Finding someone when you're shy?

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How have some of the more shy people here met their girlfriends/boyfriends before? I really have a problem with social anxiety and feel really hopeless about weather I'll ever be able to find someone. I have a really bad mental block to going out and socializing, but at the same time it kills me that I don't know anyone and have no opportunities to find a girlfriend.

Aside from the obvious "you just need to go you more" what is helpful for getting over being so shy that you always avoid people?

this comment might be too autistic but bare with me. this is something that helped me. im pretty shy myself.
letting her know i like her. smiling, talking about her, showing her attention, hanging out when i can, and so on. none of that works! if you like a NT girl you have to make it clear and obvious. instead of pushing the loving vibe sometimes you have to push truth and just have to come out and straight up say it. when you do the girl you were dropping hints to the whole time might say oh i had no idea. they think some guys are just 'nice guys' they arent they like them, just mostly nice guys dont get the girl. even if they know, if you dont put them on the spot and talk about it, they might not see you as the type of guy that goes after what he wants. i say just tell her how you feel, even if you dont know her. its a much more risky move but if she does not like you than it will save you from wasting alot of time anyway.

I've never gone out to find someone. There have been women I've met and known and got on well with with whom I would have liked to see if there was something more, but I've never made any sort of move. I don't think I could.

When I was 17, back in '97, I put a small personal ad in the back of a monthly music magazine (the magazine is long out of circulation, but featured these ads every issue), and responded to some. I had some really nice penpals, something that drifted between hang-outs and dates, as well as my first relationship. Phone dating a year later - as in, recording an ad and swapping recorded messages (and then phone numbers) - got me a few dates, and Mrs Hopper. When she and I separated for a while, internet dating - Plenty of Fish and OKCupid - got me some dates and a short relationship. I am neither a looker nor a man of means. My personality is as you see in my post history.

Without these means, I would have relied upon someone taking an interest in me and pretty clearly saying so. And as I'm generally shy and quiet and oblivious and don't like social stuff, that would have been very unlikely.

Being able to think through what I'm saying, to take the time to express myself more clearly (rather than freeze up), meant I could break the ice with more confidence, and was a lot more at ease when it came to meeting up.

Realize that being shy is ridiculous. That life in general is ridiculous. It's not like other people bite...most of the time .

I met one ex-girlfriend in school. We knew some of the same people who'd meet in the hallways between classes for a little while. I think for shy people it helps to find a place where you can get to know people slowly, so you don't have to jump in headfirst and be so stressed out.

I met all 3 of my girlfriends on online forums. I met my 2nd & current on this forum.

Unfortunately I have never been to that point where I actually got into a relationship.
(Except for 2nd grade but the girl just asked me if I wanted to marry her and I said yes and we were in a relationship according to the teacher lol)

I'm a shy person myself, I have been trying my best to become less shy for 4 years now which is going pretty great since no one ever wonders if I'm shy or just don't ask about it anymore and are sometimes even surprised when I tell them.
But it's still hard for me to start a conversation with strangers and acquaintances in general and girls if I like them.

But the last few times that I got a crush on girls I was still able to ask them out or to be my girlfriend (Both said no unfortunately) And one time my friend just told the girl that I liked her (I was okay with it of course) but I never got further than accidentally saying hi to her the next day. (I randomly walked in on her and it just happened lolol)

I realize that I'm slowly getting off-topic and just talk about my love life oops
Anyways, the trick for me was to write a script in my head with things I could say to the girl and possible responses that I could receive. I was still too nervous to ask her out and I waited until the last day before of the pre-premiere of the film I wanted to take her to until I finally asked her out, I remember how my friends gave me a motivational speech during the lunch break and I was really nervous and didn't know how and when I should approach her about it since the girl was from the 8th grade while I was in 10th grade. She always said hi to me because she saw me on television.
I checked her timetable and my school day finished earlier than hers so I waited outside the gym room for her to walk out, I was really nervous and I was too scared and thinking about giving up and going alone until she finally walked out of the door and I decided to walk to her and ask her if she wanted to go.

