Article on love and chemicals and so on

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http://www.buzzfeed.com/clarissalangham/the-relationship-advice-your-counsellor-wants-you-246z4#.wxKNbWB48

I thought this was a very interesting article.

"For some, the “limerance” stage can become addictive, leading to a pattern of compulsive and damaging short-lived relationships"

I can't understand this attitude. The dizzy, feeling sick, dopamine, adrenaline, and norepinephrine chemical mix phase is unpleasant to me and I like to be comfortable around someone. I don't know why anyone would put themselves through that on purpose more than necessary. I don't enjoy adernaline.

What the "Relationship Counselling" is good for in case of single people?

Would they make me a lot hotter or brew some love potions for my crushes?

It could help someone figure out what they are doing wrong. Help them find a way to overcome it. Like when do I get so stressed and end up avoiding the guy I'm crazy about?

I feel pleasure when I'm around a woman I like; I don't care whether this pleasure is "chemical" in origin.

I find it fascinating. I haven't liked someone really liked them, in years and I was like "what the he'll is wrong with me. It's like i'm I'll or something" Why am I all clumsy all of a sudden?

I think it's interesting that there is adrenaline in the mix. I reckon that part is supposed to make you take action. "Go and continue the human race with this person", whereas it stresses me out and the adrenaline is so unpleasant to me I try and get as far away from the person as possible.

I've worked out now that the adrenaline/butterfly feeling doesn't alleviate with distance so I'm just going to have to force myself to talk to him. If I don't I get the withdrawal symptoms and just feel miserable. Or angry at myself for wasting an opportunity to talk to him.

The more I avoid him, the more he'll think I'm nor interested. Which isn't true. Chemicals just have me all messed up.

It's not the adrenaline that makes you "Go and continue the human race with this person", adrenaline is more about ‘fight or flight’, it's the survival of one's life hormone, and not "the survival of species" hormone.

It's the Testosterone which has that 'chasing for the mate' role, and you lack this one.

You, as female, surely have "continue the human race with this person" hormones too, but typically you lack in the "Go" part.

FOB's got a point.

Oxytocin is shared by both sexes, but men have far more Testosterone.

But yeah, the 'lovesick' feeling is just an overwhelming flush of hormones/chemicals at the beginning of love/a crush, until it settles down.

I think it's overwhelming especially in the beginning to guarantee the two grow attached to each other at the start - they can't get their hands off each other in the beginning!

Exactly.

But he is wrong about testosterone triggering males to approach and "hunt" women. That is an NT-thing.



Agree. I'm sure that is the purpose of a crush. Sex and reproduction has nothing to do with it.

Why would testosterone (a hormone with an extremely long evolutionary history) has anything to do with NT typical courtship? That makes no sense to me. Besides, there are neurodiverse girls that chase guys, and I'm sure they are not doing this because they are high in testosterone.

You might then argue that it works that way in other animals too, but it doesn't. Male approach behavior is triggered by signs of females being in estrus, and human females have no signs of estrus, so neurotypical males must be chasing them for another reason.

^ You talk of NTs and Aspies as if they are two difference species, that's the fundamental big falsity in your logic.

For humans, the male approach is often triggered by other signs of interests from the female.




So rare....so rare....and higher level of testosterone may explain it, yes.

No, adrenaline is there to make you alert. Just as it is part of fight-or-flight.



Your reactions sure are interesting, and I've heard other ND women say the same. You just need to figure out a good explanation for why you react like that, and preferentially one that has nothing to do with brain chemicals.

It's a working hypothesis.



How does that explain a rather high proportion (myself included) of neurodiverse males that are physically unable to approach a woman we find interesting? Even if we are a minority, we exist, and thus, males approaching females that show interest is not a human universal.

Also, I'm pretty sure you cannot find anything similar to this among animals. AFAIK, in no animal species will a male approach a female because she shows him interest. The sequence is fairly robust and it consists of a male approaching and copulating with a female that shows signs of estrus. The male will never just approach, copulation is always part of it as well. Many neurotypical sex-researchers think humans work this way too, but if we did, rape would be prevalent. Not to mention that no male would ever approach a female because males don't know when females are in estrus.



Rare? I've encountered it multiple times, so for me it's not rare.

Psychological reasons then? Pride I guess. Fear of making a fool of myself if I've mistaken the signals. But the and the seem to be chemical reactions. I don't like blushing. It feels very uncomfortable.

Doubtful. Pride is not even a neurodiverse trait, and fear of missing signals only make sense if you have lots of failures in the dating compartment with NT males, which cannot explain natural neurodiverse reactions. Because, in my experience, this reaction also appears to exist between neurodiverse people.



I think that is because blushing is not an acceptable reaction among NTs, and especially not in the relationship context. So that is yet another problem caused by being different.

Thank you for accepting that I may have personal challenges to deal with and yes being rejected for pretty much your whole adult life will definitely make one cautious, however, I do think that pride is a universal human trait no matter how neurodiverse a person may be. No one likes to be wrong. No one likes to look like a fool.

Pride is a "consciousness of one's own dignity". We all want to be respected and accepted to a certain extent and getting rejected by someone that you feel strongly for is definitely going to dent someone's pride.