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Why is it girls have an easier time getting dates than guys?

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RetroGamer87
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06 Nov 2015, 10:51 pm

Guys and girls exist in equal numbers. In theory they should have an equal chance. In practice I know this isn't true.

I know girls dislike being alone as much as as guys yet girls and guys both act as though the girl is doing the guy a favour going by out with him. Discuss.


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kraftiekortie
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06 Nov 2015, 10:55 pm

Because guys are usually the chasers, and girls are usually the chase-ees.

It's the way it is. And we can't change that in this generation.

This might lead to an acrimonious discussion; I hope not.



RetroGamer87
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06 Nov 2015, 11:14 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Because guys are usually the chasers, and girls are usually the chase-ees.
A very strange system. It leads to lonely girls sitting idly by as they complain no guy has asked them out. Not that I don't think guys should ask girls out. I just wish they wouldn't react to caustically afterwards.

And I wonder, why do they react this way? Are they angry at guys or are they scared? Why do girls fear guys? Why are they so defensive?


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07 Nov 2015, 12:23 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Because guys are usually the chasers, and girls are usually the chase-ees.
A very strange system. It leads to lonely girls sitting idly by as they complain no guy has asked them out. Not that I don't think guys should ask girls out. I just wish they wouldn't react to caustically afterwards.

And I wonder, why do they react this way? Are they angry at guys or are they scared? Why do girls fear guys? Why are they so defensive?


IMho, due to many men being the chasers, women have to be sure of what he wants and what is intentions are to prevent a mismatch in goals.

A date doesn't mean a possible relationship, only becoming friends, a one-night stand, etc. women are defensive to know a man's intentions.

But, there is a difference between women who play silly 'mind games' while on the defensive and women who are cautious.

Unfortunately many childish women take advantage of the fact they are the one being pursued and have fun with it, treating dating like a game.

It's so hard to not make dating 'a game' as both men and women will continue to uphold traditional dating rules while only a small minority will choose to break them.



The Grand Inquisitor
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07 Nov 2015, 6:23 am

The deal is, in most cases, women assume the passive role of dating, whilst men assume the active role. I'd say this has to do with our history, in which men had a lot more rights than women, and even a certain degree of power over them, so the men got to choose the women they were interested in. Now, with the gender equality gap sealing up, women have much more power over who they're interested in dating and who they're not.

Anyways, like I said, guys assume the active dating role, whilst girls assume the passive one. Each role has its benefits and disadvantages. For instance, men get to choose which women they want to chase, but they run the risk of rejection, whereas women don't get to choose which men approach them, but they have total control over who they choose to date out of the men showing interest in them, and they don't generally need to risk rejection.

At the moment, we're living in an era of extreme narcissism, where appearance is getting more and more foregrounded and valuable. I believe we're becoming more shallow as a society, and as a result, many young women tend to only be interested in the most attractive guy they can find. Women who are attractive by western beauty standards tend to have a wide range of male pursuers, so they can get away with choosing the most attractive guys that are interested in them.

Even some less attractive girls will feel their worth as a potential dating match skyrocket because they're being bombarded by sexual messages from "higher value" guys who want nothing more than a root. They often misinterpret this information and believe that these men would be interested in a relationship with them, so they feel more romantically valuable than they should, and are not interested in dating less attractive men. This makes dating as a less attractive man incredibly difficult.



MissBearpolar
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07 Nov 2015, 8:23 am

Outrider wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Because guys are usually the chasers, and girls are usually the chase-ees.
A very strange system. It leads to lonely girls sitting idly by as they complain no guy has asked them out. Not that I don't think guys should ask girls out. I just wish they wouldn't react to caustically afterwards.

And I wonder, why do they react this way? Are they angry at guys or are they scared? Why do girls fear guys? Why are they so defensive?


IMho, due to many men being the chasers, women have to be sure of what he wants and what is intentions are to prevent a mismatch in goals.

A date doesn't mean a possible relationship, only becoming friends, a one-night stand, etc. women are defensive to know a man's intentions.

But, there is a difference between women who play silly 'mind games' while on the defensive and women who are cautious.

