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Understanding AS's Actions

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ASDadNTLife
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 2 Apr 2016
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 8
Location: New England

02 Apr 2016, 9:16 am

My Dad was AS and so are many family members, so the lifestyle of an AS is not foreign to me. Truly, all the compassion, empathy, and social skills were funneled into me and not the rest of my family :-) (I am the poster child of an extrovert). Yet, I have never been as puzzled as by a fellow who hasn't told me he has AS, but it is quite clear to me that he does.

This gentleman was a customer, recently divorced, and is a busy guy with AS (likely) applied on top of all that. I enjoy the guy's company and have tried to develop a friendship with him. We had dinner together a few times many months ago but since then, every social plan (5 different occasions over 4 months) has been canceled by him, many times with a one day notice. None of those cancelations have been followed up by him with a "so sorry, lets reschedule". He rarely text or emails me unless I initiate it but when I do, he is gentleman and we have some fun exchanges. We have some mutual interest, but not investment, in each other's businesses.

The reason I am posting to this site is that I really don't know how to differentiate between an AS guy who is socially shy and one that is just being too much of a gentleman to say "buzz off". One of his employees shared with me that he has profound respect for me but damn if I can pick that up at all from him. I truly don't want to continue to ping him if, in the end, I am just bad at reading him on his interest in having a friendship/relationship outside of a few business tips.

In terms of my communication with him, once I figured out he has AS, I have made all communications very clear and straightforward including telling him I enjoy his company. No mincing of words or innuendo.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

02 Apr 2016, 9:24 am

I believe many women find men with AS a challenge. Something which provides a sort of inspiration.

In my opinion, it brings out a woman's nurturing instincts.

Plus...women respond to the "chase" aspects of this--sort of like a Sadie Hawkins kind of thing.

I don't find this to be disconcerting at all. I find this to be a natural human reaction.

I do hope the man "bites" when you "ping" one day.