How to show interest so I don't get yelled at?

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Elensar
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06 Jun 2016, 12:55 am

So I went on a date, and afterward I got a message saying I didn't seem interested in her. She called my immature for not showing interest in her, not taking time to get to know her and not being serious about relationships. I went through the date thinking everything was ok, I enjoyed the time with her. So maybe I was more passive than I should have been. But I don't think it was totally my fault. Could have something to do with my Asperger's.

What could I do differently? Do I need to fake interest or something till I make it? I've had trouble thinking of questions to ask girls before.



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06 Jun 2016, 2:36 am

Here are some hints with questions/knowledge/etc.:

⇒ Her intended future-career if any
⇒ Number of siblings
⇒ Favourite Food(s)
⇒ Favourite Drink(s)
⇒ What work she does now
⇒ Classes she might be taking
⇒ Subjects/Topics that interest her
⇒ How long she has lived at her current residence
⇒ Earliest memories
⇒ Any other languages she speaks/studies
⇒ Martial Arts Experience
⇒ Other cities/countries where she may have lived
⇒ Where she might want to move to or live in the future
⇒ How close she is to her family/relatives
⇒ Whether she prefers to communicate via phone or through on-line means or in-person
⇒ How much she likes her work or classes or current life-situation etc
⇒ Say that it sounds like she could use a massage she indicates anything that sounds stressful
   (This is where you have a potential opening to start giving her a full-body massage)

...just to name a few of the question-related side of things.
Physically, you reach for her hand as you're walking together, and for the record...
...when ladies tell you that "it's ...kind of complicated..."
...that basically means that she won't put up much effort to resist your advances.

I am aware that we Aspies tend to think that a woman resisting means we're unwanted.
Actually, the reality is that, she is trying to avoid letting you think that she is easy to get.
Open your arms towards her at some point like it's an invitation for her to hug you.
Also, her reaction is to be expected, and that is largely due to your inexperience.

I have given you plenty of hints to get started so go out there and get more experience.

Elensar wrote:
So I went on a date, and afterward I got a message saying I didn't seem interested in her. She called my immature for not showing interest in her, not taking time to get to know her and not being serious about relationships. I went through the date thinking everything was ok, I enjoyed the time with her. So maybe I was more passive than I should have been. But I don't think it was totally my fault. Could have something to do with my Asperger's.

What could I do differently? Do I need to fake interest or something till I make it? I've had trouble thinking of questions to ask girls before.


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kraftiekortie
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06 Jun 2016, 2:00 pm

She sounds very domineering and demanding.

I would seek to see somebody else.

It seems as if she wants to "control" you.

Are you actually "interested" in her?

If you are, then I might write an email stating my interest, and stating that you sometimes have trouble expressing it.

But I still feel this person is somewhat arrogant, at least.



yourkiddingme3
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06 Jun 2016, 2:31 pm

To meet neurotypical expectations of expression of interest or support, I find it necessary to articulate positive sentiments at least one degree higher than what I feel. FREX, if someone says something reasonably intelligent, I call it smart. If smart, I call it very smart. If someone has done an adequate job, I call it good. If better than average, I call it very good.

This seems to work, except for subcultures that expect even more effusive compliments, like the theater community. :)



Raleigh
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06 Jun 2016, 4:00 pm

Maybe you were a little reserved, but IMO immature behaviour is texting someone to tell them everything they did was wrong.
She sounds like a drama queen.
And she's not taking the time to get to know you if that's her attitude.
Perhaps you could look for someone a little less self-centred.


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slenkar
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06 Jun 2016, 4:14 pm

Krafty knows what he is talking about, she is calling you a name 'immature' but really it was just a lack of chemistry or you just not knowing what to do.
She jumped to the conclusion of immaturity and gave you that label, a nice reasonable person would ask you why you were acting like that or simply not answer your texts,or just give the reason that you didn't seem interested.

Long story short, you dodged a bullet.



nick007
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06 Jun 2016, 7:43 pm

Some people are just shy when meeting others or are genially quiet people even with people they know well. I fit both those things. That doesn't make us immature thou. I also do better with someone who's more on my level & is OK with me being quiet & it's possible you would do better with someone like that too. That women sounds like a b!tch. It's one thing to think someone isn't showing you enough interest but it's another thing to put the person down for it & call them immature. She could of easily said how she wasn't interested in you or didn't think you were interested in her without being a b!tch about it.


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Bridgette77
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11 Jun 2016, 10:39 am

Here's my honest opinion, coming from an NT. This girl is the one who sounds immature. First off, she sounds like she lacks the patience it takes to get to know you, which is a bad sign to begin with. Secondly, to call you immature was quite harsh, I think! I wouldn't waste my time with this one, personally, given her lack of patience, and she does seem to be a drama queen.