article on the difference between wanting and entitlement

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https://emmatheemo.wordpress.com/2013/0 ... eguy-hate/

I'm surprised that something so basic as this, has to be explained in great detail, for such a big chunk of the population.

I actually wonder if the word "entitled" is complete sarcasm in this context. Seems like a guy only gets called that if he doesn't get what he claims to want after complaining about it(strong evidence that he isn't entitled, despite what he thinks).

Not fond of that. To me, wanting sex [or anything] is one thing. You can want whatever the hell you want, it's your prerogative... wanting isn't an issue because it doesn't involve an action .

"I'm a good person and want a relationship, so will look for one" seems reasonable.

"I am in shape, hygienic, gainfully employed, possession of many expensive/stylish sweaters and looking for a commitment, everything girls say they want, yet no girl will date me... and those same damn girls date poor college guys, my classmates, are upfront about not looking for anything serious and who wear tacky, ratty t-shirts and are so broke they drink nothing but PBR. Waaaaah! Women are evil, deserve hot college girls, my classmates don't, women are shallow and evil for refusing to date ME. I'm entitled to girls, it's unfair they deprive me of the sex I feel I deserve" is unreasonable. Way over-entitled.

I don't think anybody's entitled to anything besides civility (politeness stops the world from descending into anarchy) from anybody else, ever. Certainly, nobody is ever entitled to anybody else's body. Ever.

^^
Just wait until that hypothetical guy in your story actually does get-laid. Then he probably really will feel "entitled". Meaning he'll want more-more-more of it and very soon just cause he's gotten it b4.

He now has actual evidence(not proof) to back-up his entitlement-belief. Whereas before he had none.

Jessica Valenti is a nutcase though. Her own shadow would offend her.

I think that unfortunately the Jessica's of the world only meet the chaps she writes about after the man has been through several years of frustration and trying and failing. She meets the angry guy that is at the end of his tether. If she'd met him 5 years or so before he would have been more optomistic and less frustrated. Plus women like her probably didn't have the same social issues and can't understand at all what it's like to think you are doing things right, but then find out what you are doing is actually repelling other people.

She has no idea.

My problem with the feminists attacking "nice guys" is that it's transparent bullying and hypocrisy. They like to claim they are only attacking guys who are really NOT nice guys, not simply any guy who has ever expressed frustration. The problem is the way they word things they clearly are attacking the latter. According to their logic any complaining over feeling left out in the cold in terms of finding love or intimacy is evidence of "entitlement" (based on their bizarre definition) and misogyny. I've never been able to follow their reasoning.

Because their attack hits so broadly it seems transparent that they're just swinging at low hanging fruit. Instead of attacking those who really are as*holes, they attack those lowest on the social totem pole. They do it because it feels good to attack where they know they can actually inflict pain. No damn is given whether the target is the one actually deserving the attack. It's like if I decided to go and kick the dog because I was mad at an abusive relative. And they call themselves "social justice warriors". It's also highly offensive that they merely assume the "nice guy" always wants their body and nothing more.

LeelaLeela:

What about the guy who is doing all the right things to be as physically and mentally attractive as possible, but is still failing and is simply venting his frustrations (which is healthy as not only do human beings feel these emotions but it's better than bottling it up).

Imho:

Entitled = I deserve women no matter what.

Not entitled = I'm doing all the right things, but still not seeing any results. It's not women's fault, and I'm not angry at those that are considered 'less attractive' by social/cultural standards, but just frustrated.

Thing is, it takes time, dedication, effort and money not just in relationships, but life in general. And if you use all these things in your life and still find no results, it's natural to feel frustrated.

Compare getting a relationship to getting a job.

Entitled = I deserve a job no matter what. Even if I don't have the right qualification I am an extremely friendly person so the job should be mine.

Not entitled = I work hard, I have the correct degree, I have the necessary skills required for the job, I'm extremely friendly and easy to work with, I respect authority, etc. yet I still don't have the job. I've applied to many, many places in my field and yet it's been two years.

People have every right to feel angry or frustrated over lack of success sometimes.

So, a successful social life is earned by being a nice, good and interesting, positive person? Well, some of us are all of those things, yet we still have a tiny number of friends while a large number of 'a55høles' congregate together and are all magnetized to each other.

My ex-girlfriend is a wonderful example. She was extremely selfish, over-dramatic, would always take things the wrong way, extremely aggressive, and overall an absolutely hateable person. Yet me, a caring, kind, compassionate guy she was the best I could do, and yet she manages to get a new boyfriend/relationship (a 21 year old in fact) 3 DAYS after we broke up.

Should I really never ever feel annoyed bullsh*t like this happens in the world? Do I feel entitled to a woman/happy relationship? No, not at all. But when any old deadbeat criminal thief hobo redneck bogan grubby drug-addict G.I. skinny man can go through dozens of good relationships while even the most attractive of aspies can't, then there's clearly a problem here.

Maybe it's just 'life is unfair'. Though the world doesn't become more fair if we just ignore the issue and continue to live a life being treated unfairly. Life is unfair, sure, but whoeever said we can't MAKE it fair? And how do we do that?

By consistently deciding to be polite, helpful, kind, selfess, considerate, compassionate people in this world that tolerate and care for others.

I completely agree with Marshall on this one. Life's unfair and that sucks, and it's the reason why some people are so happy through no effort while other people who really are trying are so miserable.

Instead of criticizing people who complain life is unfair and basically telling them to shut up, why don't we give them some constructive criticism - by asking them 'Life's unfair, but what are YOU going to DO about it?'

Once more people learn to do this, perhaps the world would be a much better place.

Katy is the kind of person who closes her ears so hard and sings "LA LA LA LA I DON'T HEAR YOU".

She feels so entitled to her 'right' of bitchy behavior :p.

Altruism isn't always important in a Darwinian society to have successful relationships, in fact being good isn't a requirement to get what you want in life. Being good or selfless should be a reward in itself and not a vehicle to personal gain.

Social power and leverage are far more important than altruism when it comes to relationships.

It's a pity most people confuse desire and entitlement. There's a thin line between them though.