Could this be the reason why my family think this way?

Post Reply New Topic

My friends seem to have a positive attitude towards me getting a girlfriend and have even tried to help me get in with girls on nights out.

My parents and other family members or close friends of the family seem to have more negative attitudes in regard to my ability to get a girlfriend.


Could this be becuause my family have more prejudiced and outdated beliefs about people with aspergers or other disability groups and there ability to form romantic relationships?



I am 26 and never had a girlfriend by the way

Perhaps they are concerned for you? A lot of negativity can come from trying to find a relationship, being in one, and if one goes wrong. Maybe they are concerned about how you might react when faced with that?

Perhaps your parents and other family members know you better than your friends know you.

Are any of your friends women? If so, have you asked any of them out yet? If not, have you asked them to set you up with an actual date?

I mean, if your friends have a positive attitude towards you getting a girlfriend, then why not ask them to play "Matchmaker" for you in a more serious way than just helping you get in with girls on nights out - ask them to set you up on a "blind" date, and see how it works out.

9 years ago my dad said to me "you are not seriously thinking about asking a girl out in your film class at college are you? "If you do they will probably say 'no'" and he continued "I am trying to protect you"


By protect me he means - "not give my aspergers to someone else".

I think that is probably what he really meant because he expressed his opinions about Down syndrome people having relationships saying "people with Down syndrome are stopped from having partners to protect them so they don't give there condition to someone else"

Your dad sounds ignorant in this instance.

Asperger's is not contagious--neither is Down Syndrome.

Both can be, inconsistently, passed down genetically. Then again, "normal" people frequently give birth to both Aspergians and Down Syndrome kids.

If you like a girl, pursue her (gently).

Aspergers has nothing to do with Down syndrome right?

Does your dad perhaps mean those with a developmental disability are or should be stopped from having kids? I find it hard to fathom someone could be so silly as to think Down's Syndrome or AS are contagious, and having kids is a way to 'give' one's condition to someone else.

Without meeting and speaking with your family, it's hard to know quite what they mean. It could be something in the way of trying to protect you from upset if they think you are undateable - that at least if you don't try you'll be spared rejection. It's still not a pleasant situation, but it at least comes from concern for you.

But from what else you say, they do sound ignorant and prejudiced. Rejection, unfortunately, is a part of life in general, and romantic life in particular. It's never pleasant, but it can be learned from in such a way as to aid maturity.

Do you know any women of a similar age - sisters or close cousins, or girls who are friends? They may be better placed to give advice.

You're right, Aspergers has nothing to do with Down syndrome.

Down Syndrome is a MEDICAL diagnosis, it exists in Med books which Med students study, it has a known genetic definition: Caused by the presence of all or part of a third copy of chromosome 21. Very 'tangible', very simple.
And its symptoms, especially the physical features, are very 'tangible' too.

While AS is....simply....a PSYCHIATRIC diagnosis, it is still has no biological and genetic definition at all, and studies so far didn't really conclude a sh!t about what AS is really (hint: it may be simply a socially construct, personality type(s)).

It is not found in any medical or biological books, it is only found in the Psychiatry bibles (DSM (not anymore) and CDC).

WPers seem to forget that and talk about AS as if it's a Medical diagnosis, it is still not.

Down Syndrome and autism are separate conditions, though people with Down Syndrome very occasionally also have autism.

There is a definite genetic component to Down Syndrome, though it arises spontaneously, rather than being inherited from your parents. It's also called Trisomy 21 because there are three Chromosome 21's, instead of two.

Autism has many, many causes, some genetic, some not. There's no definite genetic presentation like there is with Down Syndrome.

People with Down Syndrome have a tendency to have relative strengths in the social aspect of things, and relative weaknesses in the academic aspect of things.

Many times, in autism, the reverse is true.

Difficult to answer if your family hold negative views, as I don't know them, however, I'm inclined to go with the poster that said your friends won't know you as intimately as your family and it's possible your family lean towards a more negative mind-set due to not wanting to see you hurt.

Out of interest, are your friends NTs? If they are, it's possible they can take dating for granted and just see it as another rite of passage that doesn't come with any challenges for them, save the usual stuff, whereas for you there may be additional hurdles they're not going to be as aware of, that your family might?

Your friends sound encouraging, and that's great, but your family sound concerned (to me) and whilst your friends will care that you possibly could get hurt, your family will feel it on your behalf and want to save you the heartache, imo.
Hence the negativity, possibly?

Course, all that's moot if your friends ain't NTs

My family want me work long hours and be single/miserable for the rest of my life.

Heartless people

Oh

Well, perhaps just try and shelve how they are for now and see if between you n your friends, you can't find someone you like?

Just give it time. Your family may start to come round if they see you're happy

My dad said why Down syndrome people are protected from having relationships. Here is a list of his answers

"There emotionally ret*d"
"They look different and will be rejected because of it"
"They will pass it down to someone else"







I wonder if me having autism makes me look different in appearance compared to the majority of people?


Maybe in my case my dad was referring to more my emotional level of maturity and not so much there is something off about the way I look.

Last edited by Jamesy on 17 Feb 2016, 11:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

He's talking crap, frankly.

Your dad might be a nice guy and all--but he really should start doing some real research.

Sounds like your dad is struggling to come to terms with things. Has he much understanding of AS? Has he done any reading? (Has anyone in your family?)
Still, maybe leave him to it and he'll hopefully see the light one day.

Meantime, you should focus on yourself and the stuff you need to do.