need relationship help

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I have been dating this non-aspie guy for almost two years now, but we have been having problems due to a lot of my behaviors. One thing that causes problems is my lack of volume control, I try so hard to control it but he thinks that because of this that I am yelling at him and getting upset with him. Another problem is that I can't always tell if he is joking or not, causing me to act in a way I shouldn't which upsets him. Then there is my problem of just doing the wrong thing in the wrong situation making him think I don't care. I try and explain things the best I can but it seems to always make things worse, and I feel as if I am just making excuses so I just hide in places like the bathroom crying as quietly as possible, I just don't know what to do. I have been trying so hard to get help from therapy as well as trying hard every day to fix my behavior problems but I feel it just drives a wedge between us. I really just don't want to lose him, I love him, but I am afraid the end is near for us as I can't change despite how hard I try. I just keep on messing everything up and it frustrates me and it upsets him, and I am tired of making him upset.

Hmm I think you're definitely doing the right thing getting help through therapy and the like. When these incidents happen is it because you are nervous? Also have you talked to him to get his view on how you are coming off when you try to explain things and maybe work out how to better come across to him? I get the sense that at least some of your anxiety may be due to some assumptions which could be cleared up by talking to him. Communication is the most important thing in stabilizing a relationship though keep in mind it also means he has to do his part by being understanding of your condition. He may not understand everything you do but he should at least be trying to understand and be supportive, the burden can't be all yours alone.

I have tried to but he often tells me I am just making excuses and that I should know better.

The problem isn´t you, all people have defects or make mistakes. The thing is, he has to love you the way you are.

He tells me he does, but then he tells me every time I make a mistake that it frustrates him and that it makes him feel as if I am a lost cause to which I always tell him that I try my hardest but somethings like my tone control are just hard for me, to which he says that's what you always say. Then he stops talking to me and ignoring me and I find a little place to cry without him hearing, but then later after all is said and done he will tell me he loves me. but I worry with how this always happens when will be the last straw I don't want us to break up but I have gotten so paranoid. At this moment he is mad at me for something I did hours ago.

For some reason WP likes to nail me with this capchta nonsense when I make long posts. Here's the rest of what I meant to say.

So I guess the best advice I can give at this point is to take a step back, ask if he is really doing all that he can do to understand you, and if the answer is no, try to come up with a plan of action that either gets him the help he needs to deal with his problem (As you are certainly making the attempt on your part) or releases you from any long term torment that he might end up inflicting on you. It's not an easy choice and I admit I am probably coming off harsher than I should, but in the end constantly being in a state of sadness due to your SO's actions towards you is neither healthy nor productive and it is a situation that needs to be fixed asap.

seems like he is abusive