not letting anything show. I was laughing and talking with everyone as always while feeling s**t inside. It got worse the later the day got. At about 4pm I kept thinking 'I just want to die right now'. Not real suicidal thoughts, more like 'make the pain stop'. Now at home it is a bit better again, although I am crying again, but I just need to let it out.

I think I am more emotionally hurt about this than I would normally be, just from the rejection alone. I feel 'betrayed' by myself, my brain, because I thought there was something between us, yes I was pretty sure, and there actually never was anything. I had all these imagined fantasy scenarios in my head of how it would be, finally, my first relationship. It was something I expected to happen. I'll admit that even unhealthy motivations were a part of it, like 'finally I'll be able to present my first boyfriend, and prove I'm not unlovable'. And now all that is gone from one second to the next. I actually barely know anything about him and it is possible he is not really how I imagine it. So I really should not react this strongly. What hurts most is all the missed opportunity I feel. And like something has been taken from me. Although as I now know I imagined it from the start. In the future I should try to not imagine and guess so much, but actually talk to the person, however hard it is.

I wish we could at least become friends, I am still interested in him as a person either way and want to know more about him. Noone has ever confused me like him, I am not sure of anything anymore now. He is probably the first person I ever met who shares even less about his life than me, and it's driving me crazy. I don't know if he even likes me in a friend kinda way at all, or if my confession weirded him out and he'd rather not be around me any more. Sure, we hung out and he was always friendly to me but maybe I'm just a random co-worker for him and he doesn't want anything beyond that. I don't know if becoming friends would be a realistic option, if it would make things worse for me, if I should just cut him out of my life as far as possible. I just really hope he doesn't find anyone else at work, that would make it a 1000 times worse.

Oh, by the way. Yes Hamburg does have some historical sights, but I'm not the best person to tell you about them - don't really know or care about that kinda stuff

I do feel a bit better now. I just hope from here on it goes up, not further down.

He is probably just flirty, and wasn't totally honest about it. It's pretty common I'd say. Was another post with similar situation recently by aspieotaku I believe.