What do romantic relationships entail?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm getting all curious about this from a theoretical perspective, just to be prepared and make sure I understand when / if I ever decide to go there again. I'm aware I've seriously misunderstood girlfriends of the past, and what our relationship was supposed to entail. And frankly I'm too old for this.
I've been reading elsewhere on asexuality issues, and someone made the comment that they were aromantic because they thought a relationship was just friends with sex added. Umm, so did I.
So what, exactly, is a romantic relationship about? If it is not just friends with sex added, then what is it? Love?
When someone says "romance" I think of the stereotypical overt romantic gestures - all flowers and cuddling and horrific pet names you'd never admit to. But then again, I know sexual couples who don't like all this fluffy romance stuff and don't practice it, but still identify their connection as a relationship. There's got to be more to it than that.
Opinions?

It is love beyond puppy love, and friendship beyond friendship.

Connection beyond connection, in a sense.

It's sharing your life with someone. It's not about the overly-romantic cheesy movie cr*p, it's about helping one another, caring, supporting, loving, etc.

It's about the mutual exchange of each other's wishes and desires, the mutual exchange of care and support to encourage mutual growth as individuals.

A friend you can have sex with is just friends-with-benefits.

Have you felt love yourself, sir/miss?

Because your post indicates to me you might not have felt the feeling of 'crushes' or 'loves' but only physical attraction for you to believe a romantic relationship is simply friends having sex.

Do you think or know you're aromantic or questioning that you are?

It's about discovering and fulfilling each others emotional, situational and physical needs. Everyone is different. If your woman likes flowers, cuddling and pet names, then that's what it means. If it's hanging out, playing video games and banging, then it's that.

It's all about compatibility and being open to discovery. There is no answer to that. Find someone you are on the same page with. Talk. Try to connect. That;s what it's about. It sounds cliche but the right person things just sort of become effortless.

Now after years of being together it requires constant tweaking and rediscovery.

I've been married three years and I think I can simplify this.

Love is thinking about someone else's needs before your own.

There. That pretty much sums up the crux of it.

I knew about wooing and courting. That is different than love, and was challenging in it's own way, but it was also in some ways the easy part.

For me, the real challenge was after marriage and moving in together. I still think of myself first some of the time, sure, but not nearly as much as I used to. Also, I think popular books and movies have betrayed us in a sense. Love is not always glamorous. It is often very hard work. Love is not star-crossed, at first sight, struck by cupid's arrow. It is a choice, a constant choice that we make every day we spend with that person.

I said I find it is a lot of hard work, but I still choose it because I think I am better off for having this other person in my life. I think I am a better person for it.

Ah, dang it!

A good test of a relationship is traveling to somewhere new--can you work as a team to iron out those inevitable issues that arise?

"Romance is referred to as the actions or gestures in the context of a relationship, which are done and seen as expressions of the feelings of a person towards another."

"Romance may reinforce and perpetuate both the relationship and bond between two people."

"Romance can lead to both individuals falling in love with each other, while it can also lead to an end of the romantic relationship with the option of friendship."

"Romance and love can be intertwined, and it is possible that one can be present without the other."

I have heard that term before, in relation to relationships - sharing your life with someone. I like the idea of that. But what is the difference between that and companionship? Is it just a deeper connection in some way? If so, how?
You'd be amazed the amount of normal, neurotypical people I have asked about the definitions of what all this means, even those who are in relationships (sometimes several at once) and they can't answer. Love? What is a relationship? How is it different from a friendship? What about "f*ck buddies"?
They don't know. It's nuts. This is apparently one of the most common situations in human relations and they can't tell me what it is.

It's highly doubtful. Which is likely not what girlfriends past, or indeed the two boyfriends I disastrously tried it on with, would like to hear. I don't even feel physical attraction in a real time sense, just a fantasy one. I had sex with women because that's what they wanted, not because I was particularly interested, even though I know I can respond to women theoretically. I assume I have never let anyone close enough to be considered in this relationship sense, because I don't understand how to achieve intimacy. Maybe that's what a relationship requires? Emotional intimacy? If so, I'm screwed.
I used to identify as asexual through my teens and early twenties, but later was able to connect sexual attraction to women and therefore assumed I couldn't be asexual. As per usual, I don't seem to fit definitions for anything.

Would you not do that for friends, though? Especially the so called friends with benefits? What is it that makes it different with a significant other?

