23-year-old relationship virgin

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I am a recent university graduate who, last December, marked 23 with no romantic history. OK, I have gone out with a handful of girls (about half people I knew before in person and half from OKCupid) in casual settings-e.g., out for lunch, coffee, or drinks the first time, and in a few cases then going with her to the zoo or showing her my apartment while in college. So I suppose by a liberal definition, these could count as "dates," but that's all I've done-test the waters with girls, nothing in any explicitly romantic capacity.

Before I go on, I want to provide a little bit of background about myself. I am an Aspie, although on the lower end of the spectrum. I am fairly sociable and people seem to regard me as a sincere and sweet-natured guy. I do have a preppy taste for my usual attire (e.g., collared or polo shirts, khakis, and loafers/topsiders-which I've always felt most comfortable with, although lately I have been trying to be a little more flexible by wearing short-sleeved collared shirts with t-shirts.) I feel I do a decent job listening to people and asking about their own interests/work-although (need hardly be added) I get the most conversational mileage when the subject pertains to one of my main fields of interest-international politics, African culture and history, wildlife conservation, or exotic travel (I've been passionate about all things Africa-related my whole life and got a Bachelor's in African Studies.) At university, I was rather handicapped when people around me were discussing more casual pop culture matters, such as football, Taylor Swift, etc., as a result of not having bothered to educate myself in any depth about these subjects. This is still reflected in the analytical or informational nature of most of my FB posts and the fact that I only half pay attention when watching sports matches on TV or in person. So bottom line, I've only got a mild AS dose, but that still hinders me from "unplugging" temporarily from my passions and living in the moment/connecting to people casually. Also, I'm not especially gifted at reading between the lines-I'm most likely to take things at face value, and don't size people up the way some of my friends/family are able to.

Right now I'm actually on a gap year in Tanzania volunteering with some different organizations to get a better sense of my long-term plans, and I've recently been looking into working as an agent for a safari company, gathering clients from the States for a safari and then helping the guide spot animals and inform the clients about them.My logic is that such a job would allow to get paid for what I love to do, sharing my knowledge about wildlife and culture and spotting elusive animals, instead of me having to pay the high park fees. While working on one of my projects, I stayed at an eco-lodge and had many colorful dinner conversations with the owners and other guests, who seemed quite entertained by my insights and jokes about Africa. In spite of my social limitations in the States caused by my devotion to my passions, it's only natural that I would connect to people based on these interests here, so maybe instead of lamenting my social challenges, I should capitalize on my strengths here, right?

But this brings me back to the first part my query. See, I've been having a blast with my travels and volunteering in Tanzania and might be on to an exciting career path, so it's not as though there's some kind of vacuum in my life right now. But the more I go on to FB and see the pictures of couples among my friends and hear about their romantic pursuits, it's hard for me not to feel some jealousy, or at least feel that I've been missing out and that I'm behind in not having had a girlfriend at 23 (nor kissed a girl other than during spin the bottle, or even held hands). Mind you, I'm well aware that relationships have their stressful side too, but even this exacerbates my feeling of lacking the maturity of having navigated the ups and downs of the experience. I recognize that I probably wouldn't have the freedom to do everything I've been doing in Africa with romantic obligations, and even wonder if I might prefer to stay unmarried if I do have a blast with the safari agent gig. On the other hand, speaking pragmatically, I do crave at least having one partner for some duration just so that I can form an objective opinion about the experience. The problem is, since I connect with people more successfully in the context of shared interests rather than simply living in the moment/going with the flow, I feel uncertain about my capacity to form the deeper emotional connection-transcending shared interests-that is ultimately vital for a successful relationship. (This probably explains why I spoke pragmatically just now about wanting the experience of a relationship instead of describing my desire in flowery language).

So my questions are:
1. What opportunities exist for a recent college graduate like me to meet women when I get back to the States (other than bars, since I doubt I have it in me to successfully approach women in this setting. Full subscription to OKCupid? Meet-ups?)
2. How can be assured of my ability to form an abstract emotional connection?

Appreciate/look forward to any input!

1. Dating sites would probably be your best bet. Do your research to find out which ones focus more on relationships and less on hooking up (Tinder is a hook up site, not sure about the rest).

2. There is no guarantee. I would go into it with an open mind and just looking to learn. Even if a relationship doesn't work out at least you'll learn something from it and that's a positive thing.

On a side note, I know plenty of NTs who get depressed looking at all their friends on Facebook. It's not a great forum for authenticity. I know women with extreme marital problems who post on Facebook about how awesome their relationship/spouse is. People post what they want to show to the world and often it's carefully crafted. You can also be extremely good with people and have lots of dating experience and still have trouble finding someone who fits. I was the first of my two siblings to get married, despite my terrible social skills and experience dating a whopping two people (one of which I married). My extroverted, very attractive, extremely social sister was the last to marry at age 34. Again, think of dating as a learning experience and focus on building your social skills as you look for someone who fits YOU. Don't settle. If you can't be yourself around them then don't get into a serious relationship.

