¡Hi everyone!
I'm looking for help because I'm a NT girl in love with a boy with AS.
First, I want to apologize if I make an orthographic mistake because my mother tong isn't english. But i'm so desperate for advice that I make this effort.
This is my story:
This guy and I meet in college and in the first moment I didn't really like him. I was new in the course because I changed my clases and didn't know my new classmates. So, i was loking to fit in with a group, this doesn't worried me because I always be very sociable. In a short time I meet his group and start making every work together. I'd like to do my assignments right, so did he, so we start to be in the same teams. The time past and I began to care and like him as a friend. I liked to talk to him, listen to him, sharing things.
In fact, in our group of friends we where 5. Four of them where friends long time ago (including this boy), I was the newest but for some reason he start to looking only for me. In the beginning this doesn't estrange me, but with time make me wonder if he was starting to feel something for me.
In that moment I didn't know that he had AS.
I'm a very sociable person but not an expert in love topics. I had a couple of relationships, one of those very serious (4 years). But with dating, flirting, etc, i'm not the greatest. So, with time, the doubt about his feelings about me grow but I didn't had an answer. He called me almost everyday to lunch together in college, he wrote me all the time, he cared about my things, treated me in a very special way. And without a notice I start to like that.
I found him perfect.
He was not popular, but very intellectual. I became the person who most understand him in our group of friends. Some people thought we had something. From the outside we look like a couple. The college finished, and we only had one year and a half knowing each other. But this didn't mean we stop seeing.
He called me several times to go out. He began to interest about chess and asking me to go out to play with him. All this only got me very confused. By this moment I was totally sure about my feelings about him. And i though all this askings to go out meant something. But the months past and he didn't said anything to me. I start to feel really bad because I felt in the friend-zone. Trap in there and with no courage to speak with him because I was afraid.
Some day, in a trivial conversation he told me he had "asperger characteristics" (quoting). In that moment I start to understand more about his behavior and sociable problems. But is now when i read and documented more. Today all start to make sense.
By that time I still liked him and not talking to him about it. Was december and i had the chance to know his family, he invited me to his house to lunch, we spend a lot of time together.
I was not a rock, I care about him in the same way and send him signs expecting he catch my feelings and do something. He was very shy so i did't understand if he was afraid like me or he was not interested in me. Looking for advice with one of our friends, she told me that before the knew me he fall for a girl and was very persistent but this girl did't correspond him. She told me that was a very uncomfortable situation because he insisted to much with her and she rejected him (in a nice way) several times. She said to him that she only see him like a friend.
So I start to feeling worse, because this boy really care about me but never in the way he did with this girl. One day, after a lots of "dates" that were not dates I open to him and told him how I feel. He's answer was that I was the only person in his world that he could call a true friend. That he always had classmates but never a friend. That I'm one of the very few persons with he felt comfortable. BUT: he only see as a friend.
My heart was broken that day but in the deep I felt ok because my doubts ended.
THE PROBLEM IS:
I now know I don't have only a crush, I'm in love.
Even after all that I told him that I had to separate from him. Stop going out only with him. Stop writing each other. But is very hard. We see each other for our common friends and he still looking for me.
We don't write each other like before but when he wants to go out he calls me to organize something with our other friends. And when we are in that reunions he only stay with me.
He calls me sometimes just to know about me. So, is very difficult to me to let him go.
I don't want to hurt him because, like he said, i'm his only friend. He is very lonely so i tolerate his behavior before he rejected me. But i don't know how to manage this situation because for me is very painful.
I do my job: I don't write him, I make distance, even I don't answer some of his message but in the end I fall for him if he give me his care.
How I can manage this? How i can get over him?
I don't want to be the girl who expect to the boy fall for her meanwhile the time past by.... I'm very desperate. Just want to understand what's in his mind...
26 Mar 2016, 10:33 pm
