Am I getting GF/sex/dating 110%?

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Am I really 110% getting relationships, sex and dating just like the regular normal world does? I cant stand being a dateless virgin in middle of everyone else has done all the experiences. This makes me like a huge adult baby, the days before puberty hits.

I am so sick and tired of being positive all the time and gets turned down. I have been everywhere and always out there. Females still turned me down, because the most often response is they are already dating and that. Wow the world is winning! Gosh why I am losing?

So am I really really 110% getting it?! !

I said something not too long ago in your other post, so it would help if you have seen it.

It talked about how there are people who are positive and doing the right things and nothing works for them.

At this point Ecomatt, all I can say is, is that you are not alone.

Imagine me sir as a younger version of yourself and you can see how I feel. I am confident, happy, positive aspie, doing things, meeting people all the time, I am considered funny, charming and a good person by people at school and many others, I have no problem making good impressions on others, etc, I am working on my appearance by working out and getting a decent body.

I have found a lot of success in making friends but I'm not satisfied. I've made some new friends at school but I want friends outside of school and a girlfriend possibly. But don't have these things. Wanted them all year, have been positive good guy all year, high school is nearly over meaning it'll be harder to meet people for the first few years after.

There is always advice for the negative people in this world, telling them to be positive. Well, the positive peoplealso need advice.

Good luck Ecomatt, I hope we can find the answer becausewe have the same problme.

You can't give up. You just can't.

You're a viable person. You're not Quasimodo. You'll find somebody. It might be more likely if the girl is above legal age, but relatively young. Sometimes, 18 year olds really like people of 25.

I've found that stopping looking really DOES work. However, you have to do more than just stop looking. You also need to start working on yourself. Make yourself more desirable. This will also give you self-esteem to exit a relationship that you have finally found if, unfortunately, you have found the wrong one.

Work on yourself. Physically, emotionally, mentally. Spiritually if you follow something. Recognize your strengths due to autism and accentuate them. Identify your weaknesses and round off the edges. Try that for a while (I did for over 6 months), then BAM! Suddenly I was surrounded by women wanting dates. I could easily walk away from women I didn't click with. Good luck! One rule that helped me: first time out with a woman was getting to know them. Second time out was the first "date."

I always thought I am desirable since I done all the good things for my life. It seems everything is fine for me in exception of can't get women in same way as other people. I have absolutely no idea what is the hell going on. I thought I am doing it just fine.

I can't handle losing too much energy on this, because it is prone risky to not think about it for another ten years to be continuing dateless virgin where that I don't want to be at age of 34! No thank you!

I met quite few young ones here at the uni and they appear so immature. They can't understand disabilities nor aspies. They drink and party a lot and stuff. They don't have a life what I do.

So the question I asked. Am I getting it perfectly 110%? Is there an evidence around this?

Trust me I too know how it feels to basically be told by everyone around you family and friends that you are 'a good catch' and doing all the right things. And you also believe you are doing the right things.

I have realised my problem is probably just putting myself out there more because outside of school I don't go out much. But it's not out of choice I would go out all the time to do things and meet people but as a teen I lack the transportation and I would like to go out to places but it sucks doing it alone and not just that but the city can be dangerous (especially mine with a high crime rate) who knows if I go solo I could have a run-in with some other boys my age so it's just not safe for me here and now.

If I was your age I would be doing just as much as you and going out just as much as you do. And probably STILL not be able to get a girlfriend just like you...

But you, I still haven't realized what might be the thing that is stopping you from getting a gf.

Your question: Is there evidence around this. Well, I'd still say yes. Try to think of the other positives in your life. I can't remember all the things you listed but you are in uni, independent, good social skills, plenty of good friends, etc. a lot of aspie males may consider you a massive success.

And a decent amount of women would as well.

I am not saying women only care about your job and how much money you make, but rather that the men who are successful in work and school are usually also the ones with ambition, confidence, goals and determination - all attractive traits.

Anyway, I still know how you feel. I am also happy and consider myself a success. Good health, good home, loving family, great friends (not enough for me but good enough so far I guess), good social skills, and I am confident I am on the right track to becoming a successful young adult.

I keep hearing this stupid advice about 'gratefulness'. That we should always be grateful for what we have and all that. I always disagreed because I think we should never settle for less or accept anything less than what we desire. I am a bit of a perfectionist, very ambitious and not afraid to admit this. You could just sit down and choose to be grateful, or you could rise up and overcome all that stands in your way.

