About love shyness ...

Post Reply New Topic

Hey everybody,

I wanted to ask you a question about autism and love shyness ....
We know a guy with autism (Asperger more precisely) at college, who used to be very shy around us (we are 2 girls) and especially my friend, whom he used to follow around, even stalk, etc ...That was pretty much the case with all the girls of the class ...

However, my question is more about love shyness on itself : a few months later, this same guy had found a girlfriend whom he dated, walked with in the street, etc ... When one of my friends,who knew the girl from high school, talked about the guy with her, she said that this guy was never ever shy when with her ...

Here's my question : is it possible for a guy who was very shy wih certain people to feel very relaxed and act cool with other persons ...

In other words, is "love shyness" selective ?

I hope someone could help ...

Thanks !

Please no one to help ?

some people are just shy in initiating and don't know how to start a conversation, that's definitely me

once the conversation starts i can keep it going for 7 hours though, that's probably what happened with them

Ok thk you for the answer ...

Yeah, but the fact is that we've tried a lot to initiate the conversation, but he was stuck with short answers ... like he felt kinda intimidated ... ? (blushed a lot, having tremors, not very natural attitude, a lot of blanks in conversations,etc ...)

While with the other girl, he was very open and talkative ... But she also told us that before her, there was a girl he dated, but it turned out that he was very nice to her just to try to take ... advantages let's say, if you see what i mean, and then dropped relationship ...

In fact, what surprises me is that, from the side of his personnality we've seen, we would have never imagined that he could be able to "fake " a relationship, and especially be able to tell her nice words,etc, just to let her go out with him ..

Idk it's strange ...? Any explanation ? Anyways thks ...

that's kind of what chemistry is i guess, some people i can talk with for 7 hours. there's a girl i work with that i couldn't hold a conversation with for longer than 15 seconds if i was paid to. the shyness and nervous traits can go away after enough time talking to someone, too. someone being shy or having poor social skills doesn't really mean they can't build and maintain successful relationships, and it also doesn't mean when they acquire said relationships that they'll respect the person they're with, as you've seen.

Yeah i think you're right ... i would have never imagined him engaging in a love relationship ...

What is more scary is that he also has a "stalker attitude" sometimes, like he's stalked my friend's family, but well it's another story, i've already posted about it, but well ...

It is very possible to be shy around some people, and not around others.
This is not love-shyness though (using the term as used on the 'love-shyness' webpages), that means that you are generally *not* shy (or to a lesser extend), but you become (more) shy around someone you are romantically interested in.

However, the way i understand it, love-shyness is only initial, once the connection is made, it drops away and the person returns to his/her 'regular' shyness levels (or lack thereof)

Hey, thanks for you answer too ...

Yes, the reason why i used the term "love-shyness" was that it only happened to him around "girls" in college ...
In fact not in fact around "certain" girls ...

But yeah out of college, with his female friends from high school, he wasn't that shy, that's why ...^^

What about it? This all comes off as totally normal where I'm sitting.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

A lot of guys are shy around pretty girls they like. It's quite common.

As has already been said, this seems normal to me.

I don't tend to like talking to other people, but when I find someone I can talk to/converse with, it's hard to stop me. My guess is there was something about this girl that put him at ease. It's the 'click'.

Suppose you 'like' someone but find it hard to have anything to say to them. A tying of one's tongue ensues, no? Blushing, stammering, at a loss for words. For all the exhortations to 'get confident, stupid!' there's not a lot to be done.

But then, you meet someone you 'like' who you can talk to. Who 'gets' you with barely a word exchanged. It's a wonderful thing, and one can talk and listen for hours and hours, feel at ease around them.

My guess is you and your friend just weren't of a type to put him at ease. His girlfriend is.

Thanks all your answers that were quite helpful ...

However, i'd like to ask you something hopper :
yes, this girl put him at ease, but then, she found out that he was not as honest as he was pretending ...

Here's another (interesting?) question : is it common for an aspie to do something like this ... Manipulate someone who was kind to him ?

I don't know if it's common. I don't know how we'd know that. I'm sure it's possible.

In what way was he not as honest as he might have been?

I've been shy for most of my life, especially around new people. Whenever I end up meeting my special someone in real life instead of just on this forum, I'll probably gape like a fish and stutter.