You know what the coolest thing was? I wasn't nervous anymore! I was totally calm and even though I didn't know what to say at some point the conversation was still going great.
Unfortunately it was a windy day and a booger came out of my nose and the first thing that I could think of was to cover it up with my bottom lip. Yes, my bottom lip.

Another thing, don't walk to the girl and ask her out if she's with a group of friends because that was the case in this situation and they kept interrupting the conversation and at some point another group came because they were wondering what was going on and I'm pretty sure that she felt a bit uncomfortable for the rest of the day because of me
At first she said that she wasn't sure if she had time and that she had to ask about it and think about it, I said that I was already done with school for that day and asked for her phone number and email address but at that point she remembered that she already had plans

TL;DR, if you want to ask a girl out;
- Try to write some kind of script in your head so you know what to say and think of possible responses that you could expect and also think of things you could respond with to those responses and so on.
- Don't wait too long
- Ask her out in a way that she doesn't feel pressured or uncomfortable
- It's okay if you're nervous, it happens to anyone

I'm so shy that I even considered not joining this forum, but I did, and I've met my special someone here! I'm not nervous at all around him!
Never give up hope!

Shyness can be such a barrier at times, but don't feel horrible about it. If you get into a relationship, then good. If you don't, then it is still okay. It is getting harder and harder to find a meaningful relationship each year. :\

Trying to meet people online sort of makes sense, and is definitely something I'm open to, though I have some mixed feelings about it. My biggest reservations about online/long distance relationships are not knowing if you really know the other person and can trust them, and also I don't know how hard it would be to make my family accept me being in that kind of relationship if I decided to tell them. On the flip side though it's probably a much easier way to meet aspie girls and you're not limited geographically, and takes a lot less pushing through anxiety.

I forget to say this in my original post, but I don't have any real socialization irl, I am an online college student and don't have a job, sooo that makes things sort of hard as far as meeting girls go. And I don't want to get a throwaway job either, for a few reasons. I think volunteering or interning might be good though.

I was going to make a post here complaining, but I read your post again and it really helped me stop feeling so bad. Shyness is a barrier, but it's not the end of the world, and it's not like if I wasn't shy I'd somehow magically find the perfect relationship anyway. Though, being a little less shy would help...


On a side note I wonder if it's appropriate to use "shy" and "social anxiety" interchangeably? Because I'm really more of a social anxiety affected person rather that shy I think.

*sees typos in 1st post and cringes a little* stupid edit lockout

Either stop being shy or just give up on finding someone.

"Stop being shy" is as effective against shyness as "Cheer up" is against depression.

Agreed

I'm shy. Believe me, I know you can't just stop being shy. It was a fake choice.

I'm sure people think I'm shy, but I'm really not. Shy implies a fear. A fear of interacting, a fear of rejection, something like that. I generally don't interact with people I don't know. It's not because I'm afraid of it or anything like that, but rather, I just don't like it. For me, small talk with a stranger is one of the most unpleasant things there is. This person is a stranger. I have no relationship with them. Why do I care about anything they say at this point? If a person is a stranger, why do I care where they work? Why would I want to spend time and energy asking them a question like that in small talk when the answer they provide will generally have no value in and of itself? Generally, with strangers, you don't know anything about them so you don't know what they're interested in. You don't know if you have any common interests so there's nothing relevant to talk about therefore there's no point in talking to them. I know that's messed up, but that's the way my damn brain works.

The other area people might assume I'm shy is my lack of ability to make eye contact. I know this is a general aspie trait so I assume other's here have this problem. If I see a woman I find attractive and I'm looking at her and she looks at me, I instantly look away. It's not because I'm shy or afraid it's just that it seems so inappropriate. It's like I feel like I'm somehow violating her . . . . something. I don't even know. Making and maintaining eye contact seems as much of a violation as if I walked up to her and grabbed her breasts.

I'm not good at eye contact either. I mostly stare at people's chins so that they at least think I'm looking at them.