The boot the crushes me

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That's part of how I feel about my ex. We broke up, things happened, I forgave and forgot, gave another chance. But, the truth about the past came out... I'd been cheated on more that 10 times. With one of her exes, with one of her housemates, with random people, with groups of people... I could go on. It hurts a lot. I'm not angry... because I promised I wouldn't be, and because it's hard to fault someone you care for that much, whatever they do. I find I blame myself all the time. I tried to keep on making it work... but couldn't. Everything hurt, and everything reminded me of it. Am I a bad person for asking her to get out of my life, after I said I'd forgive her for anything? I don't know if I made the right decision. My judgement is clouded. I miss her already, but at the same time everything I see or do reminds me how much she hurt me. It's all... crappy.

You are not a bad person for asking her to get out of her life. She betrayed you, and nothing, in my mind, excuses that...maybe once, yes...that can be overcome, but to do it so many times? Ack, sorry, I want to slap her. Could you ever have any sort of a relationship with someone you now know you cannot trust? You would always be wondering where she was, or who she was with when she wasn't with you... isn't worth it, you deserve much better, no matter how much you love her.

there's some people you have to cut out of your life, preferably with a blow torch. this sounds like one of them. she'll probably be back, this type tends to return like a vampire to it's victim. good luck in keeping her out.

forgiving and playing on as if nothing happened are two different things.
you can forgive her, maybe she values it (and maybe not) and it helps her. but if it is too painful to be with her, no one can blame you for what you did.

when my girlfriend broke up with me (and i still hold her in high regards for being so un-nt-like on that topic), she was open and honest to me. she didnt cheat on me, didnt try to play two things at the sme time, to see which one was better, she openly told me that she needs to decide between me and a friend of her.
as i wrote, i still hold her in high regard, and i still like her a lot - and you cant just wipe out being happy and so close to someone from one moment to the next. but seeing her and hearing her voice still hurts me too much. thats why we agreed to hold contact via e-mail only for the time being.

and that was without being cheated and betrayed, without enough reason not to trust her one bit - and frankly, what your ex did is enough reason to hate someone for. i see why you dont, though. i wouldnt either.



on a more lighthearted note, when i first glanced over the thread list, i misread the thread title as "the boob that crushes me" sorry for that. i hope my stupidity at least made a small chuckle escape you.

well, having been in a similar position helps. i just hope that the reasons she gave you make it easier for you.

i met my ex at a club, we talked a bit and when we left, i hugged her - shouldnt have done that. even after more than half a year, the feeling of the shape of her back brought back memories that i was happy i stopped thinking of every minute.

oh, i forgot yesterday to post what i actually wanted to post. something constructive:
try to start something new. preferably something you thought about for a while. when we broke up, i noticed that i have too much time and energy left over, and that only harm can come from storing it up for some moment to explode. so i started working out. pushups, pullups, situps - usually during the commercial breaks of movies. i took the whole thing further by going to a gym regularly and training muay thai (something that had me itching for years on end but took that "i dont care about anything"-mindset to get me started).
long story short: it is indeed hard to be in the blues 24/7 when you feel better in your body than ever before. still, the downs come, and they will hurt, and they will most likely be haunting you... but having some ups to counter them, even just to have some un-down moments, is worth its weight in gold.

if physical exercise doesnt float your boat (a good side effect of it is that you fall into your bed too tired to do anything), maybe there is something that has such an effect on your mind, a special drive of you, whatever. just keep doing you some good. it keeps you doing something (even the dumbest purpose is better than no purpose, now) and it makes you get something good done to you (which you sure are in dire need of).