Unfortunately many childish women take advantage of the fact they are the one being pursued and have fun with it, treating dating like a game.

It's so hard to not make dating 'a game' as both men and women will continue to uphold traditional dating rules while only a small minority will choose to break them.


There are plenty of women, myself included, who don't play games and it's pretty easy to avoid the game-playing women if you're not into games: don't play them.

(I don't do "hard to get" - if I'm interested in the guy, I will return his call/email/text. Do the same and you avoid the girls into "hard to get" games. It ain't rocket science).



kraftiekortie
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07 Nov 2015, 9:59 am

I don't believe most women play mind games. I just believe they are reluctant to make the first move--owing to societal conditioning.

It's a heck of a lot better than being forced into an arranged marriage, IMHO.



beakybird
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07 Nov 2015, 10:03 am

Because they are the gatekeepers. We are only the keymasters.



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07 Nov 2015, 10:18 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Because guys are usually the chasers, and girls are usually the chase-ees.

With it possibly being especially difficult for guys to be 'chase-ees'...



MissBearpolar
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07 Nov 2015, 11:36 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
The deal is, in most cases, women assume the passive role of dating, whilst men assume the active role. I'd say this has to do with our history, in which men had a lot more rights than women, and even a certain degree of power over them, so the men got to choose the women they were interested in. Now, with the gender equality gap sealing up, women have much more power over who they're interested in dating and who they're not.

Anyways, like I said, guys assume the active dating role, whilst girls assume the passive one. Each role has its benefits and disadvantages. For instance, men get to choose which women they want to chase, but they run the risk of rejection, whereas women don't get to choose which men approach them, but they have total control over who they choose to date out of the men showing interest in them, and they don't generally need to risk rejection.

At the moment, we're living in an era of extreme narcissism, where appearance is getting more and more foregrounded and valuable. I believe we're becoming more shallow as a society, and as a result, many young women tend to only be interested in the most attractive guy they can find. Women who are attractive by western beauty standards tend to have a wide range of male pursuers, so they can get away with choosing the most attractive guys that are interested in them.

Even some less attractive girls will feel their worth as a potential dating match skyrocket because they're being bombarded by sexual messages from "higher value" guys who want nothing more than a root. They often misinterpret this information and believe that these men would be interested in a relationship with them, so they feel more romantically valuable than they should, and are not interested in dating less attractive men. This makes dating as a less attractive man incredibly difficult.


In the US, 2/3 of adults are overweight/obese and 85% of adults are or have been married to a person of the opposite sex (gay marriage wasn't legal during the last census). Rather a lot of marriages and second marriages result in kids.

Clearly, rather a lot of those unlikely to be deemed among the "most attractive" are getting dates if 85% of US adults get married at some point.

It is worth considering whether YOU are having trouble getting dates versus it being harder in general for guys to get dates than girls.

Your contention that it's harder for guys to get dates doesn't statistically work out -- around 10% of the population's gay, equal #s men/women, thus cancelling each other out -- so every straight guy goes on a date with a straight girl. Equal numbers of men + women who are straight get dates.



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07 Nov 2015, 11:49 am

Because girls sit their ass while they're choosing the "perfect" male.


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07 Nov 2015, 1:09 pm

MissBearpolar wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
The deal is, in most cases, women assume the passive role of dating, whilst men assume the active role. I'd say this has to do with our history, in which men had a lot more rights than women, and even a certain degree of power over them, so the men got to choose the women they were interested in. Now, with the gender equality gap sealing up, women have much more power over who they're interested in dating and who they're not.

Anyways, like I said, guys assume the active dating role, whilst girls assume the passive one. Each role has its benefits and disadvantages. For instance, men get to choose which women they want to chase, but they run the risk of rejection, whereas women don't get to choose which men approach them, but they have total control over who they choose to date out of the men showing interest in them, and they don't generally need to risk rejection.

