Where to find independent or low dependency types like this?

Post Reply New Topic

Anyone have a preference for non-traditional relationships, based on quality and not quantity of interaction?

If so where have you been?

I'm independent type in the purest meaning of the word. I'm not someone independent just in the sense that I'm just determining my own path, yet happy to be reliant on delegates to achieve that. Of course we are all dependent on people but is in my nature to be less so.

For me an ideal relationship would be one of mutual independence, and trust. Doing our own thing, then meeting up to hang out. Neither over reliant on each other out of necessity. I find someone who does their own thing, and has their own ideas, sexy.

I don't believe in marriage either legal or cultural (although don't have a problem with cultural marriage for others). I don't need constant interaction, to be happy, and would get a lot out of a little.

Stuff like cohabiting, children, financial dependence are just not priorities.

I dislike neediness, however the typical relationship is still a bit different from what I think will work.

I have never seriously perused relationships, becuase deep down I just don't know how it could work. As I can survive on my own, so I guess I have been complacent.

I wish be upfront about it, as that is not what most people want out of relationships.

Anyway back to the original, question. How would I go about finding such people? You would think many people on the spectrum would fall into that category, but I've not experienced much of this.

Ok I get that.

I guess what I would be concerned about is once the relationship progress their view might change somewhat, what they want out of it.

I think there is differnce between those currently enjoying being in single and what people typically expect out of relationships, and what they have already expected. I'm sure some are on the same page though.

I have experience of people insist how independent they are, yet if you don't give them attention when they expect even though you don't know them from Adam and haven't shown interest.

It is also about how approach this, what would be the best way to find people who would be interested in such a relationship but also understand? I guess somewhere is it already clearer where everybody stands.

It's called Friends with benefits....but it fails to work like you are describing once she gets too attached to you.

And I don't get why wilburforce insists to promote WP women for the single guys that much, ok, we get it already ...you are all cool, you are all aspie, you all exist, you are so special, whatever.... but you are a so few and so geographically dispersed, so it doesn't even make sense for the guys here to consider you as potentials, not even to those living in Europe and US.

I personally would not want that type of relationship at this point in my life, but it may have been ok for me in the past when I was younger.

I don't see a problem with being upfront about what you want and looking for those who would be happy with that kind of relationship. As long as there is no lying, or leading-on involved, that is. Maybe there are dating sites where this information can be exchanged right from the beginning.

People do change, however. When I was young I couldn't ever see myself wanting to be married or giving up my independence. Life didn't work out the way that I had planned, and I never did get to be young, single, and independent. Over the years I thought that marriage was what I wanted. Now I have no idea what I want. I can't see any type of relationship as being ideal for me at this point.

You might decide in the future that you want something entirely different.

Ok I looked through that thread. Thanks Wilbur. I guess that MindBlind is probably closest to my position of independence.

Not that the others didn't also equally valid views on independence.

I also at relate to that "demisexual" mindset. I'm not quite sure I'm demisexual but I'm somewhat in between that sexual attraction without feeling the need to act. It is not something that is going to kill me, I'm alright in that respect. As an act of affection that would be great of of course. I could probably date an asexual though. it is not as I haven't being surviving without.

One of the women talked of executive dysfunction, and how having a relationship was helpful for that. I have executive dysfunction, but I really dislike the idea of leaning on people becuase of. Not that getting help is bad, just simply I wouldn't a relationship that even came into it. I plan to get some paid help to help clean my home / office. However ironically I need to get more organised to get that done, and it feels weird the idea of having someone in my private space. However it would allow me to be more productive.

Ok I searched a little, I will spend more time on it later.

It is tricky knowing want to look for, if I had some term I could search under that would be easier. I haven't found a specific movement yet. I have found all sorts of other kind of relationships though.

I have found other places I could ask. Perhaps if it doesn't exist, I must create a name for it. I can't be the only one.

I don't want it to be confused with casual relationships. Nor do I wan to come across is noncommittal. for me it is committed, just not treating a typical path.

I wonder if people fall into these alternatives relationship rather than see them? At least until they become mainstream.

I think that there are just some people who need their space, but still want a committed relationship. The problem is, I don't think there are really that many people, percentage-wise, who would be interested in that type of relationship.

It seems that many people who like having a lot of time to themselves never marry and only date casually. Some may not date at all. The type of relationship that you are looking for is likely uncommon because most people don't have a need for it.

That doesn't mean that you shouldn't try. I'd say that very independent, career or interest-oriented people may be more likely to want that type of relationship. There are many who value their independence. You just need to find one who is also interested in monogamy. Perhaps another person with ASD may be more likely to have the same preferences.

You gave me an idea.

Had a more detailed response but got logged out. Again.

But yeah, had the opposite issue- very clingy. Very needy. Needed a center of the universe and was very honest about that. Had a lot of things I didn't want. Was very honest when I was looking. Found it. 12 years later+still good.

Honesty is good especially if you don't want just anyone, but something specific. If you find it, it's more prone to last and be satisfying because there are fewer surprises.

The British author and journalist Helen Croydon created the dating website "Part Time Love", http://parttimelove.co.uk/ , for what she calls the "low maintenance relationships". (Also see this old article: "Not the marrying kind: 'A Modern Girl's Guide to Sex and Love'", by Helen Croydon, http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style ... 37143.html .)

Amongst the thousands of regular dating websites, a few of them (e.g. http://www.be2.com , http://www.eharmony.com , http://www.parship.com ) claim to have special techniques for matching people, such as by common personality traits, shared values and interests, etc. If those techniques work --and there is not any independent research clearly showing that they do-- then you might be able to find someone equally independent on one of those sites. Most dating websites let you sign up and look through other people's profiles for free, and so you could at least see if there was anyone who might be compatible with you on the site before paying for the full service.

There is a potential problem with all of this. Human beings typically need to spend a fair amount of time with another person, engaged in mutual activities, in order to form an attachment and bond with each other. If they do not do this, then the relationship may fizzle out after the initial thrill and nervous excitement of meeting someone and starting a new relationship, wears off.