Why I've ended up alone and am likely to remain that way.

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I'm probably not going to find anyone to be in a relationship with, because I am just to mentally screwed up. I doubt anyone really has any desire to go insane with me which is probably the only direction things would go, so I imagine I will be all alone behind my wall of madness for all eternity. I try to let people in but it never works,usually people are looking for something a bit more positive. They want me to somehow have the answers and be able to help them........and as much as I like helping people there's not much I can really do. I'm ready to say 'screw my life, I'll do whatever I want to, to escape the pain.' So yeah I don't feel I should expect anyone to deal with my self destructive attitude........either they will try to help and feel bad when they can't and project their feeling bad onto me so they think they somehow caused me pain, Or they will get mad/sad and feel like I am trying to cause them pain....when really its more like I just don't give a damn what happens to me anymore.

I felt like that myself years ago when I was really struggling with my depression & I still sometimes feel like I may spend the rest of my life alone even thou I'm no longer depressed or feel really crazy. I really wish I had some helpful advice for you but I don't because none of the advice or anything else I tried helped me out then. The only thing I can really think of to help rite now is to offer to be your friend because I know it would of been a major help to me if I had someone I could of turned to then who really understood my depression & loneliness

it sounds to me like you need to talk to a counselor and possibly take medicine to help with your depression. whenever you think negatively, then continue to think negatively it sets up in your brain, so to speak. it changes you, and makes you negative and depressed. the way out of this is to stop the cycle of self-doubt, and all the other negative thoughts you are having, without letting them ruminate in your brain. if you are able to QUICKLY stop them, you'll feel better overall very fast.

i know because i worked on it, and it has changed for me. i still feel lonely, depressed, sad, and despairing from time to time, but no where near as much as i used to. dont be so negative. sounds obvious but thats the best advice you can receive right now. there is hope, but it wont come easy, you'll have to work at it. if you want to feel better then its all in YOUR hands.

I have no clue how to not be negative when I don't have much positive to focus on....and the lonliness just feeds the depression, no way around that.

the key is not to focus

Just find a girl who's just as insane as you, there are lots of crazy girls about, trust me

What do you think the alcohol is for? on those nights when I just feel like getting away from it then yeah I drink and impair the hell out of my frontal lobe. But then of course the problems are right where I left them in the morning when I get up.

Well I would have to find a guy, being the straight female I am.......but yes obviously if I find someone as crazy as me that would probably help.

Oops, my bad. I always thought you were a guy for some reason, gotta learn to actually look at profiles

But yeah, there's plenty of mad people in both genders

Any Asperger's meetup groups in your area Sweetleaf? You don't seem half as crazy as some of the people I've met at those, many of them happily married. You may find that while you stick out in a group of NTs, in a group of Aspies the things you think are wrong with you just sort of fade to the background. Especially if there's drinking, my group got way better after we started providing beer at the meetings...

I don't think there are, I would have to look though.........there could be.

I thought you said you have a bf some weeks ago.

Do you have a meetup.com account? If you do, you can search for keywords in a given distance and see what's out there. I can't remember if you drive, our group in Seattle has people driving in from Olympia, Whidbey Island, and onetime Ellensburg, several hour drives in every case. I keep trying to convince a Canadian WP acquaintance of mine to drop in one of these days when he's in town, so far unsuccessfully. 20 miles is really the reasonable limit though, unless you're really starved to meet new people (which it sounds like you may be).

If you do use meetup, try multiple keywords besides Aspergers and autism, and stay away from parental support groups, they're no fun. Look for things like shy people's mixers, awkward singles clubs, nerd groups, especially if you're into something specific like Buffy fandom or Anime. My experience has been that they're full of undiagnosed Aspies.

I named my group the Square Peg Social Club and not only went looking for Aspies, but put together a list of all the symptoms without actually naming the syndrome and advertised as an oddball club on Craigslist. That move was the single best thing I ever did for the group, so many of those people that saw the list and said "that sounds just like me" later got diagnosed after meeting other Aspies and learning about AS, the local pshrinks should have paid me a royalty for that one.

Anyway, I'm veering a bit (can you tell I like to talk about my group?), but you really should check out the local meetup scene, you never know what you may find.

yeah that did not really work out, I'm still friends with the dude........haven't talked to him in like a week though, but yeah I don't expect me and him to really get back together.

Sweetleaf you are not in such a bad situation you are still only 22 and you are a female.

Females under 30 years old usually have a better chance than most males at finding a partner in regards to both online and offline dating markets. Females under 30 are in hot demand, over 30 it is a different story.

There is still hope for you Sweetleaf.

for every woman that dates, there is a man that dates. men and women have the same number of partners on average, as it is mathematically impossible to be any different.