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Was this a stupid thing of him to do?

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Jamesy
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06 Feb 2017, 3:05 pm

Last Saturday at the bar one of my 'aspie' friends said to this girl he knew from the past "I love you" infront of some of her friends. The girl is in a 2-3 year committed relationship with one of his old school friends"

Do you think that was a very stupid thing of him to do? My friend genuinely meant what he said to her.



ThisAdamGuy
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06 Feb 2017, 3:40 pm

Yes. At best, he could have embarrassed her. At worst, he could have started rumors that could have ultimately ended up hurting her relationship with her husband.


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Tobes
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06 Feb 2017, 5:52 pm

Did your aspie friend know the girl was in a relationship?



Jamesy
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06 Feb 2017, 5:54 pm

Tobes wrote:
Did your aspie friend know the girl was in a relationship?


YES



Tobes
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06 Feb 2017, 6:14 pm

Well, because he's an aspie he can probably be cut some slack for making such an off-the-cuff remark instead of keeping it to himself. He may have thought it may change things and that she may have had secret feelings for him, only revealed if he was to reveal his.

Stupid? No... he got it out of his system. It's more embarrassing for him than anyone else. The main thing is that he now knows she's not interested and doesn't do it again. If this is something he does with lots of women he meets, well you may have to talk with him about how relationships work and that women probably aren't falling head over heels in love with him, like he might be with them.



kraftiekortie
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06 Feb 2017, 7:03 pm

It was a dumb thing to do, and could have gotten your friend beaten up if the guy was present and drunk

If the guy was sober, he might have just laughed it off.

Remember: this is a bar setting, and people are on edge there.

And if your friend knew that the girl was in a relationship, he (Aspie or no Aspie) should have known not to say this to her at all (unless they are actually good friends).



Jamesy
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06 Feb 2017, 7:17 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It was a dumb thing to do, and could have gotten your friend beaten up if the guy was present and drunk

If the guy was sober, he might have just laughed it off.

Remember: this is a bar setting, and people are on edge there.

And if your friend knew that the girl was in a relationship, he (Aspie or no Aspie) should have known not to say this to her at all (unless they are actually good friends).



My friend had not see the girl since August 2014. So last Saturday was the first time he saw her in 3 years



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06 Feb 2017, 7:18 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It was a dumb thing to do, and could have gotten your friend beaten up if the guy was present and drunk

If the guy was sober, he might have just laughed it off.

Remember: this is a bar setting, and people are on edge there.

And if your friend knew that the girl was in a relationship, he (Aspie or no Aspie) should have known not to say this to her at all (unless they are actually good friends).


+1



kraftiekortie
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06 Feb 2017, 7:29 pm

They could have had some kind of talk before he said he loved her.

You know, something like: do you have a boyfriend?



Jamesy
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06 Feb 2017, 8:06 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
They could have had some kind of talk before he said he loved her.

You know, something like: do you have a boyfriend?



My friend is completely obsessed with her to the point of insanity. Most girls who he liked in the past he would get over quite quickly but he can't to stop obsessing over this one woman though.



kraftiekortie
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06 Feb 2017, 8:15 pm

I hope he doesn't start stalking her or something....



Jamesy
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06 Feb 2017, 8:29 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I hope he doesn't start stalking her or something....



Well he has done not too long ago. Even used to frequent the same park she went too and used to walk near her house 8O



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06 Feb 2017, 8:39 pm

Jamesy wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
It was a dumb thing to do, and could have gotten your friend beaten up if the guy was present and drunk

If the guy was sober, he might have just laughed it off.

Remember: this is a bar setting, and people are on edge there.

And if your friend knew that the girl was in a relationship, he (Aspie or no Aspie) should have known not to say this to her at all (unless they are actually good friends).



My friend had not see the girl since August 2014. So last Saturday was the first time he saw her in 3 years


Then yes it was stupid, she is in a relationship...what did he think it was going to accomplish? Did he think she'd just throw away her relationship and jump into his arms and say 'I'm yours, to hell with him.' if anything it makes him look like kind of a sleaze bag trying to pursue other guys girlfriends.


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06 Feb 2017, 8:44 pm

Jamesy wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I hope he doesn't start stalking her or something....



Well he has done not too long ago. Even used to frequent the same park she went too and used to walk near her house 8O


Wow, well he should probably stop if he doesn't want to be branded a stalker and risk legal trouble. Aspergers isn't an excuse to stalk people.


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Jamesy
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06 Feb 2017, 8:49 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
It was a dumb thing to do, and could have gotten your friend beaten up if the guy was present and drunk

If the guy was sober, he might have just laughed it off.

Remember: this is a bar setting, and people are on edge there.

And if your friend knew that the girl was in a relationship, he (Aspie or no Aspie) should have known not to say this to her at all (unless they are actually good friends).



My friend had not see the girl since August 2014. So last Saturday was the first time he saw her in 3 years


Then yes it was stupid, she is in a relationship...what did he think it was going to accomplish? Did he think she'd just throw away her relationship and jump into his arms and say 'I'm yours, to hell with him.' if anything it makes him look like kind of a sleaze bag trying to pursue other guys girlfriends.




In his defence he has been thinking about her for 3 years (missing her a lot) and when he saw her (up close in person) for the first time in so long he got very emotional.



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06 Feb 2017, 8:54 pm

For what it's worth... I suggest you have a talk to him about the do's and don'ts of general social situations. If you don't feel up to that, I suggest you advise him to seek out some type of Asperger's teaching program (for lack of a better term), where he can learn to be less aspie.

I personally don't think he is a creep or a weirdo or whatever most here would... but he needs to learn the right way to do things and when to 'admit defeat' such as letting past feelings go. Just my 2 cents.