Dating issue for a outsider - one sided

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I have been on five dates with a girl and another one today probably. She has a nice face, quick to reply, friendly, polite, not racist, pays for things etc..... But there are three problems and two are not related to this forum.

One sided, i.e. she very very rarely asks anything back and does not acknowledge points in sms's. If I stop talking or asking tonnes of questions the convo ceases in person or sms. Mentioned it twice by SMS but no change.

It is rather annoying as it seems she does not care about myself though I think it may not be on purpose.

She has not announced she has Aspergers but her brother seems to and I have seen signs like this before.

Any ideas on the one sided bit please? I was thinking of moving on but it seems it is not on purpose so don't want to be evil quickly.

What's an SMS? I don't get that concept.

I would sort of feel uncomfortable if she is paying all the time; maybe ask her why? Or else: go with the flow, especially if you happen to be relatively broke.

It would be nice, though, if you would offer to pay sometime in the future.

Why rock the boat unnecessarily? You said she has many good attributes.

Hi kraftiekortie,

Thanks for replying.

SMS or text message.

No, she does not always pay but is fair. I have paid for most things and she does offer to pay part and last time all without asking.

She is nice but annoying she "shows little interest" back. It is like I am interrogating her 95% of the time and she is not interested back. When she messages I am question and ack. all points, not at all the same back.

It seems that you have two choices, either accept her as she is or not date.

I'm not sure what you mean by being 'evil'?

He means he doesn't want to dump her; he sees that as "evil."

Maybe she is Aspie--who knows? But I wouldn't bring up the subject unless she talks about Tony Attwood or Temple Grandin, or mentions autism research. Frequently, people who are "on the fence" are in deep denial, and don't want to be reminded of the possibility.

I can understand that you want affection back; I would want that, too!

I'm wondering if she has had some kind of trauma which prevents her from "opening up."

Initially I thought maybe she is selfish or not interested, then a few points came together and thought she seems interested. A past friend has aspergers and a ex-girlfriend did so I think I can spot some points.

The question is how do I raise in person the one-sided convo/ack. problem in a way she will get (+ fix) and not suggest she has anything.

Ask her if she has any "special interests." Then let her spout forth if she happens to have one. Who knows? Maybe you both share that interest!

They key is to get her to TALK. If she's an Aspie, that'll get her motors running!

She certainly has interests which are part of the problem. Everything is focused around that and too much. I can share that interest for a little bit but not 100%.

I heard non-verbal comms is a problem? Will talk next time we meet.

If somebody is an Aspie, they might have trouble with nonverbal communication--"cues" and such, such as winks, rolling eyes, somebody rubbing his/her forehead, etc. Even if she's not, that's still a possibility.

I would be friendly, and nonconfrontational about it, though. I might give her a wink, and see how she reacts. If she asks "anything wrong with your eye?" it just might mean she doesn't get the "cue."

What are her special interests?

Excellent, thanks. Good way of telling. Her brother say Aspergers or something else so thought maybe she can through parents.

500+ year old history not of her country along with World of Warcraft.

LOL.....sounds pretty Aspie-like to me! Almost "classic," in a way. It still does not clinch the diagnosis, though.

I'm interested in 500 years of Russian history--quite interested in fact.

I know nothing about World of Warcraft--but that's something many people are interested in, apparently.

I think this is all about finding "common interests." And, just, liking each other's company

How does she react to romantic overtures--like holding hands and such?

I thought so. Very focused on that and talks forever. Plus other online strategy games. Occasionally talks too loudly in public about people nearby. Yes, along with Warhammer and Manga I believe - not her.

Common interests a little hard at present.

Reaction was ok but maybe a little slow.

There's absolutely nothing evil about not dating or wanting to date someone you're not fully comfortable with. All women and most men have been doing it since the beginning of time. It only seems "evil" to be OP because aspie men are usually on the receiving end of rejection. But if the OP's new interest is acting in ways that don't sit well with him, AS nonewithstanding, there's no reason for him to feel obligated to date her. The only obligation on his part is to be respectful to her.

And in the NT language, poor/inadequate responses in conversations are a way of showing lack of interest. Perhaps the lady in question adopted that communication style for herself, even if she's an aspie. So all this could be a non-issue.

Thank you, you have made me feel better!

Lack of interest yes but to everything: family, friends, work, past gf's.... Zero questions back like what you do today...

Will try and meet tomorrow and see.

Can relate. My current gf isn't even aspie though she has a lot of aspie-like traits imho that made me drawn to her in the first place.

She is very strong and independent and can go large amounts of time without seeing me. It's actually been 2 weeks and 3 days since I last saw her and because she rarely talks online I've only gotten one message back from her since I last saw her. Been dating for one month and only met up in real life four times.

She's been 'pre-occupied' with things at home, most likely her interests as she always talks about working on 'projects' (specifically writing/the arts related things and her video games).

I don't mind it but it does get a bit hard to feel like she's interested or not.

She seems to be, especially when I see her and she did respond back to me and imply meeting up again soon in the future, but still.

OP, how often is the gf interested in seeing you/how often do you actually see/talk to her?

I am sure a lot of people on the planet have different symptom of some degree.

That must be hard and annoying. I've seen independent bit before with another person (not relationship).

Seen per-occupied bit before, where certain items are important tho they are not.

Many messages a day but I am getting bored as 95% one sided and meeting is fine. Maybe twice a week but losing hope.