Should I tell people I'm autistic?

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I've pretty much given up the idea of meeting a girl and falling in love with her in person. I'm antisocial, and there don't seem to be any local clubs or groups for hobbies like mine. The idea of going to a bar and hitting on somebody is, honestly, laughable to me. That means online dating is the only option I have left, but that's not going so well either. I've found plenty of women on there that share hobbies and interests with me, but when we strike up a conversation they always, always stop replying within a couple of hours, and I can't figure out why. I might not be the world's greatest conversationalist, but I always try to keep the discussions on things I know we're both interested in, like books, writing, music, or games. The best I can come up with is that since I have Asperger's, my awkwardness is turning them off without my even realizing it. So, what I'm wondering is, would it be a good idea to tell them that up front in my bio? Like, "First thing you should know is that I have Asperger's, and that makes me awkward but I'm still affectionate and," blah blah blah. It would let them know up front that I'm not Mr. Perfect so they won't be caught off guard when I do or say something weird, but on the other hand it could turn them off even faster since they don't want to waste their time with an autistic weirdo. What do you think?

Go for it. If it doesn't work, you can always delete the profile and make a new one.

I would tell them about it yes. Filter out the people who have prejudice against it at least.

Secondly, music, games and books are all the things generally have clubs or associations of some sort.

I personally found my best fit on an online forum much like this one, and I'm happy for it. I got to see his values, thoughts, opinions, etc before even knowing his hobbies and interests, which is important to me. I wasn't out looking for love, but people who strike you as interesting here on wp for instance, might be a better place to look.

Also don't give up because someone lives far away. An online relationship is still a relationship.

I know, but I live in hillbilly central. There are a few used game stores around here, but the only club (a roleplaying group) is over an hour's drive away. If I were into hunting, fishing, mudding, Nascar, boats, pickup trucks, and football, I'd fit in here a whole lot better. Even on the dating sites I'm on, all I see are girls saying, "I like to take my pickup out on the back roads, go duck hunting, and gut my own fish." It sounds like heaven to most everybody else around here, but I don't care about any of that stuff. I want a girlfriend who loves to read, can discuss our favorite books and movies in depth for hours, can kick my butt at video games (because that means she loves them just as much as I do), and enjoy a night home watching Netflix instead of hittin' up da clubs. I've tried moving away to places I could find more people like me, but I ended up coming back because this town is my home and unfamiliar cities scare me. Besides that, I just got a pretty good new job so I can't go anywhere anyway.

As for long distance relationships, that's one thing I refuse to do. I have online friends, and they're great friends, but the reason I want a girlfriend is so I can have someone I can be with in person, you know? You just can't have that same intimacy over Facebook chat.

I would have to disagree with others here. I look at a dating profile like an advertisement. It's most effective when it's showcasing you in your best light. Therefore, I think it's better to talk about your strengths, and things that you are good at as opposed to areas in which you fall short.

Saying straight-up that you have Autism on your profile is going to generate a preconceived idea of what you might be like in other people's eyes. People less familiar with Autism may just write you off as being exactly like Sheldon Cooper, or in extreme cases, they may assume that you're non-verbal. Despite what some people might say, online dating IS competitive, and it IS a numbers' game, so you have to actively go out of your way to show these girls why YOU are better for them than the next guy, or they're just going to move on.

Which brings me to my next point. It's possible that in many of the cases where you've been talking to these girls that awkwardness hasn't been the problem. Maybe they got bored of you. Maybe they found someone else. Girls generally receive many more messages from guys than guys do from girls, which is what makes online dating particularly hard if you don't stand out. I'm sorry, but I just can't imagine girls choosing to have patience for you because you've put a disclaimer on your profile, when they can just as easily talk to someone without a disclaimer (even if that person turns out to be more awkward).

Is this to say you should never tell girls you talk to that you're Autistic? I don't think so, but I wouldn't recommend doing so until they see you for who you are, and until it becomes relevant in the conversation. Volunteering the information so quickly will have people immediately see you as Adam the Autistic, whereas volunteering it when you've gotten to know them a little better will have them see you as Adam the pretty cool guy who happens to have Autism. You know what I mean?

I think you'd benefit more from improving your online social skills than letting people know straight away that your social skills aren't the best.

Eh. I would and wouldn't. It's how confident you are about it. You can meet other autistic people that way, but you're competing against 25 other men messaging them at the same time, and usually they're only going to respond to the best prospect. It could be a conversation builder, some girl could notice it and talk autism with you.. but, since females are less likely to be diagnosed, and less apparent on online dating sites, it's unlikely to happen.