Hmm, this must be to a more significant degree than I'm understanding, because this edges into dry ethics of respect and consideration of others for me. I'm careful not to do anything that would inconvenience or disturb other people, even if it is something I need to do. I'm sure that is not because I love, or even like them, but that is just my ethical view. Put others before yourself, and usually, I do to varying degrees.

That's simple. A romantic relationship is something that started with a crush. A friendship is something that didn't start with a crush. Sex has nothing to do with it. Sex is a bonding mechanism for sexual people, while obsessing about your crush is the bonding mechanism for non-sexual people.

Relationships are not about love, they are about sacrifice and resource exchange, the man gives up resources in order to gain access to sex, and the woman gives up sex in order to have access to his resources, this is the reason why nature imposed all of the muscles on the male, so that he might prove his merit to the woman. A woman's purpose biologically is to weed out inferior males for the ones with merit, which is why you see them congregate wherever there is power and pomp.

Relationships are not about love, if they were you'd be loved despite your merit, but this will never occur, and most men know that women cannot love men as men love women. Men can love women without any merit, but the opposite is not true. For relationships to be about love, it must become a two-way street, but because it is the man who unconditionally loves the woman, and the woman who conditionally loves the man, the affection is corrupted and the man becomes 'used' (as nature intended it).

You can still have romance, but it will have the above restriction imposed on it, that is, the love isn't real, it's merely an illusion as reinforced by sex, which points to the real thing -- all of it -- is fostered for the benefit of posterity, to ensure another generation is born, so that the species might survive.

This will no doubtly upset people, but love is in the metaphysical realm, and being that we're in a physical world, you're not going to find it here... It is the secret that eludes most humans, who spend their entire lives thinking that physical affection, because it feels so good, must be what love is, but it's not. Love being eternal, does not belong in our temporal world, and that is a good thing because what we have here on this planet will die with our bodies.

I think with companionship you share your life with someone to a lesser extent, also its not as intimate...friends/aquantinces usually don't shower, cuddle, make out, or have sex with each other typically.

In which species in nature does this occur?

Some examples:
Many animals - sex is for reproduction, and there is no resource exchange, no bonding occurs
Some primates - sex has a bonding function, but it's unrelated to resource exchange

The only sub-species where this is even close, is in neurotypical humans. However, even there, bonding with sex is separate from resource exchange. Men want power and resources in order to attract women, and women might even leave them if they loose in "rank", but this is unrelated to bonding. It's a pre-requisite for even being regarded as interesting and having sex with.



They certainly can. I've seen it several times, so I can assure you it is true. Women can love men without any "merit" (if you by merit mean resources or rank).



Seems odd. I thought it was typically the other way around with women being used for sex.

There is no free lunch in nature, when a female gives sex to a male she does so in hopes of his protection, when his resources is not money, its his body which the female needs to protect herself and her children. Everything in nature comes at a cost, humans are no exception.

Territorial species yield to a powerful powerful male, which is charge of defending the territory, this reliance led to greater and greater sexual dimorphism until you have in humans what you have today, males which have much more muscle mass than women, because the women selected for dominant males, the males become strong and stronger.

Our bodies tell the entire story, otherwise you would see the perfect egalitarianism of love between the species, if women loved men plainly, then they would not have selected for stronger and yet stronger males.

You see the illusion, but you don't see the truth, sex/the body has a tendency of putting up a very convincing display, but it's only a superficial layer. This layer has been honed and perfected to an artform in order to motivate the species to exist, because once you see the truth, men will lose their desire to perform their mating rituals and displays (which is the rat race of life), and the species comes to a standstill.

, the epitome of thinking and reading far too much into things. Relationships and breeding is not limited to 'dominant' males with muscle mass to show off, a lot of women are even turned off by bulky muscle mass. You type this like some factual essay but its clearly a analysis biased by inferiority complex...Also I think this thread is meant as what things people desire in relationships not the most negative interpretation possible of the science behind them but I could be mistaking.

Funny mine started with a mutual interest in each other, we entirely skipped the crush phase....and yeah its not just a friendship lol.

Not so. ND females do not value male protection. It's the other way around. ND males select ND females that are caring and protective of them.



Not so either. There is no huge sexual dimorphism in humans.



ND females don't. Ask them, and you will get the answer that they mostly don't care.



How do asexual males fit into your picture of "sex is everything"?