Getting lunch with an Aspie girl

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There's a girl I've gotten along with quite well, and I recently learned she has Asperger's too, which probably explains why we get along so well. I'm interested in a relationship, and I know she's single, so I asked her to lunch, which she accepted. So since this girl's also an Aspie, should I do something like explicity state that I like her? Because I know I would want a girl to tell me that instead of doing all that nonverbal crap. Is there anything I should do differently with her than if she was NT?

In my opinion YES.

I went on three dates with an undiagnosed aspie female who I later befriended. I had no idea she had Asperger's and it was only after being her friend for a long-time she told me she believes she had it as her father is possibly undiagnosed, her brother WAS diagnosed already, and her mother and sister she believed also to be undiagnosed.

Anyway, it took her until the second date to realize they were dates, even if I was trying to hint and flirt from the beginning. It was only until I called it a date, with a more obvious hint, I said 'It's just...when two people...go out together...on a DATE...or a hangout, I think the one who does the asking should do the paying!'.

Here's my suggestion:

Have as much fun as you can on the first date and do your best to get to know her. If you know how to 'flirt' even slightly, than do so.

At the end of the first date, or second, you can then say "Hey, X, I just wanted to say I've had a lot of fun getting to know you, and really like you a lot, and want to continue hanging out." and go from there.

If you don't think she realizes 'I really like you a lot' is supposed to be romantic in nature, than just say 'When I say I like you a lot, I mean I've got a crush on you.'. Maybe try to say it playfully.

Good luck. Hopefully it's mutual, unlike what happened to me...

Just be natural and forget about the typical rules, and I think you will get the best results. Also, don't be so afraid of the nonverbal stuff. That's only a problem when you are with NTs. Aspies naturally share nonverbal communication, so it's not a problem between them.

Just make sure you get to see each others regularly (if you fancy one another), and then nature will take care of the rest.

I can agree with Outrider on this. I think you may have to verbally express that you like her, but possibly try it in a way that won't be very awkward.

Well the lunch went really well, except for the part I was really hoping would work. The conversation flowed naturally (despite me getting exhausted after a while). Two or three times I told her I really liked her, but she didn't seem to pick up on the fact that I kind of had a crush on her. I even asked if she had a boyfriend before, and she said she'd had one, but that she was too busy with work to currently be in a relationship. So I guess I just have to have her as a friend, which is nice, but I'm still disappointed.

YES.

Best to move on.

The girl I had a crush on had the same reasons: she only saw me as a friend, but she also wasn't interested in a relationship with 'anyone' at the time because she wanted to focus on her school work.

And, about a week later she ends up falling for a male friend, and doesn't stop herself from dating him, and they are now together and currently engaged and have been dating for just 8 months.

Amusingly enough, there was a point where she went through a very deep depression and did significantly struggle with her grades that probably wouldn't have existed if she did spend less time socializing, as many friends always came to her for advice and she lacked the ability to say no to most of them, along with her new boyfriend taking up her time.

Anyway, in my experiences OP I find the 'too busy in life' excuse to be absolute bullsh*t, because people who are truly interested in you, would want to make it work, no matter how busy you are or not.

There's plenty of people out there that would actually be fine with dating a very busy person, I know I would be.

I'd marry a CEO woman who spends almost all her time overseas in important business meetings or whatever, simply put if we can make it work, we can make it work.

OP, you don't have to necessarily give up on her. Continue hanging with her and hinting things, or just confess how you feel, but if you are capable of dating a very busy person who doesn't have much time for you, than say so, and see if it gets you any further. But remember if you do get a relationship to remember the consequences you agreed to by choosing to date someone who will rarely have the time for you.

THIS. If someone tells you they are 'too busy' they are a liar and not relationship material. Don't waste your time with anyone like this like I did as women are conditioned not to directly reject someone (which is why Aspies struggle so much). I had a woman I was dating who seemed nearly perfect say she was going to be 'busy' for the first couple of weeks so I tried being patient. Weeks turned into months and my patience start to wear out. She broke if off when I cornered her about this and I blamed myself for being 'needy'. Turns out she bought a house with her best friend and they recently posted a picture where they were clearly holding hands in an intimate way. Can't believe I was so stupid and naïve!

When I courted my Fiancee, I was playing hockey three times a week, playing gym sports once a week and running twice a week. I STILL found time to see her 2-3 times a week and that quickly rose to 5, 6 and then 7. It might take a while, but when you find the right one it won't feel like pulling your hair out trying to make time to see each other.

I agree. Sometimes it just takes time. An Aspie girl especially will probably need more time to get comfortable with you. Just spend more time with her and see what happens. Attraction and interest can develop over time.

But also, be OK if it doesn't. The most important thing is that you got some dating/relationship/social practice, which will be useful in the future.

So there has been some developments with this girl. I had lunch with her again, and it went really well. I asked her on a date, but she said that she'd like to, but we couldn't because we both work on the school newspaper (apparently there's a rule I forgot about that forbids two staff members dating). So I don't know where to go from here. My mom and aunt want me to break that rule, but I don't know if she'd be willing to do that. I've been considering asking her to a movie, but not as a date, but I'm worried about getting "friendzoned" if I do that. I don't want to let this chance slip by me, because it's the closest thing to a relationship I've ever had, and I don't know when I would get this opportunity again, especially with another girl with Asperger's.

Oh boy. Parallels with my own previous situation - girl I likes was aspie too.

And it sounds like you are developing the same Oneitis attitude I did.

Don't go into this with a 'risk it all' 'double or nothing attitude. I wouldn't sacrifices your position on newspaper just to increase your chances. Its not worth it.

The unfortunate thing about aspie females being so damn statistically rare.

Does she still have a boyfriend? If so then don't pursue this. She might just be saying these vague things because she doesn't want to let you down.

She does not have a boyfriend.

Then get in there like underwear.

Another different thing, if you do start a bf/gf relationship it might be important to note that she might be a little less interested in being intimate (even things like simple kissing) than a NT girl.