love feeling is too intense? relationship anxiety?

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I fell in love at just 11 (ugh, don't tell me I was too young to feel anything, it hit me like a brick wall.) and now quite a few years older, nothing has changed at all. This feeling is so strong that it is scary to me. We are best friends and have been since kids. We have tried a romantic relationship and we both know that it can't happen. My anxiety is so severe, that once when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I threw up. I would do anything for this boy and I think he is absolutely perfect (to me.) regardless of what others see. I have anxiety with other boys as well, just not as severe as with him, I am assuming because I don't really love them and don't necessarily care for how they feel about me. It feels like my heart is in my toes but yet it's beating so hard it also feels like I could choke on it in my throat at any minute. He has broken my heart many times but we have always managed to remain friends or find our way back to each other. I just don't know what to do, Love is supposed to be a nice feeling? When I think about him and think about all the things I love about him, it seems so reachable, but when I get the chance I'm too terrified to do or say anything. I can think about him all day long, but as soon as he hints at something, even if over text, I am flooded with anxiety. I have social anxiety in the first place, along with Aspergers Syndrome, btw.

supposedly, spending more time with him in gradually increasing periods should lessen the anxiety.

I would honestly think, but we've hung out almost every day since we were kids, to the point where my family was even tired of seeing him. And when we aren't around each other (not as much currently because he is in public school as I am homeschooled.) we are texting, or especially snapchatting constantly. I'm totally used to him, or I should be. I may just be terrified to lose him. But I mean.. It's been 4 years..

I know it's hard to believe, but the feelings will lessen in intensity, eventually.

When I was a teenager I had such intense feelings inside. I used it to motivate me to become a more well-rounded person. My first relationship had me doing somersaults in my head for three years straight. I look back and think of it as one life's steepest learning curves. You hear people say if I knew then what I know now... it's cliche, but it really is amazing how much your perceptions and feelings are still evolving. Right now, everything seems so immediate. A year seems to take forever. But in just a year or two you will have so much more insight than even right now. That's what is so important about the experiences you have now. They can help you become a better person if you stay attentive and try to learn from them.

Also, if you have a therapist, it would be worthwhile to discuss the anxiety there.

Good luck.

I think it would be great if you two stay friends, until you are both ready for romance. You're still very young.

I, personally, think that "childhood sweetheart" marriages tend to work really well.

I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious. But I would continue the friendship, and just tell him you're not ready for a love relationship yet--but you probably will be when you get older.

Mabye it would help to get therapy &/or medication for anxiety.

I really understand the intensity of your feelings. I've found therapy helpful, and time, and finding someone who doesn't activate my anxiety as much.

You want to hear something funny?

I had a crush on a girl named Abby when I was 16, and she was 14. I liked her so much, in my stupid state, that I got hit by a car while riding my bike, and ran to show off my wounds as if I was being macho or something.

It turned out that she had a "bad" reputation. I didn't care, though. I still liked her, and wanted a relationship with her. I felt like she was really innocent underneath. She didn't care for me, though.