flirted for the first time

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Today I did something I have never done before: I consciously flirted with a girl. A pretty French girl was cutting my hair, and I decided to make an effort to flirt with her even though I did not plan on it beforehand. I took to heart some of the guides I have read on this site (by DataSage et al), and practiced the techniques. Normally I would simply sit there like a sack of potatoes and not say anything. In fact, the last time I got my hair cut, I think I closed my eyes and stopped speaking until it was over.

I made eye contact, smiled, participated in chit-chat, kept the conversation going, made her laugh, and didn't take it personally whether she liked me or not. These things would seem blindingly obvious to an NT, but I really had to work at it. One of the benefits that computer nerds have is that we are good at processing algorithms. If you consciously tackle the problem with a known set of procedures, you will get an expected result. But it takes work. Other rational aspects of my life may come naturally to me, but flirting is something that I will have to consciously work at.

It felt really good. It didn't lead to a phone number exchange or a date, but to me, it was revolutionary. Afterwards, I smiled all the way to my car. I can only hope that this is the start of a long process of opening up to other people and improving my life. What I realized during the experience is that there is hope for me!

For a little over a year I've been a driver for Pizza Hut and it's amazing what 20 2 minute conversations a day can do for self-image, confidence and just a good small talk skill set. especially when you know the person probably is never gonna remember you. you screw up owell your slates clean in a day because they've forgotten about it. I urge everybody to try to make these 2 minutes conversations whenever you can. cashiers and stylists and such are great for this cause they have to be friendly with you and the situation forces itself. you don't have to make an approach. Just remember these conversations aren't to get numbers or impress people, they're to practice relaxing in conversation.

Wow, this is actually a useful thread that offers advice.

Yea i know.....It's crazy talk!

!Let the party begIINNNNNNNNNNNN!! !!


congrats man!!

heh. Got so into my post I forgot to say congrats man!

I can't flirt... I'm sure I'm physically incapable of doing it. Someone once said I was the only person they knew who never flirted with anyone, but I'm sure that can't be true.

Don't get me wrong. I'm by far not a social expert or anything but i believe most people don't think they can flirt because they don't really understand what flirting is. You break flirting down into steps and it's not that bad. Start with a simple compliment.

You look cute in your avatar (very true too)

There. Thats it. I just flirted. just remember it's a harmless compliment and this shouldn't be too hard for Aspies. We're already blunt. Get more confident with throwing one good compliment out there (takes practice) and you can start stringing them together. This is where it's hard for us because we're not that great at telling if there flirting back. Just remember there are plenty of NT's out there that are horrible at it too. The trick for me is don't try to read there expressions. stick to what were good at. listen to there words. are they returning the compliment. are they avoiding conversation with short sentences or opening up with longer ones?

I'm pretty sure I'm rambling now but you get the point. Start simple.

I've heard that I sometime flirt, although I never know when I am doing it.

I would not engage in flirting...Blech. If something happens, it happens.

I adore flirting. But, I seem to only do it with safe choices - either those that I KNOW are already available to me, or those that I have absolutely no interest in. I see it as a form of sexualized word play, and I love any word games like this.

You do realize, 'flirting' can mean anything from idle chatter all the way up to talk w/sexual connotations? By your logic, you wouldn't be talking to women at all.

I'm in too foul a mood to come up with a witty response to that. Feck off and check a dictionary before you make a contribution like that next time. I talk far more easily with women than men, but never flirting.

–verb (used without object)
To court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.