At the moment, we're living in an era of extreme narcissism, where appearance is getting more and more foregrounded and valuable. I believe we're becoming more shallow as a society, and as a result, many young women tend to only be interested in the most attractive guy they can find. Women who are attractive by western beauty standards tend to have a wide range of male pursuers, so they can get away with choosing the most attractive guys that are interested in them.

Even some less attractive girls will feel their worth as a potential dating match skyrocket because they're being bombarded by sexual messages from "higher value" guys who want nothing more than a root. They often misinterpret this information and believe that these men would be interested in a relationship with them, so they feel more romantically valuable than they should, and are not interested in dating less attractive men. This makes dating as a less attractive man incredibly difficult.


In the US, 2/3 of adults are overweight/obese and 85% of adults are or have been married to a person of the opposite sex (gay marriage wasn't legal during the last census). Rather a lot of marriages and second marriages result in kids.

Clearly, rather a lot of those unlikely to be deemed among the "most attractive" are getting dates if 85% of US adults get married at some point.

It is worth considering whether YOU are having trouble getting dates versus it being harder in general for guys to get dates than girls.

Your contention that it's harder for guys to get dates doesn't statistically work out -- around 10% of the population's gay, equal #s men/women, thus cancelling each other out -- so every straight guy goes on a date with a straight girl. Equal numbers of men + women who are straight get dates.

You see, this is what I don't get every time a squeaky wheel of a person comes onto the scene and is like "it's soo hard to date/men never find dates!"
Ummm, are we missing something here?
The VAST majority of people find dates.
Most people are dating/married/taken.
Just because you personally happen to be in the group of "undesirables" doesn't mean it's because
"life is unfair"
Most guys are SOOO entitled and think that just by breathing and existing they deserve to be dated.
No, no not really; it doesn't work that way.
Now, is it FAIR that just because you are on the spectrum that you naturally get cast as an "undesirable" as whether male or female?
NO NOT AT ALL, but when you literally make up maybe like 1% of the population, and the rest of society naturally finds you strange and rather distasteful... well, you're going to have a hard time about it- no matter what.

And no it isn't nice or great, but that's life.



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07 Nov 2015, 1:19 pm

DailyPoutine1 wrote:
Because girls sit their ass while they're choosing the "perfect" male.


Yes, and the only reason it is like this is because society says: "Do otherwise and you've emasculated men. Men can't live if you ask them out, that's not the way 'things are done'"

Many men find women that ask them out to be "gross" and "coming on too strong" or "aggressive and masculine"

So, take your pick. If a woman were to come up to you and say: "hey, you seem cool want to grab and cup of coffee/tea/a drink and chat"
And you follow up with: "Uhh no that's weird to ask a guy out gtfo"
Then, you're the problem. :?



xile123
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07 Nov 2015, 1:22 pm

Natures design. Life has never been fair.



Lifeistoohard
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07 Nov 2015, 1:43 pm

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:
DailyPoutine1 wrote:
Because girls sit their ass while they're choosing the "perfect" male.


Many men find women that ask them out to be "gross" and "coming on too strong" or "aggressive and masculine"

So, take your pick. If a woman were to come up to you and say: "hey, you seem cool want to grab and cup of coffee/tea/a drink and chat"


You kidding me!? I'd think to myself "Am I in heaven right now? A girl is asking me out!" Then happily say "yes". Any guy that doesn't want a girl to approach him is messed up, big time.



AR1500
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07 Nov 2015, 4:10 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Guys and girls exist in equal numbers. In theory they should have an equal chance. In practice I know this isn't true.

I know girls dislike being alone as much as as guys yet girls and guys both act as though the girl is doing the guy a favour going by out with him. Discuss.


The first statement is actually false. Not sure about the global population gender ratio but in certain countries there is an overabundance of men. Though here in the US there are slightly more women. So when it comes to places where the percentage of women is at least 50%, and people are free to choose their partners at will(no arranged marriages), it really boils down to the natural dynamics of the human mating game: men are the contestants, the racers, and women are the prize to be won. The biological role of the female, to which humans are no exception, is to filter genes from one generation to the next. Women are more selective than men are because they cannot produce nearly as many potential offspring as a man can and a mistake is more costly to them physically.