Could this guy have Aspergers? Does he hate me or like me?

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Some background. I'm a mature woman compared to a lot of the people on this forum ( 40 ). Have a child, been around the block a few times. Have friends that are both male and female.

I go to the gym a few times a week sometimes with two of my friends that are also parents and sometimes alone. I've been seeing this guy my age at the gym for about a year now. I first noticed him because he was always staring at me from across the gym. Like most people I find it a little unusual and if someones watching you a lot from across the room I take it to mean they are most likely interested. I started to check him out cause he was always looking back at me etc. Sometimes he would walk past me and look right into my eyes in a really intense way. generally I'll look over and he'll be watching me. Sometimes he'll look away but then five minutes later he's watching me again. A few times on the street i saw him and he paused to watch me walk by.

Anyway I wanted to break the ice so I started smiling at him when he'd walk past me. The first time he looked puzzled. After that he gave the the awkward closed mouth

A few times I've also tried to start up a conversation with him but it's very weird and leaves me feeling puzzled. If I say something he usually does an awkward laugh and then answers me in the shortest sentence possible, even one word answers. But he doesn't follow it up with a question to me the way one normally does when making small talk, or just having a regular conversation. Instead there is always an awkward silence that sort of kills it. He tends to sound sort of formal when he talks.

So as you can see it's taken ages just to get this person to smile and say hello to me. Should I just back off? Why is he always watching me? Should I just let him watch me like this at the gym? Is that all he wants? Could he have some sort of autism, or is he just awkward or nerdy? I feel confused.

What you have described could be AS. People with AS are often shy, miss social ques and speak very formally.

But it could also be a creeper.

Well to be honest I did wonder if he could be a bad guy at some point but then wouldn't he have been more anxious to engage me in conversation?

He does sound like he might have a social problem like Asperger's. While it is possible he could be a creep, like you said, if so, he would have been more likely to have initiated some contact by now. You have made a gesture of interest, and now it is up to him to respond, but he doesn't seem inclined to get involved, and just seems interested in watching from a distance. Try just being friendly in passing--like just saying hello when you pass near him in the gym or on the street, but don't get pushy. If he gets interested enough, and gets past any social hangups he has, he will make an effort to get to know you.

Thank you for the realistic advice. I guess I should back off. It's going to be hard because I had built up all these ideas that the feeling was mutual because he was watching me. And it will also be hard because I am a very friendly person and tend to talk to my neighbors and the people I see on a day to day basis ( the UPS guy , the mail man, guy at the book store,, lady at Starbucks…you get the picture). Maybe I've already been too pushy?

So I've had the complaint from many people in the past: "Why do you keep staring at me?"

Honestly, I don't realize when I am staring. What I am doing is, essentially, analyzing someone, then processing that analysis. Unfortunately, the staring continues while I am processing that thought.

Alternately, it could look like I am staring at you, but in reality I'm thinking about physics, or Keating, or a thousand other things that have absolutely nothing to do with you.

Basically, if he's staring at you, then seems confused when you stare back, he's not staring at you. He's staring at the inside of his mind.

Many people on the spectrum struggle with conversations, especially with people they don't know so he may well be anxious about talking to you.

If you like him, you will need to be more obvious about it than with a non spectrum person. It may also take him a bit to understand you like him. Many people on the spectrum are victims of bullying, and one of the tactics bullies use is to get a pretty girl to pretend to like you, then crush you.

But then he would be staring at my friends too. He's staring at me. If he's analyzing then he's doing a lot of it. Maybe I'm a good person to space out on? He doesn't look confused when I look at him. I don't think he minds that because if I look at him he looks right back at me. It's more when I've approached him that things were weird.

It sounds like he doesn't know how to approach you. He wants you to take the lead because he has no idea what to do. I am diagnosed mild Asperger's. He reminds me a lot of myself.

Can relate to this a little. It might not have as much to do with you as you think. Especially with anxiety disorders and/or being bullied in the past, people are sometimes evaluating who might be a "threat." Not physically, bt emotionally. And, it might not even be that. It is hard to do, but please try to evaluate a person's overall behavior. It is not necessarily true that this person even wants to talk to you. It is also not necessarily true that they are "interested" in you. Unless there is something that is a threat, perhaps just let it go.

hmm tricky question
ok a little back ground on my self i am Rai ans an high functioning Autistic. hmm well your friend sound a little like my older step brother. now he is a loner which your friend is not hmm i might be that he cant read you what i mean is people with ASD have also something called emotional feedback basically we can feel other peoples emotions and they can affect us. i myself can read peoples emotions rather well and i can get a sense of how they feel however there are people i cant. like this girl i like i cant read her one bit.
my point is don't back off he might be shy i am my self very shy but let me tell you this if you stick with it you might find he returns the feelings.
also try finding his interest something he talks about with real enthusiasm that might coax him to be more open to you

Would you know,if he is on Facebook? Or offer him your email address. He may find it easier to chat to you online?