Really, it's a judgement call. I did it for a while, but it didn't do me any favors. The usual response was "o my 7 yr old cuzen has autism 2 lolololzolzolxzolz" and then they compared me to their bratty cousin with emotional problems. And ignored me.

That's exactly what I mean. Until they have an idea of who you are and what you're like, telling someone you're Autistic is going to get you cast into a stereotype box.

I can understand where the OP is coming from given that I live in the same area. The women around here and on the dating sites tend to fall in two categories for the most part. The first is the muddin', fishin', huntin' crowd (as well as being in the Christian Fundie camp), and the second is the women with a bunch of children looking to attach to some poor fool like a leech. There are outliers of course but they are rare.

I can also confirm that there are very few clubs and meetups for his interests having shared many of them myself. There really isn't a video game club around here nor are there many board/roleplaying meetups. There are people that enjoy such things, but they generally don't advertise around here. My suggestion is go to a local gaming store and set up a tournament or some kind of video game day and see who that attracts.

Now as far as whether you should advertise your Asperger's it's going to come up eventually though I would generally recommend telling hopefuls in a private chat.

I have so far only have had better intimacy over text/chat. But I'm odd; I'm looking forward to the day when I can keep my self in the presence of other people and still be able to interact. I think I've gathered all the tools I need now to do that. And I've had 3 long-term relationships in my life, all with plenty of person to person contact.

I agree with the Real inquisitor.
Don't mention that u have Asperger in your profile. Trust me many people might have/haven't heard about it but most people have absolutely no clue what it is!

Online dating opens up more options and more chances of finding someone. You have limited your options a bit by having some "must have" criteria, so i guess u have to be more patient.

You might find someone who shares one or 2 of your interests. But that's ok. I don't think we could find a female/male version of ourselves.
So if u find someone who shares a thing or more that's a good start.

Let's say she liked to read. Tell her anout your books and always ask her about hers. But dont talk about books for too long. It will be interesting to talk about other things too, so that theconversation won't be boring.
Try to talk about different things not only your shared interests.
Ask her about herself. Many women love to talk about themselves.
My ex had Asperger and he used to talk about the same thing all the time. He was unstoppable!! He could talk about himself and his interests without asking : how about u? What do u think? Etc..

Talk about ur interests for a while then shift to other subjects.
Ask her questions
Try to be interested in her interests even if they were different from yours. You might find them interesting!

Online daying needs patience! Don't give up yet!!

I think I may have found one of the reasons they stop messaging me. Two out of three times, the conversation will go fine until they ask what some of my hobbies are, and I'll mention video games. They'll ask what video games I play, and I'll say mostly RPGs like Final Fantasy because I like games that can tell me a cool story. And then... silence.

Well, the gender split of people who play RPGs.. it's like 90/10 to males. If you find someone who digs final fantasy, I mean, great.. but it's not likely.

I don't really expect to find a woman who likes Final Fantasy. I'm just saying, when I list my hobbies that's usually where they stop talking to me.

I don't share my AS status with dates. It is something I like to keep utr.

Bro, here's the greatest advice you will ever receive.

Be a modified golden version of yourself to attract women. Be yourself but don't be yourself.


You see us aspies tend to be honest and truthful, we don't like being fake. But our neurotypical counterparts realise that being completely themselves doesn't correlate to attracting women or getting a job. You know why? Because honestly what girl likes a guy who does a half ass job of trying to look good? He never combes his hair, barely showers, only wants to talk about pwning noobs online, no girls don't like that.

If you want to attract a woman, then start to care more about how you look, how you act, how you dress, and work on your conversational skills with women. Nothing wrong with putting on a mask bro, lots of neurotypical women are masters at it.

Start to implement neurotypical behavior especially around women, work on your appearence, work on your conversational skills with them ladies, and most importantly learn to take rejection and move on, and before you know it you'll be kicking it with ladies.


So no, don't tell girls you're autistic. Try to act as normal as possible.

I think he should tell girls he has autism, but only after they've gotten to know him well enough that it's too late for them to make prejudgements about him. But yeah, when trying to talk to girls initially on any platform, it's wise to put your best foot forward, and only advertise your assets.

You don't see McDonald's advertisements exclaiming that their cheeseburgers are unhealthy. Instead, they try to seduce you with the taste of the food, the ingredients, good prices, anything they can.

Most advertisements do their best when they emphasise product's strengths and nullify its weaknesses. From what I've observed, dating profiles are the same.

Obviously you shouldn't be dishonest if asked a question. For example, I don't like sports, and liking sports is generally an attractive quality. If someone asks me if I play any/like sports, I'll tell them I don't, or tell them about the exercise activities I do partake in. But I certainly wouldn't include the fact that I don't like sports on my profile.