Does she like me or just being friendly?

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Over the last few months most of my social conversations at work have been with this one girl. She's charming, pretty and the supervisor of a neighboring department. Her desk is a few feet away from mine. We often chat over lunch or during work.

When she first got the job, she wanted to go to the supermarket with me, then she wanted to take me to her church. I didn't want to go anywhere at the time because back then I was still involved with a certain corpulent Chinese girl. She was asking about the other guys, asking them about each other, it seemed like she was trying to suss out the guys. She asked which ones of them were Christian, maybe she only wants to date Christians.

She knows I'm not one but she's still very friendly with me. It could mean she doesn't mind me not being Christian or it could mean she has this ideal that every atheist is only one step away from becoming a God-fearing Christian, if only someone would just tell them about Jesus (odd how she asked me if I'd heard of Jesus, of course I've heard of him, everyone has).

Anyway, I don't want to get into arguments about religion because I don't want to become the stereotypical militant atheist. My philosophy is live and let live.

By a strange coincidence we share the same birthday. In the last few weeks she's been especially friendly to me. Sometimes if she takes an early lunch she asks if I want to join her. Or sometimes when we all go to a restaurant for a work-social she'll request that I sit with her. Is this just her being friendly or does it mean that she likes me?

I heard some rumours that she has a boyfriend but I haven't been able to substantiate them. Maybe she thinks I don't like her, if I'm cold towards her it's because I'm shy towards girls I like. Maybe she thinks I'm not her type. One of the guys spread a rumour that I only like 25 year olds who weigh less than 100 pounds (just because I told him about this other girl I was trying to pick up, who matches that description).

After my gossipy co-worker mentioned this over lunch, she said she was on a diet. To impress me? I didn't think she was that fat begin with but she says she's "fat for an Asian girl". Sure that other girl looked nice but I think different girls are pretty in different ways. They don't all have to be the same.

I guess one lesson from this is that office gossip can sometimes be inaccurate, exaggerated or outdated. How can I find out if she really has a boyfriend (it wouldn't surprise me if she did because she's quite pretty). How can I let her know I like her without things becoming super awkward between us?

I know people say it's good to maintain plausible deniability but sometimes that kind of ambiguity can cause awkward misunderstandings (like the time I asked a girl at work out for coffee and she didn't realize it was meant to be a date).

Should I take things slower, or does that just waste years of my life and increase the chances she'll find a boyfriend (if she doesn't already have one). Since we sit close to each other at work, it seems like a delicate situation. My supervisor would think it was cute if I dated her colleague but I cringe at what our manager would think (he always does things by the book).

What, if anything should I do?

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 09 Jan 2016, 7:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Be friendly, maybe invite her and some other coworkers out for a post-work bite or drink. See what happens.

That's not a bad idea but it's already common for us as a group to go for a bite during or after work.

Although, on Friday she was telling about this take-away she likes. She was saying I should try it. Maybe I can persuade her to go there with me for lunch. The trouble is, she usually brings her own lunch.

Ask her the day before if she would like to go to this new place for lunch with you and say it will be your treat.

Maybe. She won't think it's creepy if I treat her?

Why don't you say, "Hey, I'm interested in trying that place you told me about, but I'd rather not go by myself. Do you want to join me?" That doesn't sound like your treat, IMO. It sounds more casual than a date, to me, but it would also give you two the opportunity for a longer private conversation. OR, if she doesn't want to eat lunch with just you, she could easily say something like, "that sounds like a good idea. How about we ask so-and-so to join us as well?"

That's a good idea. I think she may go with me based on that. The trouble is, if it sounds too casual, she may think I'm just being friendly. She might think it's not a date.

Somehow I want to go from being friends to being in a relationship but I don't know how to make that transition.

Maybe initiating some casual outings outside of work before a real date would be good? I dunno, I'm more clueless than anyone. Hopefully she isn't just sending you mixed signals trying to evangelize you and the office.

If she doesn't suggest bringing someone else along, then she wants to go with just you...
I don't think you need to get too concerned about the lines between friendship and dating *right now.* It doesn't sound like you two are super-close just yet. Take it as it comes. Two people hanging out alone. Hopefully the experience is enjoyed by both of you and you want to spend more time together. Then more, then more. *That* is when you can think about "are we just friends or is this a romantic relationship", if one of you doesn't spontaneously kiss the other before that conversation.