Mixed Feelings

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Yestersday,at school,I was happy,well,not happy,but O.K.
I listened to a person here on WP and I brought a book to read on recess,and
instead of frying myself inside my classroom I sat on a bench.It's not so bad.
I know this won't last forever...it's just a phase.
It hurts though.When I hear people making fun of me.
I heard 2 girls fakeing they were crying and they laughed and said something like:
"Well,it's the truth,she gets in people's way" I couldn't hear what else they were
saying because a fellow aspie was talking to me.Well,I think he's an aspie.
He talked about the same subject over and over again:My Harry Potter book.Then he talked about
how crappy our school was and I got interested then.I told him that I hated how people
who didn't accept different people and bla bla bla...I would be his girlfriend if I were attracted to him...LOL ...Most people think he's wierd,I think.Including me,but,Im wierd too...
Those girls who made fun of me will probably become prostitutes,while I become
a professional and will make loads of money.The richest people are usually
"rejects" like "nerds","geeks","freaks"...SO HA!! !

Attraction...hmmm...

I'll be honest.My heart is divided into three.I feel VERY attracted to three people...
I have to be honest.I still feel attracted to Mr.Chicken poop,even if he's taken.
I like Patty even if he's taken,too.And I feel attracted to someone who I think is single,but im not sure.I knew him since 4th grade,he is very attractive and all the girls in my other school love him.He's very sweet too.I still take the bus from my other school,and
so,I get to see my other school,obiouslyI was told that everyone in there was talking about how pretty I became and that I used to be so horrible.
I used to look like this:



Except without the deformed ears and nose and tacky earings and clothes and glasses.
Basiclly just the awful hair and braces.
After I left that school I went to a beauty salon and got my hair done,and my face cleaned
and I got my braces taken off,too.It was like an extreme makeover.

I felt strongly attracted to him for 3 years,so I know I love him the most.
And I saw him today and he looked really hot.His hair changed...*drools*
He saw me looking at him...We just stared at each other for a while and
then I looked somewhere else because I got embarresed.
He doesn't know about my aspergers.He tried to confess to me once,
but at the moment I was in 5th grade and I didn't know much about love and stuff and
I got shy and ran away.He stood right next to me,really close, and put his arm around me and I blew it!! !! !! !!
Then I heard him say:"Marcela's too shy..."

I was kind of pretty in 5th,then I became crappy
and pretty and the circle went on.
WHY????????! !! !! !!

Changing the subject,

Im at home,but only with my Dad.He's NOT okay.
My mom left with my sister,to my aunts house again.My dad is refusing to take his pills.
My mom came home to leave some food she got and then he randomly
yelled at her and said that he wanted a divorce...He's crazy.
My mom left immedietly.
I thought that everything was fine...If they divorce im staying with my mom.
I hope it doesn't happen.But,like my counseler told me:some things are just out of control,you
just have to control your emotions,stress,and accept things the way they are.
I'll try to.

I have dreams,too...

I dream of marrying someone really hot,maybe having black hair and green eyes
or a red head or a blondie or an albino LOL,whatever,as long as he's hot...
And my husband is sensible and a crybaby and loves me only.LOLZ
I know it sounds ridiculous but that's what I dream of... LOL
I dream of traveling around the world around with him and being really rich.
I want to study architecture because that will help me make loads of $$$! !! !
I want to adopt a chinese girl,a japanese girl,have 2 children of my own,
and an albino asian girl,LOL and I want to join an aspie group too,and
go to aspie conventions and talk about problems and stuff in life...
Oh yeah,I want dogs too.And a parrot,those white ones...LOL!

It may seem unsensible to zone-out when I have problems at home,
but,I just don't care anymore.Everything happens for a reason.
I won't care about what happens at school either.Everything happens for a reason.
I'll just let my life be the way it is.I give up.I won't care about those b*****s,either.
I'll just let my life go on.Let destiny be.I don't give a crap anymore.
Dreaming about stuff helps me forget.Life is life and I can't do anything about it.

I probably won't get replies right away,because it's too early,but i'll check when I come back from school...

Your school seems horrible...

It's not so bad,as a private school in C.R,because public schools here are s**t.
But if you compare it to a school in America,my school is really,really,sh***y.

Ahh. The school I went to was bad. NT freaks everywhere!

Don't give up, as you said, everything happens for a reason. You have to remain faithful that one day, you will get at least some of your wishes granted. It will all turn out some day.

i remember one day in 5th grade... our class was lining up to leave the classroom and go somewhere.

i was at the end of the line... and the boy right in front of me turned and told me that if i ever lost the zits, braces, and glasses... that boys MIGHT consider going out with me... he then turned and kept following the class and didn't speak to me again.

he later tried to ask me out in highschool... but that's another story.

people are just arsholes.

i think you look nice.... braces will go away... expensive haircuts (and all women's haricuts are!) will come later... your glasses aren't that sheek (and i say that with all the support of someone who also had to wear honking glasses early on!) but you'll get to pick out better ones soon and or get contacts... and you don't even have 1 pimple! i had pimples since 1st grade!

try to keep positive and just have fun doing things you enjoy! people change and so will you.

WTF????! !! !!THAT'S NOT ME!! !! ! THAT'S BETTY LA FEA!! !! !! !
YOU KNOW THAT COLOMBIAN TELENOVELA!! !! !????! !! !!

This is me:

Heh, you look cool Wormy. ^.^

Why did she have to take the pic right when I was leaving the bathroom?!
Just so you people know,I was straightening my hair,not using the bathroom before my sister took that picture of me...

Wormy, read the PM I sent you. ^^

Wormy, hi.

You are very pretty, so don't worry about that. As others said, you can always learn additional "tricks" to maximize the already lovely looks you have.
I know I sure did. Definitely started looking much prettier in my late teens and early 20s than before. Besides, a good atittude and a good soul within ALWAYS tip the balance in one's favor.

Re life: It's tough. Sounds like you've got plenty on your plate -- a difficult parental scene. Sorry.

Keep trying, though. Never give up. Work toward those goals you have, and you will achieve many if not all of them. It CAN be done.

Life is never a cake walk, but as you get older, you do gain more control over your everyday existence. So, keep plugging away. It's gonna get better.

DD