Inappropriate remark!

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Occasionaly when I go out to the bar a girl will flirt and get closer to me when we are sitting down having a conversation.

Sometimes when a girl flirts with me (like touch me on the arm and move closer to me) I have said "do you want to sit on my lap"? The 2 girls I have said this too they did not react that well to me saying it.

Do you think it's understandable them not liking me saying that saught of thing? Some girls who have got close to me have mentioned me having aspergers without me even telling them I have got it.

Oh boy. That would be like asking someone for a lap dance (especially at a bar) . I wouldn't be on a guy's lap unless I know them well.

I'm just curious of why you would ask that? Why do you want them on your lap?

Last edited by nurseangela on 01 Jul 2016, 11:59 am, edited 2 times in total.

Uh because it arouses me

I just got my answer.
It's way too forward for most women unless they are drunk or easy. That's why they didn't take it well.

I see people do it quite a lot at bars and in public.

If a girl can flirt/put her on hands on me and get close to me without knowing me well then why can't I do the same?

Of course maybe I am misreading there behaviour and there just being friendly.

Last edited by Jamesy on 01 Jul 2016, 12:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have another question. If having them on your lap turns you on and you just met this person, a question like that honestly didn't seem inappropriate to you? Or were you hoping they would be an easy pickup?

Maybe easy pick up but like I said it is it appropriate them getting in my personal zone when they have just met me? It's not like in the first few seconds of meeting someone I randomly say "do you want to sit on my lap"


From my point of view it didn't seem that inappropriate.

Getting close and putting your hand on someone's arm is gentle flirting letting the other person know that you like being in their space and closer to them. The lap comment (especially in a bar) was just way too fast - unless you were just trying to hook up. If you really want a relationship, you have to go slower.

I thought about this some more and I know that Aspies have a hard time understanding flirting. I think in a situation like this the best thing to do would be to "mirror" what the other person is doing so then things don't go too fast. Of course it wouldn't work well for those women expecting the guy to eventually make a big move, but at least by then you would know each other better.

Perhaps people view 'lap sitting' as something a step above the friend zone?

I get the impression people with learning difficulties have inappropriate ideas about intimacy and flirting but hey that's just my 2 cents.


I don't think this thread is really going anywhere. Maybe it's time to rap it up now.

I definitely won't sit on just any guys lap - unless it's Santa - and that's because I want something (get your mind out of the gutter people).

Let me clear something up a bit. When you say she's all over you, what else is she doing? Is she doing other stuff besides putting her hand on your arm?

"I don't think this thread is really going anywhere. Maybe it's time to rap it up now."

I disagree. It's threads like this that end up with 50 pages and 3000 posts.

Anyone else have any interesting remarks that they would like to share?

Well it's not like bars are really known for having quality women. "Daddy, how did you meet mommy?" "Well son, I sat in the seat next to her as she was doing jager shots and asked if she wanted me to drive her home."

I, personally, think it's creepy to ask a girl you've said four words to to sit on your lap - but if other girls are into it, well, it takes all kinds.

You can ask girls to sit in your lap, but to do so you have no choice but to accept that:
(1) some will say no
(2) some will think you're a creep for having asked and want nothing further to do with you on that basis
(3) some will say yes.

If you can't accept all three possible reactions graciously, stop asking girls to sit on your lap!

No one is gonna say yes; you're doing it so wrong.