I like this girl, but so far it has been awkward

Post Reply New Topic

Past experience with her - I first saw this girl two years ago in high school and I immediately had a crush on her. The next year I started hanging out with a group of friends and ironically she was in the group. I wanted to talk to her sometimes but I am extremely shy and the fact that I had a crush on her didn't help. I also knew that everyone in the group would make fun of me for liking her, but I only cared about that at the time. We only had two notable conversations really. Both of them were casual though so they weren't serious. One was about inviting me over to try weed and the other she asked me what it would be like if we were a couple. Other than that we didn't talk much. Fast forward a couple months, I have gotten over my crush on her and am about to graduate. The very last time I go to my school she sees me and gives me a huge hug. I wasn't expecting it as I thought she would just tell me bye. One month later I went out with another girl from the group for dinner. Afterwards we decided to go to the beach and she invited this girl to come along. That night I fell in love with the girl again.(This is when I started to realize how I liked her so much more than any other crush I ever had. Although she has an amazing body I also love her personality and I often have romantic thoughts about her, not just sexual.) First off I got to see her in a bikini and later I don't remember why but after swimming in the water she hugged me and it just felt amazing to feel her wet body against mine. That is the last time I ever saw or talked to her.

Current situation - 6 months later, I start thinking about her again and get an intense desire to finally tell her how much I like her. I had a mutual friend give her my number and she had the friend tell me that she was really touched that I asked about her. Now comes all of the awkwardness. Our first conversation ends really awkwardly and a few days later I ask if she wants to hang out sometime. She said sure and then I asked to meet on Saturday, which happened to be last week. Then she said maybe and to ask her on Saturday to see if she was busy or not. I texted her in the morning and got no response at all. I texted her again an hour later and got no response still, so I just gave up. A few days ago I asked again if we could hang out on Saturday/yesterday. This time she said 'maybe for a while before i go to <specific event>". Once again I message her and she doesn't respond and I just forget it so I don't sound clingy. I am starting to wonder if she just isn't interested, but then I wondered why she would state that specific event, and not something generic like going out with other friends. I get that I am not a close friend, but it is starting to piss me off that she can't just come up with a set date and time to hang out with me for once. She is on spring break and really all I want is 2-3 hours together. I really wish she would just give me a chance. I want to ask her out one last time and make sure it works this time, because I have no idea what I would do or feel if the same thing happens again.

Also if anyone wants to help show me where I went wrong messaging her, I can PM the entire conversations since I don't want to post them here. Just PM me asking for them.

I was in a somewhat simelar situation about a year ago. There was a girl I had a class with who I had a bit of a crush on and we started to become friends. In the mliddle of the school year I had to move to another city (long story) although I did visit that area every month or so because of family living there. In the last day of school before I left I managed to get her number.

8 months later, I decided to text her. I tried to organize a meeting of some kind but she didn't really want to do it. At first I was the one to initiate all the conversations and sometimes she did take a while to reply. We became better friends, and after a few months of this I eventually worked up the courage to tell her how I felt about her. It went about like this:

Me: There is this girl I like and I am trying to work up the courage to tell her.

Her: Awww. Who is it?

Me: You.

Her: I'm flattered!

It went way better then I thought it would and it really made my week. After this we started making preperations for a date. When I picked her up at her house it was the first time we met in person for over a year. We had dinner and watched a movie while I was trying my best to not make a complete fool out of myself. A month or so later we decided to stop dating because our interests are too different and we have too little in common. We are still friends though and we still do talk every once in a while.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck.

So how exactly did you become better friends? I still have to initiate every conversation except the first one and sometimes I feel like she isn't interested.

I told her about anything exciting happening in my life and asked her questions about herself to get her talking and learn more about her whenever I got the chanse. After a while I was plesently supprised when she messaged my first to talk about some bad things going on in her life and she opened up to me a bit. She still didn't initiate many conversations after that, but she did seem to enjoy them from what I could tell.

Even though the result of this whole ordeal was just a single date and some heart break, I am still glad that I did it because I have experience with dating now. When I was working up the courage to tell her how I felt about her I noticed something that really helped, and my brother was working up the courage to do the same thing with another girl at that same time and when i told him this it helped him too (we went on our dates on the same night). I noticed that nobody should have any reason to react negatively upon being told that someone of the opposite gender is interested in them, and if a girl came up to me and told me that she liked me then I would consider dating her even if I didn't before. Some of the only reasons I can think of that would cause someone to react badly to something like that is if they are in a relationship already or if they are just a terible person, both of which are pretty good reasons to not date them. I guess another reason that they might react negatively is if you are being super creepy, so just try not to do that and you should be fine.

Sorry, OP, but she doesn't seem interested.

And, you're messaging her a bit too much to try and pressure her to respond.

I'm sorry, but all I kept seeing in your post was constantly saying "I then messaged her one more time an hour later" and "I messaged again a day later to ask about it" and "And I am planning to message and ask her one more time" etc.

You've already asked enough and now you've got to wait for her to come to you. If she's genuinely interested she'd ask you if you want to hangout when she's ready.

She's not interested. Maybe she was several months ago and expected you to ask her out, that's why she was huggin you and stuff. You didn't, maybe she thought you were shy and she wanted to wait and see what happened and then found out you went out for dinner with another girl, so she realized you're not that shy.

Even if you now are trying to initiate she may just feel disappointed that you didn't initiate when she was into you and that's what makes her resentful... And not anything that you said in a text. Does that make sense?

Obviously I don't know for sure but I was 18 once and remember how similar situation felt.

You have 3 options now in my opinion:

1. Stop initiating and try to forget.

2. Try to make friends with her, that may or may not work. If it does, it may (or not) develop into something more later.

But don't just text her to keep asking about the date, it won't work. Btw does she know you have Asperger?

Hmm maybe if you come up with something more specific than just hanging out...like ask if she wants to go out for a coffee or something along those lines. I myself see nothing wrong with asking to hang out, but I can imagine it could be to vague for some females especially if they aren't sure of your intentions.

But also if you arrange something more like a date such as that, it will be easier to set up a time and stick to it. If you just say hang out that can give the impression it can be put off without it being any big deal. Like she could have things coming up and be thinking 'oh well there will be other times to 'hang out' and not realize its actually important to you, or that you actually like her. Also though it will clearly show that you like her more than just friends and that you aren't just trying to have her come over to take advantage or something(some girls worry about that).

I cant say for certain if she is interested but I think best bet might be to straight up ask her out, at the very least it might clear things up as to if she has mutual interest in you or not.