NT date gone wrong

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I know there are many date questions concerning NT's here, but I just recently had some trouble, and I'm gonna try to appeal to the board for help....Please give me some advice.

I've been speaking with this female for awhile. We were supposed to go out on a date at 7pm the other day, but before I wanted to make the trip across town to pick her up, I needed to finish work on my car (its one of my aspie obsessions). Anyway, I had all of sunday to do the work, but it was raining and I could not get access to the garage until my father left, so I did not begin until 4pm. I consider myself a decent mechanic, and I can swap a turbo and re-program an EMS to take advantage of it in an hour or less, so I considered it no challenge, but things rarely turn out the way they should. I hopped to work, diligently swapped turbos, re-adjusted the throttle and did the programming, which took a bit longer than I thought. i got wrapped up in my work and by the time I looked up, it was 10:30!

I called her to apologize for not being able to make it out there, but she didn't seem to understand and was very pissed. Honestly, I wouldn't even consider dating someone who can become that hot-headed over such a small occurance because that is somewhat of a normal thing for me, but my friend adviced me to think of it from her position. She has a right to be angry, but at the same time, how do you all deal with this? Think its worth it? Should i even bother to ask her out again? Most ex's i've had, after a few dates I tell them and they say it explains alot of how I act and they all accept it, but I'm not sure about her. She dosn't seem to understanding at all.

Hmmm... I reckon the best bet is to be upfront with her and explain thats the way you are - if she doesn't accept your explanation, you are unlikely to be compatible.

Dunc

if someone blew me off like that on a first date i'd be quite pissed.

if she's unwilling to come second or third or last to your obsessions, it's best you know it now, and it's much better for her, if it's a problem, than to go on and fester in resentment for always coming last.

it's not like you were late to schoolm and you can get a late mark and move on.

it was an action interpreted as telling this person that she was totally unimportant to you. that being the case, why would she not be pissed?

Exactly (but you said what I meant better)

nah, it wasn't her coming in last. Its just that its kinda hard to drive 30 miles or so to pick someone up when your car isn't working. I was working pretty feverishly to repair it, and time ran away from me. The car people would know what i'm talking about...ever swapped a turbocharger in an hour?....I did the other day. normally, thats a 4 hour minimum job. I even called my mechanic friend over to pitch in and help out, but it wasn't enough in the end.

it's not a "car people" thing. it's a thoughtlessness thing.

for the next girl you ask out - just keep an eye on the time and call if it's going to be a problem to show up within a couple minutes of your pick up time.

if you can't do that, then let the poor girl know ahead of time that time and attention are iffy for you so she'll know what to expect and won't be stuck waiting for the phone to ring or your car to pull up when you're otherwise engaged.

i'm trying to explain what goes on in the receiver's mind when you send messages like this, i'm not trying to argue, just to interpret a human response if i can.

if someone's supposed to pick you up at 7, especially for a first date, and you don't hear from then till around 10 with an excuse about how they were too busy with their car or whatever to bother even calling, you're going to rightly feel that the person who asked you out doesn't give a damn about you or your feelings or your time.

this is very disrespectful, whether you meant it that way or not, and it will be received poorly wherever there is any self-respect. there's no way i could let anyone treat me like that unless i was planning to put up with it forever, and clearly, this girl isn't.

good luck with those wacky humans. takes a lifetime to understand them and then it's not worth it.

dam*? you're sh*tting me.

Dude. You blew it. If you want to ever have a social life, you need to show a lot more consideration for the other person, especially the first time. End of story.

Jerry Newport

yea, I know. dating is kinda new to me. Its why i don't date or get out much. Still learning to deal with folks and things of that nature. She's the first female i've ever asked out.

Ma, tell her how sorry you are. Things happen and everyone makes mistakes.

I'm not going to sugar coat anything here - It's entirley your fault. You should keep your word.

If someoe stood me up like that, (It's happened before), it tells me alot about the person - they're too involved with themselves to consider not stuffing other people around.

He he hale_bopp I just love how you're so blunt.

Sorry to hear about your situation...perhaps if you know you're prone to focusing so much into one thing you may miss another commitment, setting an alarm clock in the future may help?

I will agree with hale_bopp and say yes, technically, you're on the hook for this situation...at least you now know what to look out for in the future. Heck, I once had a date go real sour because I couldn't tell she thought it was a date, and I thought we were just going as friends...these things happen, and we learn from them.

Best of luck in the future with dating...and fixing that car!

ok, it's been long enough, she's cooled off. send her an apology note, flowers if you can afford them, or just call and apologize profusely, admit you were wrong, don't say you won't do it again because you will but tell her it has nothing to do with how much you like her and you'll try to do better.

women will get real mad but in the end, with a good enough apology, will forgive almost anything. god help us.

Live and learn. Accept that no apology may be enough. The good news is that you got a date with somebody even if you blew it. If you got one date, you can go get another. Move on.

Jerry Newport

She's totally right, though. Giving the female's perspective here is pretty important, I think. I know that if a guy had done that to me, I would be angry as well. It would definitely make me feel like he was just trying to mess with me, and that he had no real interest at all.

Anyway, maybe try setting an alarm clock, ma_137, so that you don't lose track of time like you did this last time. I personally would not want to be in a relationship with someone who is never going to show up when he says he will. That girl was probably waiting for you for a long time, and even though you were getting things done, it was a big waste of time for her.

Good luck with it.