People, stop repeating the myth that tinder is a hookup app, you are confusing it with its original
app Grinder which was only
for gay men.
Countless of girls on tinder write "no hookup!!" on their profiles.

Women generally aren't into hookups, they have changed tinder's purpose - making it another dating app.

But, it IS loaded with low quality, superficial women who are generally a waste of time..

wish I was 23 again, there are guys older than you on this site who have never had a girlfriend

And probably a whole crapload of scammers

Hey me too! Except now I'm 25 instead of 23 :p I've also never dated or even kissed anyone, I'm also really interested in wildlife conservation, and I'm also currently living in Africa (although I know very little about politics and mostly it just frustrates me). Sounds like you've been having a really interesting year! That must be quite the experience to get to work with wildlife in Tanzania! I'm living in Togo and there's a huge problem with deforestation. The only wild mammals I've seen in a year and a half here are squirrels, a mouse-sized rodent, and something that looked kind of like a weasel from the distance. Although I've seen some chameleons and a lot of really good birds.

Dating is just really hard to do I think! I've never dated, and I just don't really know how to go about it. Two years ago when I was in grad school I think that I kind of had something with a girl who was a friend of mine. But I couldn't really tell what was going on and I did a pretty terrible job of it (although I don't think that it was entirely my fault either). And now I'm a Peace Corps volunteer in Togo. I'm also a girl who likes girls- I don't know if that makes it harder or easier. On one hand, I think it’s slightly more likely that I could let somebody do the work of initiating things than if I were male. On the other hand, there are fewer lesbians than straight girls and you have to figure out which people like girls first.

1. I don't really know about how to meet women either. If you're going back to grad school (you said gap year?), then I feel like it’s a bit easier in that kind of situation where all your classmates are in the same program and therefore interested in similar things. Maybe a job would be the same sort of idea? Although I guess you're not really supposed to date people you work with

2. I don't know if you can be assured of your ability to form an emotional connection before you do it. But maybe it would help to look at other types of relationships you have? Do you feel like you have an emotional connection with family members and friends? Maybe it would be most relevant to consider family members who might not share your interests. I know that's a different kind of relationship, but I bet the principles are similar? My thought is that probably you can make an emotional connection with somebody And even if you can't be sure, I don't think that should stop you from giving it a try. You could at least see what it’s like and how it goes.

Here's what I think: I think it's possible . 23 isn't really so old. 25 is a little bit old :p A couple of years ago I was talking to a guy friend of mine about this and I mentioned that I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to date somebody. He said "Some people don't like themselves and so they don't see how anybody else could like them. You just have to be confident and know you have something to bring to the table." He was wrong about me- I actually like myself very much. But I kind of turned what he said around in my head and thought "Huh. That's true. If I like myself then I guess that means that somebody else could like me too." Dunno if that helps, but for some reason it kind of made an impression on me. I think if we keep trying eventually we might figure it out

Dating website is a great option for you

If you want to lose your virginity, go for an escort service. I have to say that I've used such services for several times too. I got a very nice girl from http://london.worldescortmap.com website, she was very hot and nice with me, and we had some really fun time together. There is nothing bad in it at all really. If you want it, go for it!

I wanna know if the Op did end up with a safari job. Sounds way more interesting than the boring relationship stuff.

Come back OP! Tell us what happened?!

28 years old soon and never had a relationship

1. Others had lots of great suggestions!

2. No guarantees. Ever.

If you are looking to lose your virginity, and if you are not having any problem getting girls to go out with you, all you have to do is get into the habit of getting your arms around them, via any kind of smooth transition into a gentle embrace to wrap your arms around her. Once you have gotten that far, keep holding her in your arms, and gaze deeply into her eyes until she starts kissing you.

I thought you have made posts about how you have at least had sex.

Also, you actually DO have a relationship, obviously with your computer.
Otherwise there is no way that you would have made that many posts on this web-site.

Being without any relationship experience at 23 isn't as uncommon as it seems; plenty of NTs go trough the same (although these are a minority, admittedly).

1) Dating sites are an option indeed, but do keep in mind that usually the 'supposedness' of the guy initiating contact is even stronger on those than in real life.
Other options are meetups indeed. College typically has a club or meetup group for almost every hobby and interest you can think of; join those. If nothing else, they can make you friends, who might even know of a girl that's looking.

2) you can't. you can only assume that you have that ability, and train it trough practice (both of which you should)

Why are we still giving advice to a guy who has been seen since February?