Being competitive with my crush

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Joined: 3 Jul 2010
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27 Feb 2016, 10:02 pm

I always try to think of reasons why I'm "better" than my crush. I know this is stupid and it only makes it a million times harder to have a chance. I always end up saying stupid and arrogant s**t around my crush. I'm normally not an arrogant person.

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Sabreclaw
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28 Feb 2016, 3:16 am

Try not to do it then? I don't really know what to say other than that.

hurtloam
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29 Feb 2016, 2:21 am

I think that is a protective thing. You don't want to let yourself be too vulnerable.

I have a friend who does that. She gets the guy's attention, but she pushes him away rather than draws him in.

I've done other too, but usually with men i don't feel confident with. I'm like, "so, you think you're too good for me. Well I'll show you that you're not" and no one wins really.

Maybe ask yourself why you feel the need to prove yourself? Why don't you want to make yourself vulnerable?

The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Feb 2016, 2:23 am

I say It's a typical female thing: playing hard to get.

It just drives us away.

DevilKisses
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29 Feb 2016, 2:31 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I say It's a typical female thing: playing hard to get.

It just drives us away.

Can you please avoid the gender politics?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Feb 2016, 2:41 am

DevilKisses wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I say It's a typical female thing: playing hard to get.

It just drives us away.

Can you please avoid the gender politics?

It will just drive him/her away, stop doing it.

DevilKisses
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29 Feb 2016, 2:44 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

DevilKisses wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I say It's a typical female thing: playing hard to get.

It just drives us away.

Can you please avoid the gender politics?

It will just drive him/her away, stop doing it.

I usually just stay quiet around her because I know anything I say will be stupid. I just want to know how to avoid these stupid thoughts to begin with.

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rdos
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29 Feb 2016, 2:47 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I say It's a typical female thing: playing hard to get.

It just drives us away.

Only if there is no sign that they like us. Otherwise, it can be an invitation for an interesting game. :mrgreen:

The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Feb 2016, 3:28 am

No one can tell you how to be modest and not pretentious, you just be.

DevilKisses
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29 Feb 2016, 3:33 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

No one can tell you how to be modest and not pretentious, you just be.

I'm normally not pretentious. It just happens around my crush.

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Bicarbonate
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12 Mar 2016, 4:56 pm

I can relate! But I believe my behavior stems from a different reason.

My crush is intelligent, innovative, and creative. He succeeds in the math/science area, whereas I succeed in art/English. Even though I also see myself as accomplished, his area seems more practical, and I feel like a complete idiot around him.

So I'll say ridiculous, pompous things - even through I don't think of myself in that way. I'm terrified of not being good enough for him. Fortunately I'm getting over it and accepting that the RIGHT mate will adore me for who I am.

P.s. Everyone wants to appear their best when it comes to crushes...

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TheSpectrum
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12 Mar 2016, 5:02 pm

Sounds like you're creating a coping mechanism for being rejected or dumped before anything has even happened.

Don't give in to your insecurities.

EDIT: Realise this is a crush, not a partner thread.

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BenderRodriguez
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12 Mar 2016, 5:21 pm

DevilKisses wrote:

Sounds like a defensive mechanism to me. I used to do similar things when I was very young, out of a perverse combination: desire to impress and fear of being seen as I am (vulnerable and flawed)

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Spiderpig
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01 May 2018, 5:40 am

Why play hard to get when you can be actually hard to get?

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SilverStar
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01 May 2018, 6:12 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:

Don't give in to your insecurities.

What is Insecurities for 300, Alex?

Chronos
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01 May 2018, 6:20 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I say It's a typical female thing: playing hard to get.

It just drives us away.

I've seen guys try to impress women numerous times by trying to demonstrate they are more knowledgeable on a subject than she is....this probably accounts for at least some of the incidents of "mansplaining".

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