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thechadmaster1
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22 Feb 2016, 5:56 pm

So last week, our work crew had a good looking young lady about my age start working with us. I was the only single person on the crew, come to find out she is too. My initial read is that she likes me a little bit, but I've been out of the game so long that I would know flirting if it punched me in the face and stole my wallet. With her looks, she is way above my league.

I looked her up on Facebook, happend to see her father whom she lives with.

I pulled out the phone book and found her address. She lives one town over, so I took a little drive by her house. Its on a well travelled road, I wasn't conspicuous, I did not stop or even slow down. I got confirmation that she lives there having recognized her car in the driveway.

Am I seriously messed up? I got to thinking later on. I know my mind likes to run away from me, and I get to imagining a future that can never be.

Scale of 1-10, 1 being normal curiosity, 10 being seriously effed up, where do you think this rates?



Trogluddite
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22 Feb 2016, 6:29 pm

Judging from one to ten is difficult - it depends on why you decided on that course of action. But whatever your reasoning, it is the kind of behaviour that can be easily misinterpreted and possibly get you into trouble. I would advise you not to make a habit of it.

Thinking back to my youth, I did some pretty bizarre things myself - but feel free to shoot my advice down if I have the situation all wrong. I think maybe you are trying to find an alternative way to get to know about her to see if you're really interested - one that is less pressure than trying to make conversation or flirt. The trouble is that collecting circumstantial information like this, isn't going to tell you what you need to know - which is what (if anything) she feels about you. Only she can let you know that herself.

Exactly how you go about that part - I'm less sure, as I've never met either of you, and I'm pretty hopeless at reading that situation myself. But I do know that "worshipping from afar" isn't the way.


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Outrider
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22 Feb 2016, 6:39 pm

Just don't worry about it too much, but don't do it again either.

I managed to find the neighborhood of my ex-girlfriend before I visited her house, but nothing more than that.

Honestly, knowing your crushes address is a meaningless thing. I've heard stories from friends who actually accidentally discovered their crushes address by chance, and I have as well just because she advertised it on her facebook page.

Next time, think about what goals you have in mind when carrying out this kind of behavior - it's not like you could have gone up to her and said hello, so knowing her address makes no difference whatsoever.

If you want to get to know her and such, yu've got to have a few convos with her at work before possibly asking her out. Forget this 'leagues' cr*p, and if she thinks she is too good looking for you, well that probably means your personality is too good for hers.



thechadmaster1
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22 Feb 2016, 6:47 pm

My purpose was mere curiosity, going by her house is an alternative route from work to home.

As for "leagues" I consider her to be above my league. My personality is practically nonexistent. My self esteem is practically nonexistent. My friend list is practically nonexistent. I have not had a visitor in five years.

I work two jobs 60-70 hours six days a week by choice just so I don't have to sit at home with nothing to do. I live alone and have zero social skills/life. My mind tends to get ahead of me and when the faintest glimmer of hope appears, it goes into overdrive



Karen145
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22 Feb 2016, 6:58 pm

Pretty creepy, but at least she didn't see you. Most people do a little recon online, but few would drive by the house unless they actually had plans to meet up there later. I would take a step back and concentrate on getting to know her. Keep in mind that asking out coworkers can be socially unacceptable, considered sexual harassment, or a conflict of interest. Depending on the company you work for it can be against policy for coworkers to be in a relationship. If you do end up asking her out at some point I would do it after hours and if she says no let it go. You don't want to make working together awkward for either of you.


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wowiexist
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23 Feb 2016, 12:27 am

It is a little creepy, but I think it is fine as long as you don't take it any farther than you already have. Don't like send her love letters or park outside and watch with binoculars or anything.



superbluevegetable
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23 Feb 2016, 1:15 am

I'd consider it pretty creepy. I see it a bit like this: All relationships (not just romantic ones) need a healthy pace, and it should be up to the people involved on when the appropriate time is to share their address with someone. Taking that away from her is something I consider as control issues on your side, and if you already have them this early, how is this relationship ever supposed to be healthy?

I don't mean to offend, but if you say you don't know why you did it, maybe you should consider talking to a more professional person to help you figure out why you have these issues. It might help you to develop a healthier attitude and thus have healthy relationships one day.



slw1990
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23 Feb 2016, 2:20 am

I think it was just slightly creepy. I don't think you should feel too bad about it since you didn't have any bad intentions behind it.



Tim_Tex
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23 Feb 2016, 4:56 am

Probably creepy, but I am proud of you for not making things as bad as they could have been.

Also, it's not a good idea to date co-workers. Believe me, I know.


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