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ramsamsam
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17 Apr 2007, 3:10 am

Over the past year I've had numerous 'flings' with people I just meet. Now when i was younger i never ever anticipated this, I assumed I'd wait until I was married until any sexual contact.
Often I meet somebody and half the time I don't even like them and I'm intentionally rude to them but I still end-up in their bed.
For instance I viscously told a woman to 'SHUT THE HELL UP' and she still took me home, another when asked if I was enjoying myself I simply 'Hmm, no not really, I don't like sex'.
If you've had a fling or numerous flings do think it takes social skills?
I really don't, most people that I stay with I don't like and I just talk nonsense about the bands I like which are often completely different to anything they like.



biostructure
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17 Apr 2007, 3:33 am

Wow, why can't I be getting some of these?

And why in the world are you intentionally rude to someone you then have sex with? It seems either you don't like her, in which case you ignore her advances, or you do like her, in which case you'd appreciate the fling and would have no reason to be intentionally rude. I can totally understand being UNintentionally rude due to failure to understand the social situation (I'm sure I've done that more than a few times), but I could never imagine being purposely rude to a girl I found attractive and who found me attractive enough to have a fling. There are just WAY too few of those around to chase them away by being rude unless I absolutely can't avoid it.



calandale
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17 Apr 2007, 3:43 am

ramsamsam wrote:
I don't like and I just talk nonsense about the bands I like which are often completely different to anything they like.


Those are social skills. Moreover, what you seem to be realting, I wouldn't call a fling, but rather a one-night stand. I've had both. Flings can be decent. The stand usually isn't (I can only think of one exception for me).



giaam
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17 Apr 2007, 3:54 am

I've had a couple more by accident than intent. Where I lack the social skills/flirting technique/ability to read non-verbal ques, I dont see how I even get close to interacting with females. (my mum used to say I become a mystery/challenge. Yeah, right.) It is possible that I pay so much attention to the social niceties when I am trying to NT that helps. Don't know, can,t care.


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ramsamsam
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17 Apr 2007, 3:57 am

Well in alot of ways I am being unintentonally rude, but alot of these women are just tarts. Often I'm too drunk to care. I just find it all comical I sometimes like to push things too far just to see how they react, and they're not always 'girls'... more women. Often people of my own age are like 'Oh that guy he's odd'.
Whereas alot of women are like 'My god i wish I was a teenager, you seem wonderfully'... Actually most women who say that have husbands so I don't sleeps with them.
It's usually idiot women that i can't respect that I find myself in any sort of sexual situation.
Often it happens after I unwitingly woo them by being a 'smart ass' (e.g. "Woah! Do you have a photgraphic memory!?" or "You're so perculiar, you're so different to most guys,, you seem like you understand.")
This leads to me feeling pretty great about myself, I begin feeling bored as all they talk about if children, life, work and stuff that isn't like "Have you got Magazines album 'The Correct Use of Soap'?
Having stopped talking, we both get bored after that I may say something deadpan- at this point I am unaware of whether they're interested in me, but in one case they were really overt and it's kinda unnerving...
It's experimentation, a way to see how far can I can go? But now I'm quite bored of it all.



ramsamsam
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17 Apr 2007, 4:00 am

Oh well, I've had a 'fling', but that wasn't quite sex but we became good friends. I'm not a shy person, infact I'm quite an impulsive person so i think I usually end up in those situations by ingnoring when things are going wrong, it actually is surprising that it is easy to sleep with somebody rather attempt to realte to them in a platonic way.



calandale
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17 Apr 2007, 4:02 am

Yeah, what you describe is what I usually see getting the action. Then again though, the types of women that I've had decent relationships with never seem to go for that kind of bull anyway, so I guess I'm cool with it.



ramsamsam
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17 Apr 2007, 4:20 am

Sex is cheap, it's not real communication a one night stand is shallow and only relies on a superficial attraction-for some it is easy to rely on looks.
For instance if I wern't physically attractive at all (i'm not saying I look fantastic, but alot of people compliment me on the way I look), these people wouldn't have made that step farther perhaps.
The way someone looks is a social tool, if you look 'cool' or attractive then people would be willing to go for you regardless of an obssesive interest or aloof manner- in fact those attributes may work on your favour.
For instance 'Oh my, you seem so strange and smart', then they may admire you.
Alot of the people I've slept with I'm not friends with, they are just simply filling the 'gaps' between days.
I really do place more value on friendship, it's not cheap but the benefits of a good friendship are amazing.



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17 Apr 2007, 8:52 am

No flings or one-night stands for me, kthxbai. (:



BeyondInfinity
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17 Apr 2007, 9:13 am

yeah this happens to me if im drunk sometimes...try to avoid getting that drunk now, hook-ups just make me sick... but its common behavior for my NT friends. fitting in can be hard... and some girls can be aggressive if they find you attractive, I usally just try to give people what they want, saves me from problems...


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Grim
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17 Apr 2007, 9:56 am

I get into these situations accidently sometimes.



newaspie
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18 Apr 2007, 12:08 am

i like flings and friends with benefits.. people you are comfortable with and can hang with AND, you know.. :)

no dating drama, no intense emotional crap, and still have space and freedom to persue my interests and be "distant" when I want and need to

it would be great to find a companion, but until then..



calandale
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18 Apr 2007, 12:28 am

The one fling that I had, I DID get all emotional about. Can't seem to help it.
But, I get emotional about my friends too.



chris_hass33
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18 Apr 2007, 10:20 am

If I had a "fling", as you guys call it (which I haven't), the group home, DSS, and one of my therapists would hit the roof. If my parents heard about it, they'd probably hit Mars (my phrase for freaking out even more than if someone "hit the roof". The more someone would freak out, the further the planet would be, counting Pluto.)



Fatallyflawed
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18 Apr 2007, 5:26 pm

Well... yes and no. I had an unintentional fling, because I had sex with a girl that I wanted to date and she used me for sex and then went back to her ex. :( Its sort of counterintuitive... The girl used me, and I wanted more from the relationship.

Oh and I don’t understand it but it seems like the meaner you are to some girls the more they like you. There is this annoying girl at work (she has a boyfriend) and the more I tease her and give her subtle hints that shes annoying the more she likes me. She has a crush on me!! ! She wants to date? WTF?! She has a boyfriend so thats out of the question for me.

Unlike most guys I do not seek to have flings. I prefer to have a girlfriend who I care about and vise versa.



calandale
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18 Apr 2007, 11:10 pm

Fatallyflawed wrote:
She has a boyfriend so thats out of the question for me.
.


Some people will not leave a relationship unless they have a sure backup.