Dating

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It's been a while since I've posted here on WP. Not sure if it was before or after my last date. I've decided I'm going to be forthright with any date I may have about my Asperger's. I've noticed that most people pick up on it anyhow. My trouble in my limited experience dating is that I can't get that second date. I came close once which was actually my last date about 21 months ago but she had a story about being sick, we made plans to reschedule but I never heard from her again after that. The other thing and I think this relates to my trouble getting a second date is I am not good at showing physical intimacy. I don't know why. I don't mind hugging people I already know or am close with but with someone I just met for the first time I just can't. I feel comfortable in some settings like bars, musical shows, etc where some other people may not but in many other ways, I'm totally intimidated by the NT world.

There are many women out there who wouldn't mind it if you don't express physical intimacy on the first date. They think you're a gentleman, then.

When you say goodbye, just say you had a good time, and would like to see her again. If she reaches out for a hug, then hug her--but if she doesn't, then don't hug her. But express your enthusiasm for the date you had. And that you would like to see her very near in the future.

Sounds good. I've operated like that already but all sounds good to me. I've been feeling really disillusioned lately since it's been a while number one along with the time of the year. Plus no matter where you go, you can't escape couples. I almost envy people who don't care about these sort of things because I wish I didn't. I should add that a month back when I was doing trivia with some friends, a very drunk young woman was very flirtacious with me and I even got her number but when I texted her the next day to confirm our plans for a date, nothing came about.

The only thing you can really do, sir, is keep plugging away.

I'm only asking out of curiosity: are you employed now?

No, I'm not. My last job ended a month back. I've had trouble obtaining consistent and steady work. You're right though. Just gotta keep plugging away. I have no desire to give up but I'm having one of my cynical nights. Tough weekend trying to start conversations with girls this weekends at the bars.

What caliber of woman do you meet at this bar? At some bars, the caliber of women tend to be quite low. I hope you meet somebody who likes trivia, too.

I think, if you win the trivia contest, you'll have a good shot at a lady.

I'm going to be honest here: The reality is that you probably should NOT tell prospective employers you have Asperger's. They don't have as much knowledge about it as we do. They have various types of prejudices, too.

I actually don't do trivia that often. I'm not actually looking to hook up with any of the girls at the bars but really just work on conversation skills. To be perfectly honest, I'm not really good at small talk. I've actually gone the same route Re: Not telling employers, I've decided I should and here's why- I think it allows me some comfort that I would have but I really haven't had enough interviews to know if it's a killer or not. The good news i've gotten much better at eye contact since I completed my degree four years ago and interviewing in general.

One thing that's easy to talk about--and is classified as small talk: the weather. You can't go wrong with that. If you're in the NYC area, you could talk about how abnormally warm it has been....then extend it to Global Warming--then the conversation can get quite scientific/intellectual, indeed, if that's the desire of the both of you.

Ironically, the weather is one of my main special interests. I also enjoy history quite a bit.

If you don't mind me asking: What sort of job are you looking for?

True. I actually am in NYC a fair a bit as I got friends up there. Big time history guy here. I'm looking for a job in paralegal work though. I got my certificate last winter but honestly at this point, I'm willing to do some compromising, my last job as merely scanning receipts. Quite boring ot tell you the truth but decent enough pay and i liked the work environment and guys I worked with but I really want something with my skill set.

There are lots of Aspies who are paralegals.

But the paralegal profession is quite competitive these days. Some interviewers have their prejudices; some might even be Aspie themselves. But I don't know if I would disclose that I'm Aspie. I do understand your feelings on the matter.

I work in the legal profession--but as a support data-entry person.

There was a position open where I work. It involved informing victims of crimes when the defendants' court days are. There were over 200 applicants for 2 openings! If you tell them you're Aspie, it's probable they wouldn't choose you, to tell you the truth.

I happen to know that the Manhattan DA's Office is always searching for paralegals. You could Google and obtain the website. I believe the URL is www.manhattanda.org.

You should also go to Indeed. There are many paralegal openings in the NYC area.