That is something to be grateful for.

I'd be grateful for the fact I had the ability to overcome poverty for example, then just sit down and settle for less and be grateful that even if I was poor, I'm not dead.

See a difference?

So, I was going to give you that advice, 'try to be grateful' but at the same time don't try too much. Be happy with what you have so far but always remember, that not being happy with what you have now is the first step to going on to something better.

If you just chose to be happy, you would be happy. But you would be content. You wouldn't be going up, you'd only be maintaining or going down and choosing to enjoy it. If you feel sad today that encourages you to change.

Most of the time I can't stand people who always say you should be 'positive thinking'. Positive thinking is a good thing, yes, but too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Ecomatt, I am talking about the people who think you should ALWAYS be thinking in the positive. Like 24/7.

It's unnatural. Negative emotions are just as real and normal as positive emotions, and we should feel our negative emotions instead of just bottle them up.

Well yes I got things that I see others do not but I am totally fine with that. But I also want others to be like me too in terms of intelligence and commitments to life.

But what I am trying to alleviate my AS getting in a way of missing out on fun chances of what NTs easily get. I always thought I have things that actually make things to attract me. Hello? What world I am in? Some stupid brain makes me to live in wrong world?

Why I am suffering mentally like this? I met quite few people who have anxiety and depression but still gets more things than I do! They still get dating and sex. But for me, its the only two things I need yet to experience. I got everything else what I want.

I am sick and tired being called to be patience. I dislike this because it makes me to wait even longer to become the world record tomfoolery dateless virgin for no reason. I do not want to live in a suffer life that I dont want to live in.

I pledged myself to not to be a dateless virgin at 25 when I turned 19. Well that soon in February I will be 25 and still that innocent person of 19! If I turn 30 in a very same world, its goodbye world.

Gosh I am so sick and tired being in this fked up situation. I wonder why! I thought I am living in positive life!

New day and still very lonely and fked up. I guess the world is ignoring me. Probably have to say goodbye.

Professional help. You're doing all you can, all the right things, over a sustained period of time and it is not working. You are likely doing something wrong and neither you nor your friends can pinpoint what it is and it is killing your confidence.

If it turns out you aren't doing anything wrong, then all you've lost is an hour or two with a medical professional. There isn't a downside.

Ditavon: The sad thing is, he has had professional help. He's been to psychologists apparently to help with social skills and a variety of other things. According to Ecomatt, the most recent psychologist said he's actually fine. As in, she said to him he is a very positive person and outlook on life and people are going to be drawn to this (or at least should be) and judging by Ecomatt's posts, people have. I'm not sure how many good friends he has, but it sounds like anywhere from 4-8. Plus he has good relations with his family.

Maybe he should still go back though. It seems he's fallen into a recent depression due to loneliness and has admitted it himself in some posts....

Same thing here. Have any of you tried internet dating?

I think most women are just too superficial.

They are even more superifical and worse online as online dating is a meat market where you have far more of a choice.

And, I don't like online dating, conversation that is text-only is so awkward and makes me bored very quickly trying to get to know them, no matter what kind of person they are.

Real-life communication activates my Endorphins and Dopamine and makes me feel good, online texting does not feel rewarding and is very tedious and dull. I quite figuratively yawn of boredom reading texts with no emotion.

I probably come across as just as boring, but who gives a sh*t?

Simply doing well in life wont get one a relationship...its more about connecting with someone. You say many have turned you down because they say they're already in a relationship and also have mentioned you have some female friends....are you asking out women outside of the circle of people you already know?

I don't really understand your question of getting GF/sex/dating 110%, there isn't an exact formula to get those things everyone in the world has to improvise and do what works for them.

I mean what are your interests? what do you do for fun, what kinds of things do you want to do with a girlfriend, are you a very affectionate type or someone who needs a bit more space. That is the stuff to think about.

Being on point with work or school, having a vehicle, a place to live ect is all good, but that is not what forms a bond/attachment between two people. If your introduce yourself to women just by talking about what you're studying in school, what your job is and stick to just normal life stuff I could see why they might not be very intrigued by you. They want to know what your hobbies are, what you do for fun...all the potential fun things you and her could do should you become a couple and what you think and feel about things.

Plenty of guys have a place, a car and are doing well in work, school or both....what's unique about you that sets you apart from all those other guys? That is what a woman is going to be looking for, unless she's after something less genuine than a relationship with you.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 04 Apr 2016, 5:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.